This is my chance. This is my chance to break away and find who I am again.
I took a deep breath, willing my inner strength to the surface even though I felt brittle. Through all my patience, I had only enabled Harris and become a walking doormat.
No. More.
Realizing this was the end, a tear slipped out. “Harris, I’m not going back with you. I’m staying here for awhile to clear my head and start over. I keep thinking you’re going to snap out of this phase you’re in and become the man I used to love. But, I think you like who you’ve become and I can’t force you to change. I’m ending this before I begin to hate you. I can’t live like this anymore. I’ll go by and get my bags from the hotel and make arrangements to get my personal things from your place. I know your company will want this to end as quietly as possible. I won’t make waves, I’m not like that.”
Incredulously, he responded, “You’re trying to break up with me? At a funeral? No, Ashlin, it’s not going to happen. I’ll give you awhile to clear your head and some space to realize what a huge fucking mistake you’re making. We’re supposed to be getting engaged next week. The PR campaign is all set to roll. Don’t make a fool out of both of us because you’re upset.”
Anger started to build within me, temporarily replacing all the sadness. My hands fisted in my lap. “Harris, this has been coming for awhile. You’ve had to sense it. I can’t do this. No. I won’t do this anymore. When I get engaged to someone, it’s not going to be because it’s convenient for a business transaction that’s happening. It’s going to be because he can’t think of living another single moment without me. Harris, this is not me taking a breather. I had planned on doing this the night I got the call that Aunt Leelyn died, but I hoped through this tragic event we’d find our way again. We are not the couple we used to be. I’m convenient and you like how I look on your arm. Go find a mail-order bride, because that’s what you seem to want. Money matters to you. Happiness matters to me. I’ve tried to hold out hope for us, but I’m done. Please don’t turn this into something nasty. Let’s remember what we had, and at one time, it was good.”
Being angry felt good, like it cleaned out all the old cobwebs that had weaved their way into my life.
As I grabbed the door handle, Harris grabbed my arm. “I have a plane to catch. When you’ve put your head on straight, call me. For you to act like this, during the week of a huge business deal worth millions, is ridiculous. I know you’re upset and acting irrational.”
I opened the door and got out. “Good-bye, Harris.”
As the door closed, I heard Harris yell, “I meant what I said.”
Solemnly, I walked up to the door and got my keys out. I could still hear the vehicle’s engine idling. It wasn’t until I shut and locked the front door that I heard the limo take off.
My world had changed so much over the last few days. Now, I was completely alone. Part of me was devastated. Part of me was terrified. Part of me was liberated.
My eyes fluttered open as the light beamed into my room from the window across from my bed. I couldn’t believe I had broken up with Harris yesterday. In the limo, I had finally had enough. It had been a long time coming, but it was still a loss. I believed that everyone who came in and out of my life, regardless of what happened, helped mold my path and made me the person I was.
After the emotionally draining and stressful day yesterday, I had turned off my phone and gone straight to bed. With Harris and I no longer together, Amelia on her honeymoon, and Aunt Leelyn gone, there was no one who would need to get a hold of me. I had friends, but they would leave a message and be none the wiser.
I took a deep breath and tried to envelop myself in positive thoughts. My bedroom here was painted a pale yellow and had light-blue bedding. It was warm and inviting. I remembered Aunt Leelyn and me going to the store to pick out the fabric to match the walls we had painted in a spur-of-the-moment decision.
Releasing my breath, a creak sounded from down the hall. It was an old house that made noises on its own accord. Before, life seemed to emanate from the walls with Aunt Leelyn’s presence. Now, the house felt alone and empty. I was at a loss as to what I should do today, but knew I needed to keep myself busy before I let the sadness devour me.
My tear ducts were as dry as the Mohave Desert with all the crying I had done over the last few days. Putting my feet to the cold hardwood floor, I tiptoed to my closet to see if I still had any slippers in there. Thank goodness, Aunt Leelyn had kept all my old clothes. I’d have to make it down to the hotel Harris and I had stayed at or call someone to deliver my stuff. Hopefully they still had my bags and Harris hadn’t decided to be an ass. Finding my blue furry slippers, I traipsed downstairs.
Aunt Leelyn’s house was done in inviting colors, and it felt like home versus the cold industrial feel I had lived in for the last year. It was hard to think that yesterday morning, Harris and I had still been together. A small amount of time can change everything. The newspaper my aunt had been reading was still on the kitchen island. I walked up to the sink and saw a lonely plate there with a fork and a glass to the side. I closed my eyes as the reality continued to slam into me over and over again.
She’s gone.
Needing a morning dose of caffeine, I started the coffee machine and put a pod in it. Aunt Leelyn had thought it was blasphemy to make coffee like this and did it through a French Press instead. She could make a mean cup of coffee. I, however, could barely boil water. Adding a smidge of sugar, I leaned against the counter.
Monday I would need to contact the lawyer to see what all needed to be done in regards to the estate. I knew Aunt Leelyn had left everything to me from our talks.
A knock sounded. Setting the coffee cup down, I made my way to the big black wooden door. There was a man dressed in a black suit holding my bags from the hotel. The mirrored aviator glasses didn’t allow me to see what color of eyes he had with his black, slicked-back hair.
“Miss Thomas, Mr. Huntington asked that these be delivered to you. There’s a note inside your briefcase that he ask you read since you aren’t answering your phone.”
The man handed me my briefcase and I grabbed the handle of my red suitcase. “Thank you for bringing this. Have a great day.”
He nodded, then took off back down the steps. I’d read the note later. I didn’t want to deal with the excess stress. Harris would have to accept the fact that we were over. Would I take him back if he truly changed? I didn’t know the answer to that. I had loved him at one time, but love could be lost and never found again. I closed the door and turned back into the house, wondering what I was going to do today.
A few days had passed since the funeral. Slowly,
I made my way through the house, going through and organizing everything. I created a donation pile with some of the things the shelter could use.
It was hard getting rid of Aunt Leelyn’s things realizing she was truly gone, such as clothes and stuff, that had no sentimental value, but strangely therapeutic at the same time. As I made my way through the house, I felt like I dealt with the loss of both my aunt and the man who I thought had been the love of my life.
Amelia wasn’t due back from her honeymoon for another four days. We had e-mailed a few times. She still didn’t know about Aunt Leelyn or Harris. I would tell her when she got back. Knowing Amelia, she would have left her honeymoon early to make sure I was okay. There was no way I wanted that. Amelia needed this time with her new husband.
Today, I was tackling Aunt Leelyn’s desk. It had papers and books everywhere from the constant research she did. I put my coffee cup down on a coaster as I sat in the roller office chair. Swiveling my chair to the left, I noticed on the desk was a worn out brown leather journal that didn’t have anything else touching it. That in itself meant that this journal was important to Aunt Leelyn.