Jude smirked. “You ate half of a cold pizza, drank a gallon of water, and ranted for two hours. I’d give you another high five for decking Roddy, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
I inspected my hand, bruised and cut up and aching, just like my heart. “Fuck that guy.”
Phil watched me. “You gonna be okay?”
“Don’t really have a choice, do I?” I took a sip of coffee when I should have let it cool off, and a scalding trail burned down my chest.
“I don’t mean to be a dick,” Phil started, which indicated he was about to be a dick, “but you’ve been gone, distracted, checked out, man. We’re so close, but we need you to get to the end of this thing. I want you to be happy, but she’s driving you crazy, and we don’t have time for crazy right now.”
I nodded, eyes down and heart sinking. “It’s over. And I’m here. I’m ready. No more distractions. This — the game, you guys — this is my priority. I’m sorry I’ve been tied up with her.” Mistakes. Regret. It’s over. “She’s out of my system,” I lied and stood. “So let’s do this.”
They smiled, though their eyes were sad, and I headed back to my room to put on a shirt.
When I picked up my phone, I found myself looking for her name, for a text, a call. Anything. But I only found the time. And the time said to move on.
So I powered it down and tossed it into my nightstand where it could stay in the dark.
Turn Back, Icarus
“Don’t worry, Penny. Tacos will make everything better,” Veronica said as she hooked her arm in mine.
This was untrue. Tacos could solve a lot of problems, but Bodie and I were not one of them.
The sun blazed down on the three of us, Ramona at my other side, as we headed toward a taco joint to pick up lunch for the shop, and I found myself frowning, eyes on the sidewalk in front of me, feeling like utter shit. Batshit, if I were being accurate, because my shit was crazy.
It had been three days, four texts, two phone calls, and a bottle of Patrón, and I found myself even further away from closure with Bodie than I had been on the night I last saw him.
His silence should have been enough to let me know how he felt. But instead, I’d been driven mad with a thousand questions that only he could answer.
“Have you heard from him?” Ramona asked, reading my mind.
“Nope.” I popped the P as my mood sank a little deeper.
“Ugh,” she groaned. “This just doesn’t even feel like him, does it?”
“No, it doesn’t. But I seriously fucked it up. I just can’t help but wonder if that’s really it. Is it over? If I apologized, would it be okay? He won’t answer me though, so there’s not really anything I can do. I just wish I knew. I wish I had a chance to find out.”
Veronica frowned but said nothing.
I rambled on. “I’m so frustrated and butthurt and mental over it. I wonder if he’s doing it on purpose? Freezing me out to punish me?”
Veronica squeezed my arm. “Bodie wouldn’t do that. I’m sure he’s just busy. Don’t they have that video game thing coming up?”
“Yeah,” I conceded. “The whole thing sucks. I wish I could go back and do everything over again.”
Ramona nodded. “Have you thought about going over there?”
I jacked an eyebrow at her. “He’s not answering my texts, so you think I should stalk him?”
“Not stalk, just … face him.”
“Showing up over there would be crazy, which I realize I am, but that’s, like, next-level crazy.”
“Pen,” Ramona said as she hooked her arm in my free one, “you’re not crazy. You’re a mess, but you’re not crazy.”
I chuckled. “Thanks?”
“I mean it. And Bodie’s not going to think you’re crazy, especially if you apologize. I think he’ll give that to you. I’ve said from the jump that you need to just talk to him, and I think this might be your last chance.”
My heart burst apart like it had been stuffed with a lit M-80. “You think?”
“I do, on all counts. Go over there and talk to him. Tell him you’re sorry. Either he’ll tell you thanks, but no thanks or he’ll take you back. Either way, you’ll know.”
“So either I’ll be happy or miserable. That sounds super promising and not at all terrifying.”
Veronica chuckled. “Penny, you’re not afraid of anything but this one thing. I’m with Ramona. I say you should try so you can put it behind you. You’re miserable. It’s weird and very Four Horsemen.”
“I know,” I said on a soft laugh. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for how you feel.” Ramona leaned into me as we walked up to Taco Town. “But don’t be afraid to do something about your feelings either.”