And now, as she sat around the best table in the inn, all the other patrons gone, with Jasper at her side and Liz and Henry across from her, Tori started to truly believe that maybe she could be part of a family again. That she could forgive herself and start over.
And it started here, now, this Christmas Day, somewhere she’d never expected to be again with someone she’d never imagined she could like, let alone love.
But she did—love Jasper. She hadn’t told him yet, and she hugged the truth of it deep inside her. She had a feeling this would be one secret he wouldn’t object to. Maybe it could even be her Christmas present to him.
She couldn’t pinpoint the moment she’d fallen in love with him, but maybe she didn’t have to. He’d crept under her defences, finding holes she hadn’t known existed while she’d been trying desperately to build the walls higher so he couldn’t climb them. However he’d got inside her heart, he’d helped to crowd out the old feelings that had filled it, and brought in fresh, new ones.
Like hope.
They still had a long way to go, and many, many walls to climb. But this time, she had hope that they could do it together.
She wanted to get Jasper alone. She wanted to tell him everything, to listen to everything he had to say. But it was Christmas Day—her first Christmas Day with her family in eight long years—and there were traditions to be followed at the Moorside Inn. Ones even love couldn’t delay.
Christmas dinner was everything she remembered from her childhood: crackers and terrible jokes and stupid hats and the most delicious dinner anyone ever ate because Henry saved all the best bits for them. The tree lights twinkled in the corner, and festive tunes played softly from the speaker system. It was nothing at all like the fancy Christmas party at Flaxstone Hall, but it felt more magical to Tori.
‘Your parents don’t mind you joining us for Christmas dinner?’ Liz asked as they all tucked in.
Jasper shook his head as he chewed a mouthful of turkey. ‘I asked my...my brother to explain to them why I had to go. I think they’ll understand.’ He shot Tori a look that made her mouth dry, and had her reaching for her wine glass. In fact, she was so distracted it took her a whole swallow to realise that he’d called Felix his brother.
Seemed he really had made progress while she was gone.
But finally, finally, dinner was over. Liz and Henry shooed off their offers of help to clear up, and suddenly they were upstairs in her old bedroom, staring at each other across that damn single bed again.
At least we won’t mind cosying up nearly so much this time...
‘I’m sorry I ran away from Flaxstone,’ Tori started, when Jasper seemed content to just look at her, his eyes warm and wanting. ‘Away from you. I just... I told you about Tyler. How he died when I went away to university. But I never told you everything and... I think it’s time that I did.’
Jasper blinked, then reached out a hand to take hers and sat them down beside each other on the bed. ‘Tell me everything.’
And she did. Everything she’d told Henry, everything she’d been keeping trapped inside her for eight long years.
‘In the end, I just knew it was my fault that he’d died,’ she said, once she’d explained the whole story. ‘I’d chosen my ambition and my future over my relationship with him, and he’d done something stupid, just like he’d warned me he would. That’s why I couldn’t come back here, couldn’t move on, couldn’t find love again. Because I knew my choices had killed him and—worse still—I knew I’d make the same choices again if I had to.’
Jasper shook his head. ‘No. His choices led him to that car accident. He chose to drive after drinking—you didn’t make him do that. And if he really loved you, he wouldn’t have tried to scare and threaten you out of going after your dreams. He’d have lifted you up to help you chase them.’
‘I’m starting to see that now,’ Tori admitted. ‘But when I thought you were leaving the country again, I knew I couldn’t risk my heart on a long-distance relationship, which meant I couldn’t risk falling for you at all. And then when your father offered me the job at Stonebury... I knew I was about to do the same thing that I’d done to Tyler all over again. Take the opportunity I wanted so badly, even though I knew it would hurt you. And I was so damned scared that it seemed better to run away before you could talk me out of it. Before anyone got hurt.’
‘It wasn’t the same,’ Jasper said. ‘But...but I wish you’d felt you could talk to me about it. That we could discuss it and come up with an answer together.’
‘I just couldn’t. I still had Tyler’s ghost in my head. Until I laid that to rest, anything between us was impossible.’
‘But you have done that now?’ Jasper asked.
‘I...hope so. I suspect these things are a work in progress.’ She had to be honest, now most of all. Even if the answer wasn’t the one she really wanted to give.
‘Like rebuilding a family riddled with secrets, lies and abandonment.’ Jasper gave her a half-smile. ‘And I get it. I understand why you couldn’t talk to me—even without Tyler’s ghost whispering lies at you. I hadn’t exactly shown myself to be the most understanding and forgiving of boyfriends, anyway.’
‘Boyfriends?’
He shrugged. ‘Well, if you’ll have me.’
Tori tilted her head and considered him. He was gorgeous, rich, he made her whole body hum with wanting him, and he made paper chains with bored kids.
‘I suppose I could do worse. I have conditions, though.’
‘Why am I not surprised?’ Leaning back against the bedhead, he pulled her up into his arms, and she twisted so she could still see his face. It was less comfortable than just nuzzling up to him, but Tori knew they had to look each other in the eye as they made these decisions together.
No more secrets between them, now. And not ever.
‘Go on, then,’ he said.
‘No running away when things get tough—and, yes, I know that one goes for me too,’ she said, before he could even open his mouth the whole way. ‘We talk about things instead of, well, our usual way of doing things.’
‘Holding grudges and feeling guilty? Yeah, I guess talking does sound a more sensible plan.’ He gave her a gentle smile and kissed the top of her head. Tori leaned into his shoulder, feeling stronger just from the touch of him.
‘And we forgive when we mess things up,’ Jasper added. ‘That’s my condition. Because we’re not going to get things right all the time, either of us. Especially us. But you’re right. We don’t run. And we forgive—each other and ourselves.’
For him, she knew the first would be a challenge. For her, it would probably be the second. But she figured that together they might even balance each other out.
‘Okay,’ she agreed. ‘Number one rule: forgive, always.’ She placed a kiss just where his shirt collar sat open, and let herself rest her head for a moment.
‘And please...’ He placed a finger under her chin and tilted it so she was looking at him again. ‘Don’t pull up that drawbridge again? I spent so long trying to get behind those battlements...when you put all your defences back up on me that night at the party, I honestly thought that was it. That I was back out in the cold for good.’
‘I’m sorry. I just—’
‘I understand why you did it,’ he interrupted her. ‘I’m not asking for apologies. I just need you to know...you don’t have to do that any more. Not with me. There’s nothing you need to hide from me, and no need for the armour. I’m all in, Tori. I didn’t expect to be—I came home thinking I’d be leaving again, and quick. But instead I got snowed in with you and my whole world changed. Because I saw behind your armour and I realised that was all I wanted to do. Solve the puzzle of Tori Edwards. And now I know I could happily spend the rest of my life doing just that, if you’ll let me.’
His eyes were so serious, so sincere, that Tori’s heart rose
until she had to swallow it back down. ‘Let’s start with figuring out the puzzle of fitting both of us in this bed, shall we?’ She smiled gently, letting him know she wasn’t turning down everything he was offering. ‘Take it one day—or night—at a time.’
He returned her smile. ‘Yeah. One day at a time.’ Then his grin turned wicked. ‘And I definitely have some ideas about the bed-sharing thing...’
He wrapped an arm around her waist and tipped her flat on her back, smothering her squeal with a kiss. And Tori knew that if they could just keep talking, and forgiving, everything was going to be just fine.
Better than fine. Life was going to be wonderful again.
EPILOGUE
STONEBURY HALL LOOKED at its best in the snow, Jasper decided.
All spring and summer they’d worked on getting the estate into shape; setting up the barns for the craft stalls and workshops, getting the tea room ready for its first customers—not to mention doing up the house itself.
But now that Christmas was almost here again, a full year since he and Tori had first walked the grounds of this strange, crenellated hall in the snow, it felt as if this was how the place was always meant to be.
‘Did you imagine for a moment, a year ago, that we’d be here now?’ he asked as he and Tori stood, gloved hand in gloved hand, looking up at the battlements and stone walls of their new home.
Tori gave him her usual ‘are you crazy?’ look. He was actually surprisingly fond of it these days.
‘Me? Absolutely. I figured I’d be here making a huge success of the business. You? Not so much.’
Rolling his eyes, Jasper nudged her in the ribs, wondering if she even felt it through all the layers of coat and clothes between them. She squirmed out of the way and laughed, all the same.
‘Okay, fine, I hadn’t exactly anticipated us living here together, spending Christmas here. But then, I didn’t imagine spending last Christmas at the Moorside, either.’
‘Last Christmas was perfect.’ Maybe it hadn’t started out that way, but by the end it had been everything he’d ever wanted—even if he hadn’t known until that very moment that he wanted it. Tori had given him a chance to spend the rest of his life learning her, loving her. And they hadn’t gone into it with more secrets, more hidden expectations. They’d gone in openly, knowing what they needed from each other—and from themselves.