He forced himself to keep his hands extended toward her, praying the day would come when she’d take them again. “I’m sorry. So sorry. ”
“Tell it to Ellie. I can get you wanting to leave me, but her? Chrissakes, Rob, she’s only seven years old. ”
“I’ll never forgive myself. ”
Her eyes were flat on him. “That and two bucks will buy you a cup of coffee. ”
“I have a problem,” he said. “I know that now. But I promise I’ll work hard. I’m going to work on getting better. ” It would be a lifelong struggle, but his wake-up call had been just too terrifying. The stakes were too high—he had to back away from the ledge. There was no choice in this one. He needed to turn his back on gambling forever. “Doctor Mark found me a group in Silver City. ”
He heard someone in the tavern say, “As long as it’s far from the strip. ” There was a low, answering laugh.
He pretended not to hear. “I went, and it’s good, Helen. It’ll be a good thing. They told me how gambling is an addiction. Like heroin or something. ”
He heard voices discussing him. The talk came to him in snippets…what he should do, what Helen should do, what others have done. There were Bible quotes about forgiveness. About fortitude. Pithy, pitiful crap.
It all made him so angry. People didn’t understand. Easy quotes and anecdotes meant nothing when you were facing a battle like this. But he knew that his anger and shame were the flip sides of the same coin. He had no right to be angry, and the shame was his to feel. He was the one who’d made himself an outsider.
He pushed those other voices from his head. They didn’t matter. All that mattered was Helen. His kids. “Gamblers like me, we think we can hit the tables like anyone else. I thought I could go to the casino like a normal person. ”
“I swear to you,” Helen snapped, “the day you enter another casino will be the day I take your kids from you forever. ”
Her voice was steel, but he’d earned that cold wrath. He made himself hear it. “I won’t. I swear I won’t. ” He’d been studying the steps to recovery. First was to admit he was powerless. Then, to turn his will. Now, it was time to make amends.
“Can you try to forgive me?” he asked quietly.
“I’m tired, Rob. ” She leaned her head back, looking defeated. Her pretty face had aged.
He’d done that to her. “Marrying me was a bad bargain. ”
“Our kids are the only reason I’m even looking at you right now. ”
“I vow I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to all of you. ”
“You’ve said vows before. ” She shook her head. “They’re just words. ”
“Not if you mean them like I do. You said vows once, too. In sickness and in health. Please, just one more chance. Let me be a husband to you. ”
She stared at him a moment, speechless, looking like she was seeing him for the first time. “I’m done. ”
Panic clawed him. “Don’t say that. Don’t say you’re done. ”
He’d emerged from a fog to realize his angel girl could’ve died, and it would’ve been his fault. He’d awoken to find his wife on the other side of a glass wall, staring at him like a pitiable thing. Like a criminal. “I love you, Helen. I’m nothing without you. ”
“Then it looks like you’ve got a problem. ”
He felt someone looming over them and looked up to find Eddie Jessup staring daggers.
“Hey, Helen,” Eddie said. “Do you need help over here? Do you need me to ask him to leave?”
“I have to talk to my wife. ”
“And I have to make sure your wife wants to listen. ”
He stood and faced Eddie. This would be the last time she’d need another man to step up for her, even if it meant breaking his back to prove he was the only one for her. He’d face everyone, one by one, if that was what he needed to do to make it right. To make Helen his again. “She doesn’t need protection from me. ”
“Your kid sure needed protecting when I dropped her at your house last night. ”
“What are you doing lurking around our house?” Eddie made himself at home while he’d been locked out. Jealousy and shame burned him. Fed his anger. “You hot for my wife?”