My feet obey the sound of Cree’s voice.
“Dude, it’s raining.” Cree marches up to me and places his hand on my shoulder. “You can’t go out there half dressed.”
“I...I...”
“Breathe, dude.” He turns me to face him, but I keep my gaze on the ground. “Slow it down. Get yourself together and tell me what happened.”
I manage to take a few deep breaths.
“Did she hurt you, bro? Fuck! I’ll tie her up and leave her in the back room if she—"
“No!” I blurt out. “I...I mean, it’s not her. It’s me, Cree. I’m so fucked up, and now I don’t even have an excuse.”
“Come here.” Cree pulls me over to a couch and sits me down.
I wrap my arms around myself, still staring at the floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Cree motion to Kas, and she pulls a robe on before heading off to the back of the dungeon.
“Want to tell me what happened?” Cree asks.
“No.”
“Will you anyway?”
I sigh and shake my head.
“Take a sec,” he says. “Form the words in your head first, and the rest will come.”
“That’s just the problem,” I say as I lean forward, elbows on my knees, and place my head in my hands. “I can’t make the words. She wants the words, and I can’t make them.”
“You tried to tell her about your past,” Cree says after a long pause.
“She told me about hers. I thought...I thought I should do the same.”
“You don’t have to, Roc. Just because Casey wants to share, that doesn’t mean you have to say anything in return. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.”
“But Cree, I do want to tell her! I want her to know, but I can’t...I can’t...”
“Are you trying to do it too fast and all at once?”
“I can’t even get a sentence out. Not sure how that could be too fast.”
“Depends on your mindset,” Cree says, leaning back on the couch. “If you aren’t ready, the words aren’t going to come. If you are ready, you’re still going to have difficulty putting it all into words. You have to give yourself time.”
“How much? How much time before she just...just...”
“Just what?”
“Gets sick of waiting.”
“Rocco, I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon. She did pursue you, and she’s been very patient already.”
“I tried to do everything right.”
“I’m not talking about just the last two days,” Cree says. “She’s been thinking about you and learning rope for months just to have a reason to get to know you.”
“She has?”
“Pretty sure. I didn’t realize it at the time, but she started learning rope right after the first time she showed up here after her breakup. It was the first night she saw you with me, and she started asking about rope right afterward. Every time she’d ask me about it, she’d be looking at you. I couldn’t believe she was even talking to me. She doesn’t like me much.”