For an estate of eternal hate
The Midas of death
I turn everything I touch to ash
All the beautiful thins reduced to soot beneath my fingernails
But
Still I reach for that golden thing
That indelible light of life
Even knowing
The press of one finger
Will blow it all to smoke.
No one ever speaks
About the heartbreak
Of shattering another’s dreams
Of taking the love they have for you
And stamping it
Cannot be delivered.
Return to sender.
Just because I am the one that broke
Your heart
It does not mean
I didn’t rip off a little piece of my soul
In the process
The break up.
Is there beauty in ashes?
Because I am razed to the ground
Burnt up by my own flames
An arsonist
With a self-fulfilling destiny
Who knew love could be so toxic?
That the flames they spoke of wouldn’t set my heart on fire or heat my groin like warm coals.
That instead it would eat me up to ash like lit paper
Until I crumbled into dust.
Yes, she hurts me
She knows I love her because I bleed for her whenever she needs proof
She knows because I fight for her even against myself
She knows because I fell in love with her at eight and never stopped
But the cruel agony of life
Is that I will never know for sure
How much she loves me back
Because no one ever taught her how
Or gave her the courage to try.
Sometimes love stories don’t work out.
I stood in a pool of blood
At the scene of my heartbreak
And wondered if the blue and red lights
Flashing across the carnage
Could make sense of the sorrow
That brutalized my chest
As wide and gory as a rifle shot wound.
Would they itemize the reasons?
Surmise the motive
And write a report
So succinct
I would read it and
Not feel the horror of those events
Again in my heart?
The police work of therapy.
They say opposites attract
But what if
We really are polar opposites?
If our currents run at perpendicular angles and our frequencies on different channels
What if we want to love each other
But the Law of Physics disproves it?
Our bodies were magnetic
The energy between our skin
Was so strong
We couldn’t bear to be apart
But our hearts were polarized
Too contrary to coexist
So even when our bodies collided
Our souls could never connect
She was whelved so deeply in the tissues and chambers of my heart it took me years to find her
And by then it was too late.
All her life
You planted flowers under her skin
A poppy on her throat
Handfuls of peonies across her hips
A tropical paradise warm and wet
At her core
You planted lust and desire in blooms
And plumes of green leaves
All over her body
You planted a garden in her heart
But didn’t stop to watch it grow
Or smell the flowers as you passed
That blossomed just for you
Seasons of the heart.
To watch them was to know
That two souls could be perfectly matched
Harmoniously in tune
Seamlessly entangled
And somehow
Never know it
You dropped me
But I wanted to snap back
Like a yo-yo
Into your hand
Even if it meant
You would drop me
Again
I fought for my fairytale
And in the end
My prince was the villain
And I was a hero
Corners meet
Dark nesting in their folds
Harbouring the fragile glow of a woman
And I ask you then,
How do you see me?
As a creature of the moon
Refracting a light not lost
But glimmering
A soft broken piece of ancient clay
Submerged in burning fluid
That eats with tearing teeth at flesh and thought
Until
I sit a creature of the moon disowned
In human sin
Do you know me as a little lady?
With milk froth of petticoats
Stained by rusty human oil
Doll hands clutching
To the broken fingers of grace
Stunted growth now curling over like spoiled time
In shame
Know me as the little lady fallen off
A high sharp shoe
Would you want me as a naked woman lies?
Curving broken back to arch
Groaning desperate desire
From a throat painted with crimson lines
Of your love
Tasting like honeyed cream
Without the blemish of tattooed bluebells and overripe plums
Want me as I lay a woman
Exposed lines folds and hand holds
Not as naked as you’d like
Could you love me as I am?
Like a soft child’s lullaby of
Glimmering shimmering gold
Like a masterful David to look at and lust
But only wonder at in gentle curiosity
As not the naked woman lies
As not the little lady knows
As not the creature of the moon
But more a person of her own
Then how do you see me?
As I crouch in a corner of shadow’s nest
Licking and lapping at metallic red to
Stop the human oil slick
And soothe the sore lace torn flesh
Back curved in not lust for you
But pain
How do you see me now, my love?
Street poetry
Written in graffiti and waste
One man’s garbage is another’s taste
The art of being thrown away.
I couldn’t have you so
We stopped speaking.
I couldn’t avoid you so
I moved to another country.
I couldn’t forget you so
I married another woman
Dreamt of you each night
And woke up with her each morning.
I couldn’t have you yet
Even across all that ocean
With all that time between us
And me
I was still doomed to love you.
A wish is a seed
Something to plant and germinate
Something to nurture and grow
They teach you in grade school