d you to hear about them from me.”
That was enough of a shock to capture her entire attention.
He saw no reason to drag out the decisions he’d made. He contemplated taking her hands, but thought that might be a bit melodramatic.
“I’ve found I’ve enjoyed my time away from the academy. So much so, that it’s made me wonder if it’s the academy holding me back and keeping me from moving forward. In my professional life, sure, but more importantly, in my personal life.”
Her forehead wrinkled. “I’m not sure I understand, Sir.”
He sighed and this time he did take her hands, running his thumbs over the top of her knuckles in what he hoped was a soothing manner. He didn’t care if it was melodramatic or not, he wanted the connection with her when he told her what he needed her to know. She looked momentarily shocked, but didn’t pull away. Perhaps understanding on some level that he needed to touch her.
“I’m going to take a leave of absence from the academy,” he said. Her jaw dropped open in surprise, so he quickly added, “Just for the rest of the term. I’ll be back before the new year.”
“I don’t . . . I can’t . . .” She shook her head.
“It really won’t be a change for you, since you’re staying at the cottage.” It sounded like he was trying to explain or get her approval and he didn’t want to come across as unsure in any way about his plans.
“It just doesn’t seem right, the academy without you.”
He wasn’t sure, but he thought there might be tears in her eyes. “It’s just a month or so. I’ve been running the academy for years and do you know how much time I’ve taken off?”
“Not any that I remember,” she admitted.
“So wouldn’t you think I’m due a few weeks?” he asked softly.
She bent her head and took a deep breath. When she looked up again, her eyes were definitely wet. “I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. I guess I just take for granted that you’re always going to be on the island. And it won’t seem right without you there.” She sniffled. “I’ll be moving back next week.”
It wasn’t like her to be so emotional, and it struck him almost immediately what was behind it. Subdrop. Damn it all. And he hadn’t anticipated it. If he’d been thinking more clearly, about anything other than his own purpose, he’d have expected it.
What kind of an ass was he that he brought up his plans for a leave right when she was going through subdrop?
“Marie.” He gently took her in his arms. “I’m sorry. I know exactly why it’s bothering you.”
“You do?” She took the tissue he handed her and wiped her nose.
“Subdrop.”
“Oh,” she said. “It’s been forever since I’ve had subdrop. I forgot how awful it feels.”
“And I should have known better. I’m a headmaster of a BDSM academy and I didn’t even think about the impact of the scene on you.”
She started to say something, but he stopped her. “Don’t even think about telling me it’s okay. Because it’s not. It was selfish of me.”
“But,” she said, “if you hadn’t told me now, when would you have told me?”
He shrugged. He really hadn’t thought about not telling her tonight. As soon as he’d seen her in the club, he knew it had to be tonight. “I don’t know,” he confessed.
“Wouldn’t it make sense then that if you didn’t tell me tonight, I might hear it from someone else?”
He stroked her knuckles again, amazed at her clarity of thinking. “That is most certainly the truth, but it doesn’t erase the fact that I could have gone about it differently.”
“I think.” She took a deep breath. “I think we need to talk, but I’m afraid I’m not in the right frame of mind at the moment.”
She was right, of course. “I have a hotel room booked. You’re more than welcome to stay with me if you don’t want to go back to the cottage tonight. We can talk tomorrow, after your emotions have leveled out and you’ve had some sleep.”
He could see her struggle: the part of her that wanted to stay with him warring with the part that wanted to prove she didn’t need his company. “I promise to keep my hands to myself.”
His words sparked something in her because some of her old spunk returned when she answered, “And if I don’t want you to keep your hands to yourself?”
He wasn’t about to make a promise he couldn’t keep and he knew if she wanted him, he wouldn’t be able to refuse her. “I promise nothing will happen that you don’t want.”
She tilted her head. “Okay. I’ll stay with you tonight. But I’m not sure where I want your hands right now.”
If he knew her at all—and he was certain he did—it wasn’t that she wasn’t sure where she wanted his hands. Rather, it was that she was unsure how she felt about where she wanted his hands.
Her uncertainty was probably for the best anyway. They needed to sit down and have a serious talk before they did anything physical again. “It’s not something you have to decide right now.” He stood up and held out his hand. “Come with me back to my hotel. You can take a hot shower and I’ll order us a good bottle of wine.”
“Make it aged whisky and you have yourself a deal.”
Her insistence on whisky made him smile, because it was so Marie. “Deal,” he said. “I’d rather have whisky over wine any day.”
With that settled, she took his hand and rose to her feet.
• • •
MARIELA HAD A feeling that agreeing to spend the night with Lennox in his hotel room wasn’t going to go down as one of her better decisions. She knew agreeing to spend the night with Lennox in his hotel room along with a bottle of aged whisky surely wouldn’t.
But, hell, she was still in shock over his cool and calm statement that he was taking a leave of absence from the academy. Where in the world had that come from? It didn’t even seem like him. The academy without Lennox was like her not dancing.
Which, when she stopped to think about it, actually had happened. How long had it been since she’d danced? Just her? For her?
Long enough that it was going to take more than whisky to make her feel better.
Tonight, though, she knew feeling blue was more than not being able to dance. She was still experiencing the effects of subdrop, and though it’d been awhile since she’d dealt with it, she’d dealt with it enough in the past to know that she would get through it. In fact, if the patterns of the past held up, she’d feel better as early as the next morning.
Of course, that didn’t make her feel any better now. No, now she just wanted the promised shower and whisky. And a naked Lennox.
No.
She could not let anything happen between them tonight. Nothing. No way. No how.
Out of the corner of her eye, she watched him as he drove them to his hotel. He wasn’t saying anything. Was it possible he was already regretting his offer for her to spend the night? His jaw wasn’t tight, though, and usually she could tell when he was upset about something because it would be obvious in his jawline.
He wasn’t regretting asking her, she decided. He was allowing her to come to terms with the fact that she accepted the offer. She was also willing to bet he knew her lie for what it was when she told him earlier that she wasn’t sure she knew where she wanted his hands. The truth was, she knew exactly where she wanted his hands. What she didn’t know was did she want them before, during, or after her shower?
I’ll take D, all of the above, please.
She didn’t realize she’d giggled until he looked at her with a smile on his face. It struck her then how relaxed he looked. She didn’t want to examine him in great detail because he’d get a kick out of that, but he actually looked more like the Lennox she’d first met several years ago as opposed to the haunted man who had lived such a hollow existence the last few years.
Could it be possible that running the academy for so long was part of what had him living in the past? The more she thought about it, the more sense it made.
He hadn’t started the academy out of some burning desire to train Doms and subs. It hadn’t been a lifelong dream. In fact, on more than one occasion, he’d called the academy his penance for what happened to Winnie.
It was selfish of her, she was willing to admit that, but she couldn’t stop wondering what would happen to her if he left. Would she stay at the academy? Did she want to remain on the island without him there? She didn’t think she did. And she didn’t even want to think about what it meant that she’d spent nearly three years at a job simply because she wanted to be near the boss.
Damn it. She was an idiot.
“We’re here,” he said.
The car had already come to a stop, and she wondered exactly how long they’d been parked at the hotel. From the amused