‘Of course it doesn’t.’ He’d done wrong by her. Yes, he got that. So she had to give him a chance to make amends. And make some of her own. But he wanted to continue this conversation inside, out of this tiny, airless space.
CHAPTER FOUR
DEEP BREATH. Long sip of wine.
Say it. Ask him.
Vicki swallowed hard. She had to know before anything else. Forget that spat in the car. They’d both been venting pent-up emotions. This was her man, obviously injured. How well had he recovered? Were there long-term consequences to whatever had happened?
She carefully placed her over-full glass on the bench, her shaking hand making the liquid slop from side to side. ‘Tell me why you’re limping, and what else is causing you pain. Did something terrible occur while you were overseas?’
Had he been caught in enemy crossfire? That had always been on the cards, and had often kept her awake at night as she’d worried pointlessly over Cole being shot or injured whenever he was overseas with the army. But surely his CO would’ve informed her if that had happened?
Cole sighed, and rubbed his chin with his palm. Returning to the table, he sank onto a chair, carefully stretching his legs out to their long length. Reaching for the bottle of beer, he rolled it back and forth between those palms that could knead her into a frenzy if she let him. Hot memories poured into her, awakening nerve endings some more.
Was that the way forward? Reconnect through lovemaking? Make the darker elements of their relationship easier to deal with? No. All that would happen was she’d give in with nothing changed. And have a wonderful time on the way. Her eyes focused on Cole’s legs. Legs she loved having wound around her own as they slept. The open-neck shirt he’d changed into when ditching his wet clothes showed lightly tanned skin at the opening, making her hands itch to slip under the fabric and caress him, to feel his nipples tighten. Hers were tightening. This was hard. Impossible. He had to leave, give her some space, instead of cranking her up like a wind-up toy. Or she had to give in and tell him how much she loved him. And let go any chance of having meaning in her life that she’d created? ‘No,’ she repeated under her breath. ‘No.’
He still wasn’t answering her questions.
‘Tell me,’ she all but begged.
‘An out-of-control laden vehicle ran into the light utility truck I was aboard with some of my men.’ The bottle rotated back and forth faster. ‘I was injured.’
‘Where was this? While you were still overseas? Or after you came home?’ Where had she been at the time? England? Italy? France? Or here in Cairns? ‘When did it happen?’
‘East Timor. Four months ago.’
He was still limping! His injuries must’ve been horrendous. Hang on. Four months! Around the time she’d had the miscarriage and had been trying to figure how to go on without Cole. ‘You never told me. Why?’
Gripping the edge of the bench, she stared at him.
I’m his wife and I didn’t know.
Opening her mouth, she let the words pour out. ‘Did you think I wouldn’t care? What happened to the “Together through the good and the not so good times” promise, huh? Cole?’ She’d have been on the first plane out of wherever she’d been to get to his side. Forget everything else worrying her, Cole would’ve come first.
His mouth tightened for a moment. When he finally looked at her, those beautiful cobalt eyes were darkening with sadness. ‘It’s because I knew you’d come to me that I didn’t tell you.’
‘You didn’t want me there?’ Pain lanced her heart so hard it might stop any second. Cole hadn’t asked her to be with him when he’d been injured. He hadn’t wanted her with him as he recovered from those injuries. Here she’d been thinking she was the one who’d caused their differences.
Reaching for her glass to keep her hands busy in case she decided to throttle him, she stared at the man she’d thought she knew. Both hands gripped the stem to raise the glass. She took a big gulp, trying to drown the sense of falling into a deep quagmire of more pain and anguish. Their relationship was in a worse state than she’d imagined, had been for a lot longer than she’d realised. It was pointless to feel the slightest hope that they might find a way through their difficulties. It didn’t matter that she loved Cole. Another large gulp didn’t dissolve the fear starting to rise within her. They really weren’t on the same page about their marriage, and it seemed they never had been.
‘Vicki, no. You’re wrong. Please, sit down. Hear me out.’ His eyes were still locked on hers. ‘Please?’
‘I’m not sure I want to listen to you repeating how you didn’t want me with you when you’d been injured. Obviously seriously,’ she added around the thudding in her head and chest.
Her elbows hit the bench, sending sharp pain up her arms, splashing wine over her fingers. Her legs didn’t feel capable of shifting her to the table where Cole indicated. Staring at him, trying to read what he wasn’t telling her, she held her breath. Hear him out? Sure. She had to know the worst, get it over with. But she wished he’d hurry up while she was able to listen without being ill. Her lungs rose as she filled them with thick, humid air. ‘Explain that comment.’
Another anguished sigh fell between them. ‘It happened the day you miscarried. Minutes after you finished telling me and hung up.’
‘What? Truly?’ Cole had been involved in an accident moments after she’d dropped her bombshell on him? Was it indirectly her fault for giving him the shocking news while he’d been on duty? She’d distracted him so he hadn’t seen the other vehicle until it had been too late? Though he wouldn’t have answered her call if he hadn’t been in a safe place. Would he? She didn’t really know him as a soldier, but she did as a man who was careful and brave. Or so
she’d thought. ‘Were you driving?’
‘No.’
She staggered to the table and slid onto the chair he pushed out with his foot. ‘Go on,’ she whispered. He’d been hurt, badly, if that limp and his drawn face and less muscular body were anything to go by. She was a nurse, trained to read these things. Just hadn’t expected to see them knocking her husband about.
My husband.
Yes, Cole was still her husband. They weren’t together, were about to discuss divorce, but in the meantime... Her heart sank. In the meantime what? She wanted to be with him.
Hold on. Don’t give in now. You’ve come this far. See it through. Remember your mother and all she lost by giving herself over entirely to her family.
A deep breath, and then, ‘I want to hear everything.’
I think.
‘My driver saw the truck too late to avoid the impact. I was thrown forward, through the windscreen onto the road into the path of a car that also failed to dodge the accident. It stopped on top of me.’
She was going to throw up. Images of what a car could do to a body filled her mind. She’d seen people in emergency departments who’d been run over. Not even Cole’s strong, muscular body would’ve been a match for wheels attached to a heavy vehicle. Deep breaths. In, out, in, out. Cole had been squashed under a truck.
‘Here. Take it easy.’ His large hand splayed across her back, gently pushing her forward so her head was on her knees. ‘I’m fine.’
‘You don’t look it,’ she gasped between breaths.
‘Thanks for the compliment.’ His light-heartedness was forced, nothing like his usual banter. But then nothing was usual about tonight. Except that kiss. Intense, filled with love—and fear, which wasn’t usual.
Don’t go there.
Slowly, she lifted her head, sat back, shrugging his hand away when really she wanted to turn into his body and hold him for ever. ‘Carry on,’ she muttered around the longing filling her dry mouth.