Cody popped the top of the shaker and poured my drink, hooking a lime on the edge of the glass before handing it over. I took a sip, hands on my drink as he bracketed my crossed legs with his arms.
I’d been waiting for this moment for months, and here it was. The filthy, hot, tattooed, pierced bartender of my dreams had literally picked me up and set me on the bar to tell me he wanted to bang me. A month ago, I would have climbed him like a jungle gym. But when he ran his hand down the curve of my calf, I laughed awkwardly and chased his hand with my own, redirecting it.
“Straight to the point, huh, Cody?” I said, hoping I sounded cool. And then I swiveled around on the bar and hopped down, praying for that millisecond I wasn’t going to break my ankle. I didn’t, thankfully. “I’ll see you later,” I said over my shoulder with a smile.
“I sure hope so,” he called after me as the crowd swallowed me.
My smile fell faster than a GTO hits sixty, and I stomped my way around the bar, scanning for Veronica.
I found her at a table. She was on her phone, texting so intently that she didn’t even see me stalk up.
“Well, this is a fucking disaster,” I shot and took a heavy pull of tequila. Too heavy. My face pinched up, and I shook my head to set it back to rights.
“What happened?” She eyed me.
“He fucking hit on me, that’s what happened.”
Her eyes narrowed. “And that’s … bad?”
“Yes! I mean, no, but, yes! He and his girlfriend broke up, and he picked me up and set me on the bar and touched my leg and — ugh!”
That stupid look in her eye was back, the one that said she had me right where she wanted me. “You had the white whale in your clutches, and you didn’t snag him?”
I took another drink, this time more moderate. “Yep. I had Moby Fucking Dick in my harpoon sights, and not only am I uninterested, but I’m … what is this feeling?” My face fell. “Is this what it feels like to feel offended?”
She laughed — that asshole.
“Oh my God,” I groaned as I plopped onto a stool next to her. “I’m broken. Bodie broke me, and now I’m ruined.” My chest ached, and I slammed the rest of my tequila to burn the pain away. “I don’t want to do this, Ronnie.”
Veronica smiled at that, just a little, just enough. “Well, well. I’m not gonna lie. I kind of hoped this would happen.”
I sucked in a tiny breath and gaped at her. “Did you fucking set me up?”
She shrugged. “I had a feeling you needed a push. I mean, you definitely needed a shower, so even if that was the only thing that came of tonight, I was going to call it a win.”
I set my glass down with a clink and glared. “You dick.”
But she reached for my arm, her eyes caring even if she was a douchebag. “Pen, you said you didn’t want to do this, Cody, tonight, boy-hunt, whatever. So what other choice do you have? You want Bodie, right?”
“Yeah, I do.” I didn’t know why I wanted to cry, but I did. It had been at least ten hours. I was due.
“Then what are you gonna do about it?”
A tingle worked across my skin, either from the tequila or the realization of the truth.
I couldn’t go back because Old Penny didn’t exist anymore. Old Penny had lost her heart to Bodie.
He had changed me, rearranged me, and as I sat in that bar with an empty glass in my hand, I knew I’d never be the same. Even if I’d fucked it up, even if I’d lost him forever, I’d learned something very important.
I wanted to trust someone else with my heart.
Bodie had shown me what it was like to be with someone I trusted, someone who cherished me and whom I wanted to cherish. He’d taught me that letting someone in was a risk, but the reward was immeasurable. I’d let him in, and I’d gotten hurt because I’d fought the feeling. For a second there, I’d fallen into him and let myself go, and that second had been so glorious, so perfect, that all I wanted to do was get the feeling back. I wanted to get him back. I wanted to give him everything in the same way he’d given everything to me.
I loved the way he made me feel, loved his mind and body and soul, loved the way he cared for me, the way he’d let me breathe and given me exactly what I’d needed, even when it hurt him. Even when I hurt him.
The truth of the matter dawned on me like a ray of sunshine, illuminating what I’d known all along.