Finally, Lord Vetinari broke the silence.
The Times? You mean you, and this young lady here?' he said, raising his eyebrows. 'Oh, I see. It's like the Public. Well, if I can be of any help to the Times--'
'We won't be bribed, either,' said William. He knew he was galloping in among the sharpened stakes here, but he'd be damned before he'd be patronized.
'Bribed?' said Vetinari. 'My dear sir, seeing what you're capable of for nothing, I'd hesitate to press even a penny in your hand. No, I have nothing to offer you except thanks, which of course are notorious for their evaporative tendencies. Ah, a little idea occurs. I shall be having a small dinner on Saturday. Some of the Guild leaders, a few ambassadors... all rather dull, but perhaps you and your very bold young lady... I do beg your pardon, I meant of course the Times... would like to attend?'
'I don't--' William began, and stopped suddenly. A shoe scraping down your shin can do that.
'The Times would be delighted,' said Sacharissa, beaming.
'Capital. In that case--'
There is a favour I need to ask, to tell the truth,' said William.
Vetinari smiled. 'Of course. If I can do anything for the Ti--'
'Will you be going to Harry King's daughter's wedding on Saturday?'
To his secret delight, the look that Vetinari gave him seemed to be blank because the man hadn't got anything to fill it with. But Drumknott leaned towards him and there were a few whispered words.
'Ah?' said the Patrician. 'Harry King. Ah, yes. A positive incarnation of the spirit that has made our city what it is today. Haven't I always said that, Drumknott?'
'Yes indeed, sir.'
'I shall certainly attend. I expect a lot of other civic leaders will be there?'
The question was left delicately spinning in the air.
'As many as possible,' said William.
'Fine carriages, tiaras, stately robes?' said Lord Vetinari, to the knob of his cane.
'Lots.'
'Yes, I'm sure they will be there,' said Lord Vetinari, and William knew that Harry King would walk his daughter past more top nobs than he could count, and while the world of Mr King did not have a lot of space for letters he could count very carefully indeed. Mrs King was going to have joyful hysterics out of sheer passive snobbery.
'In return, however,' said the Patrician, 'I must ask you not to upset Commander Vimes.' He gave a little cough. 'More than necessary.'
'I'm sure we can pull together, sir.'
Lord Vetinari raised his eyebrows. 'Oh, I do hope not, I really do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.' He smiled. 'It's the only way to make progress. That and, of course, moving with the times. Good day to you.'
He nodded to them and walked out of the building.
'Why is everyone still here?' William demanded, when the spell had broken.
'Er... we still don't know what we should be doing,' said Mrs Tilly hopelessly.
'Go and find out things that people want to put in the paper,' said Sacharissa.
'And things that people don't want put in the paper,' William added.
'And interesting things,' said Sacharissa.
'Like that rain of dogs there was a few months ago?' said O'Biscuit.
There was no rain of dogs two months ago!' William snapped.