‘He didn’t want you to go, I know that,’ Henry admitted. ‘But I told him then, if you truly love her, son, you have to let her go. She has great things in her and she has to go and achieve them. She’ll come back when she’s ready, but not if we hold on too tight.’
Tori looked away from the door and stared at the man who had chosen to be her uncle, even when blood didn’t make him one. ‘You told him that?’
‘Yep. Bet he didn’t listen though.’ He shook his head. ‘I loved that boy more than my own life, and it kills me every day that he’s gone. But he never listened to a word of advice his whole life.’
‘He...he begged me not to go. Told me if I truly loved him, I’d stay. That leaving would break him. He said...he said he was scared he’d do something stupid if I wasn’t there.’ Henry’s expression hardened at her words, but she pressed on. She needed to say this. Needed to get it all out, at last. No more secrets. ‘I told him I had to go—that if I gave up this opportunity I’d never forgive myself. I thought we could carry on together anyway; you remember, I came back every weekend that first term to see him.’
‘I remember.’ Henry’s voice was dark. He already knew how the story ended, of course. ‘Liz was worried. She thought you should be spending more time making new friends at university.’
‘Every time I came back it got harder. Tyler...he seemed more and more unstable. Accusing me of cheating on him. Of laughing at him, when I was away. He kept telling me that if I went back to university without him he didn’t know what he’d do. That he wouldn’t be responsible for what happened.’ The implication had been clear. Whatever stupid thing Tyler did without her there to stop him would be her fault. Her responsibility.
‘And then he went out, got drunk, and tried to drive home.’ Henry rubbed a hand across his wrinkled brow, looking older and more tired than Tori had ever imagined he could look. Then he stretched out his arm and wrapped it around her shoulder, pulling her close against him as they both stared at Tyler’s bedroom door, and remembered the boy they had lost.
‘He was an idiot,’ Henry said after a moment. ‘And that wasn’t your fault, not for a moment. I... I’m angry with him now, and I’d have been furious with him then if I’d known what was going on. But at least I know now. And I can tell you what happened to Tyler wasn’t your fault. Not in any way, shape or form.’
‘But if I hadn’t gone—’
‘Then maybe it would have happened later, or differently, or not at all. But it still wouldn’t have been your fault. He made his choices and some of them were terrible ones, and he paid the price for that. He should never have tried to make you carry that blame.’
‘We both made choices,’ Tori pointed out. ‘I chose to leave him behind, even though I knew it could be the end of our relationship.’ It hurt to admit that; that she’d chosen her own ambition and future over the boy who was supposed to be the love of her life.
‘You were only eighteen,’ Henry replied. ‘And you made the right choice. You couldn’t mortgage your whole future for a teenage relationship that probably wouldn’t last anyway. And if it was meant to be, it would have been. If it was meant to be he would have supported you every step of the way. I’m ashamed that he didn’t.’
Tori lowered her head as she shook it, too overcome to find words, her eyes burning with unshed tears.
‘This is why you didn’t come back here after the funeral, isn’t it?’ Henry said. ‘Why you stayed away so long. I always wondered... Liz said it probably just hurt too much to be here with all the memories, but I suspected it must have been something more.’
‘I thought you’d blame me, if you knew the truth. I blamed me.’ She took a shuddering breath. ‘I thought you’d hate me, and it hurt so much I couldn’t face it.’
In all honesty, it still hurt. Maybe her first visit back to the Moorside in the snow and the dark had started to soothe some of the pain, but the guilt still hung on.
‘You’re our family, every bit as much as Tyler was, even if it is by love, not blood.’ Henry hugged her tighter. ‘We could never do anything but love you, the same way we’ll always love Tyler, even if we don’t agree with his choices. But in your case, you made the right choice going. Staying away...that choice I’m less keen on.’
‘So you are mad at me?’
‘No. I missed you.’ Henry sighed. ‘Maybe I’m not saying this right. What I mean is... Vicky, Liz and I will always forgive you and always love you, even if we don’t agree with you. You’re family and you will always have a home here.’
That was all it took to send her over the edge. The tears cascaded over her cheeks as she buried her head against Henry’s chest, her body shaking with sobs as he held her. As if the guilt and the self-loathing were leaving her in the flood of tears. Washing her soul clean.
She was truly home again, at last.
It took a while for her to regain her composure. But when she did, she wiped her eyes, kissed Henry on the cheek, and straightened her back as she stood again, ready to enter Tyler’s room at last.
It was time to say goodbye, for the last time.
And then she had a new life to say hello to, she hoped.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
FELIX HADN’T BEEN kidding about the snow.
Thick, heavy flakes landed on his windscreen faster than his wipers could clear them, and Jasper peered through the glass at a world turning whiter by the moment. The air swirled and rushed with snow, whipped up by a wild wind that whistled down the valleys and around the rocks of the moors.
Somewhere up ahead was the Moorside Inn and the woman he loved.
Now he just had to get to her. And not crash on the way.
A shiver went through him at the thought. From what she’d said, he knew he couldn’t be far from where Tyler had died. The last thing Tori needed was another man to mourn.
He slowed the car to a crawl. Maybe it would take him longer, but he’d get there in one piece, at least.
He was just picking out the landmarks that he knew led to the Moorside Inn when he saw the blue flashing lights. Easing onto the brakes, he slowed a good distance away from them, glad that the date—Christmas Day—meant the roads were mostly clear. Unfastening his seat belt, he pulled the hood of his coat over his head and ducked out of the car to find out what was happening.
‘Tree down in the road, sir.’ Was that the same young policeman who’d visited the Moorside last time? Jasper had a feeling it might be. The last few weeks seemed to be coming full circle. Squinting through the snow, he could see the heavy, old tree trunk spanning the whole width of the road. A set of headlights on the other side showed that his wasn’t the only Christmas Day not going to plan.
‘Going to be closed until they clear it,’ the police officer continued. ‘You might want to turn round and go back the way you came, if you can make it through the snow.’
Jasper looked back down the road he’d just travelled, and saw the weather closing in behind him. But more than that, he saw all the distance and pain and anger that had filled his last five years. The lack of forgiveness, the burning sense of injustice eating away at him.
He didn’t want to go that way.
‘I’ll park up and keep going on foot,’ he said.
‘I know an inn you can shelter at for the night. If you like.’
He knew that voice. He loved that voice.
Jasper spun to find Tori leaning against the fallen tree, a bright red hat pulled down low over her dark hair, and a hopeful smile on her face.
He’d never seen anything so beautiful.
‘That would be wonderful,’ he said, stepping closer. ‘Any chance it serves steak and ale pie?’ He could almost take her in his arms, but he still wasn’t completely sure that was what sh
e wanted. Although the fact that she was here, in the snow, on this road...had she been trying to reach him, too? He hoped so. But either way, the next move had to be hers.
‘It might. But it’s Christmas Day so, mostly turkey and trimmings, I think.’ She took a step too, and suddenly she was so close he could see the snowflakes landing on her eyelashes. She blinked them away, and met his gaze, and he knew.
He knew that he had to convince this woman to give him a chance. Maybe she’d never be able to love him, and he’d have to let her go. But if there was any chance she might want to stay in his life for always...he had to try.
‘Tori, I... I’m sorry. For everything. I’ve learned a lot about forgiveness recently—most of it from you, in a roundabout way. You were right, about so many things. I’ve talked a lot with Felix, and with my parents, especially since you left. And while I’m still not all the way there, I’m trying, really, I am. And I hope that you—’
He broke off as she placed an icy hand against his cheek. Then she stretched up on tiptoe and pressed her cold lips to his. ‘Yes,’ she murmured, barely pulling away at all. ‘Yes to all of it. Now come on. Let’s get out of the cold.’
* * *
Henry and Liz barely even looked surprised at all this time when she turned up with Jasper in tow, his car parked out of the way on the side of the road to worry about later. They had more important things to deal with now.
‘Here for the turkey, I suppose?’ Henry asked Jasper, holding out a hand for him to shake.
‘Not just the turkey,’ Jasper replied, smiling down at her. Tori tried not to blush, but from Liz’s soppy smile she was pretty sure she’d failed.
She’d talked to her aunt, too, after she’d made her peace with Tyler, talking to him as if he’d never left his childhood bedroom. Maybe he hadn’t, in essence. But when she’d closed the door behind her for the last time, she knew she, at least, had pulled whatever part of her heart that had stayed in the past with him fully into the future. Liz had hugged her tight and told her that she should listen to her uncle. Tori was family, and that was the end of the matter.