He knew that wasn’t the case, not even close, but he wasn’t about to argue with her. Not when she closed her eyes and leaned toward him. Before, he would have pulled away. Even before they’d walked out onto the balcony, he probably would have stopped her.
But she had asked for honesty from him and he would not have been honest to pull away from her. Her lips and her kiss were gifts he didn’t deserve, but if she was going to offer them to him, he’d be a fool to turn them away. He’d been a fool for years and he refused to go backward.
He lowered his head to meet her halfway. The freedom of being honest filled his soul near to bursting. He eased her lips open with his own and could have kicked himself for letting so many years pass while he denied who she was to him and what she meant.
His fingers tangled in her hair and she moaned, moving even closer.
“God, Marie,” he said against her lips. “I want you so bad, but I can’t allow myself to take you. Not tonight. Not when I’m going to be going away.”
“I don’t care.”
“But I do and it wouldn’t be fair.” It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he took a step back. “When I take you again, and I plan to, there will be nothing to hold us back.”
She yawned and then blushed at his grin. The whisky had already had an effect on her. “Okay,” she said. “But will you hold me while I sleep?”
It would not be a comfortable night if he did. With her nipples evident through the material of his shirt and how its hem barely grazed her upper thigh, he was guaranteed to fight an erection. Yet, he considered it a small price to pay.
“I would be honored.”
CHAPTER
Twelve
Six Weeks Later
It wasn’t raining. Lennox took the nice weather as a sign he was doing the right thing. He made one stop on his way to where he was going and was in and out of the store in five minutes.
It had been six weeks since he’d promised Marie total honesty and held her all night while she’d slept. In those weeks apart, he’d grown stronger. Part of that came from admitting and accepting his Dominant nature would always be an essential part of who he was. Part of that came from carrying a burden that was not meant for him. It wasn’t meant for anyone, actually. Today, he planned to put it down and not pick it back up.
The garden cemetery was located outside of town, by the sea. He’d selected it because Winnie loved the ocean so much. His heart hurt as he remembered having to decide where she’d be buried. At twenty-nine, she hadn’t given death a second thought. And why should she have?
He started walking along the well-maintained stone walkway to the headstone he’d had to pick out that same day so many years ago. He clutched the flowers in his hand, remembering and waiting for the overwhelming grief and guilt to hit him.
It didn’t come. Instead he felt happy at the good memories he had shared with her.
Her headstone was plain. Anything too ornate would have been out of place at the seaside location. He ran his fingers across the engraving of her name.
WINIFRED LOUISE PRICE
BELOVED
He couldn’t hold back the half snort, half laugh because it hit him how much she’d have hated that tombstone.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Hell, it seems like all I ever did was apologize to you for some reason or another. I guess this is just one more. But if you could see this, well, you’d know I had to apologize for it. All I can say is I was in a daze after you died and I wasn’t thinking straight.”
He placed the bouquet of pink and white roses at the base of the tombstone.
“I actually haven’t been thinking straight for a good number of years and I’m going to correct that today. I spent so much time since you’ve been gone blaming myself, but I’ve come to realize that there were two of us in that relationship and I have to share the blame with you. That sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But it’s true, I’ve tried to keep the blame all to myself and I can’t anymore.”
He took a deep breath and looked out over the ocean.
“I won’t say our relationship was wrong, because I loved you and love is never wrong. But you know as well as I do that we were never going to be truly compatible. And if it wasn’t for you, for us, I never would have met the one person I’m most compatible with.
“Part of me was buried with you, but I can see now that it doesn’t have to stay that way. I’m not dead. And I’m sorry you are. I’m so sorry and if there was anything I could do to bring you back, you know I would. Because a part of me will always love you. And I know now that it’s okay for me to love someone else. It doesn’t take anything away from what we had.
“Marie didn’t come with me and that’s okay. I think it’s better this way.” He wrinkled his forehead. He hadn’t seen Marie since the night she’d stayed in his hotel room, and they’d only spoken on the phone a few times. She knew where he was, though, and she’d told him he needed to be here alone. He saw now that she had been right. “She said she told you good-bye in the hospital. I don’t know about all that. But we’ve made your cottage into something you’d be proud of and your legacy lives on. You won’t be forgotten.” He kissed his hand and gently touched the cold stone. “I love you, my Winnie girl.”
As he turned to leave, a soft gust of wind blew gently across his face. Surprising only because of how warm it was.
• • •
MARIELA STOOD AT the doorway of the academy’s ballroom welcoming guests as they arrived. For some reason there was a touch of melancholy in the air. Or at least it felt that way to her. Maybe it was because Lennox hadn’t arrived yet, and without him the academy and, as a result, the Holiday Ball weren’t as lively as they had been in the past.
“I just had a call from Lennox,” Fulton said, walking by her from inside the ballroom.
“Oh.” Mariela gave what she hoped was a why are you telling me grunt.
“You can’t fool me, you know.” Fulton smiled at her less-than-believable performance.
“That obvious?” she asked.
“I’m afraid so.”
Realizing there was no point in trying to fool him, she asked, “How is he? Is he coming? What did he say?”
Fulton laughed and held up a hand. “One at a time.”
A couple from the mainland who knew Lennox and who came to the ball every year picked that time to approach her and make small talk. She did her best to be polite and to act interested in what they were saying, but it was hard. She shot Fulton a look that she hoped conveyed how much she wanted him to stay and continue their conversation.
The couple finally left and she grabbed Fulton by the elbow and dragged him to a less traveled area of the room.
She crossed her arms. “Spill.”
Fulton was known as being one to tease and kid, but he must have picked up on how desperate she was to hear news about Lennox, because he answered her directly. “He’s doing well. Yes, he’s coming. Should probably arrive within the next thirty minutes. He also said he tried to call you, but it went straight to voicemail.”
She gasped and dug in her purse for her phone. It was off. She muttered a few choice words and turned it on. Would he call again? Or would he simply show?
“Mariela?” Fulton put his hand over hers and she saw that her fingers had been trembling. She looked up at him. “It’s going to be okay. I can honestly tell you that he feels the same way you do.”
She nodded, not sure she believed him.
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“Whenever he’s called me in the time he’s been gone, he always asks how you’re doing.”
“Really?” she couldn’t help but ask.
“Yes, really.” Fulton had a huge smile on his face, and she knew if she didn’t change the subject or find someone else to chat with, he’d start to tease her in earnest.
“Excuse me,” she told him. “I think I’m going to hit the ladies room before he gets here.”
Fulton caught sight of Andie across the room. Mariela could’ve probably told him she was going to take her spaceship to provide assistance in repopulating Planet X and he’d only nod and say “okay.” She slipped away while he moved toward Andie.
Inside the bathroom, several people stopped her to comment on the decorations, how great the band sounded, and how awesome the