I don't say that. I don't need to. I'm sure that Liam can see the answer on my face.
"That raid almost got him killed," I say. "Those damn mercenaries Daddy hired almost destroyed everything."
"Bullshit. Dallas was already transferred. Honestly, I think they set you up. I've thought about it a lot over the years, and I think they made sure you had clues. Made sure you had just enough evidence that the team could find where you'd been held. They wanted to blow up the building and take out a few of Eli's men. They wanted you all to think Dallas was dead. They were fucking with you. Because that's what evil does, and whoever snatched you two was pure fucking evil."
I frown. I'd never considered that. But the blindfold did slip. My clothes were covered with dirt that was easily traceable. I did hear those distinctive chimes, when a five minute difference would have meant I heard nothing. Could Liam be right?
I shake my head to clear my thoughts. "It's not just our kidnapping. What Deliverance does endangers the victims."
"We're saving victims," he counters.
He'd been sitting on the couch opposite me. Now he rises and walks to me, then squats so that he's right in front of me, his hands on my knees. "If it's any consolation, he decided after your TV gig that he had to tell you. But he couldn't do that without letting the others on the team know first. That call you walked in on? After we went through the new case specs, I was going to add the other guys to the feed. Let Dallas tell them he needed to let you in on the secret."
"Oh." I feel shaky. It hadn't occurred to me that he would ever want to tell me, or that he'd made the decision right before I took him to the playroom.
I only knew that he'd been hiding a huge piece of himself from me.
"Here's the bottom line, Jane. I believe in Deliverance. Dallas believes in Deliverance. We're not shutting it down. Probably not even when it's served its purpose."
"Purpose?"
"Why do you think he started it?"
"To find our kidnappers." Of course that's why. Of course he's been searching. Not only that, but I'm certain that he is searching mostly because of me. If he'd been held alone, I think he might have let it go.
I'll always protect you.
I close my eyes, feeling overwhelmed.
Liam doesn't relent. "It's grown beyond the original purpose because the entire team believes in the value--the necessity--of what we do. And the truth is, it doesn't matter if you believe it, too, Jane. All that matters is if you believe in Dallas. If you believe in the two of you."
--
I do, I think after Liam leaves and I am alone again. I do believe in the two of us.
Haven't I been the one all along telling Dallas that we can make it work? Despite family and society and secrets and sex? I've been like a broken record--and now I'm the one who's put on the brakes.
But I don't want it to end. So help me, I want this to be a beginning.
I'm still scared, though. Scared of secrets. Scared that he's angry about the way I left.
Scared that the reason he hasn't called since I walked out is because he thinks we were fools to try to make it work in the first place.
Most of all, though, I'm scared of losing him.
And that's the fear that drives me.
I force myself to shower for the first time since Saturday morning, then head back to the Hamptons. Once again, I'm not sure if he'll be there. Once again, I'm determined to wait.
Unfortunately, that's exactly what I have to do.
"I'm sorry, Miss Jane," Archie tells me. "Mr. Sykes had to go into the office this morning. I expect him back by dinner, though."
"Oh. Okay." I consider going back to the city and cornering him in his office. But I talk myself out of it. "Is it okay if I just hang out? Maybe spend the day by the pool?"
Archie's smile is both polite and gentle. "Of course. I'll go put together a light lunch. Would you care for wine?"
"I can't even begin to tell you how much I would like wine," I admit.