She drove off, keeping a vigilant eye on traffic movement and not saying a word.
The atmosphere got more uncomfortable with every kilometre they went. Finally, he couldn’t take it any more and came up with something mundane to break the silence. ‘I spent last night with Nathan and Molly.’
She nodded. ‘I talked to Molly yesterday. The little ones are growing fast. She sends me lots of photos.’ Sadness hovered between them.
At least she’d spoken to him. Gazing at his beautiful woman, his gut clenched. The loss of their baby had taken the spark from her sapphire eyes and the ready smile he cherished. The jaunty way she held herself had been replaced with a heaviness he’d never known before, shocking him. Was she suffering from depression? She hadn’t mentioned it. But then she’d told him little in their terse phone calls. It was so unlike his Vicki. Nathan or Molly hadn’t said a word about her being depressed, but then they hadn’t told Vicki about his injuries either. Those two knew how to keep their noses out of other people’s problems and only give support when needed.
‘They are little rascals, into everything,’ he told her as he scoped those amazing legs that brought back some wonderful memories. Suddenly Cole smiled, despite the pain in his chest. Her purple, low-heeled shoes matched her lilac uniform perfectly, except they were classy, not drab like the shapeless outfit covering her curves. Vicki remained a shoe-aholic. It would take a lot to change that. Something about shoes had her reaching for her bank card all too often. Their wardrobe floor had always been chock-full, with no space for a single pair of his shoes, let alone his boots and sports gear.
He heaved out a breath tinged with relief. At least one thing was still the same. There had to be others. Maybe he could let the hope in a little bit further. Or was she buying more than her normal number of shoes to fill in the gap left by the baby? By him? Probably. By signing up for the army, he understood he had let her down. Especially because he hadn’t explained why he’d done it. At first there’d been no regrets. They had come later when he’d understood the price—too little time with his wife.
‘Have you met the woman Conrad’s started seeing?’ Vicki asked, reminding him he was meant to be keeping a conversation going here.
‘Not yet. Dad says he’s taking it slowly.’
‘He deserves some happiness.’
‘True. It’s been a long time on his own.’ Something he might be facing if this weekend didn’t go well. ‘His habit of working long hours means she’ll have to be patient if she hopes to spend lots of time with him.’
‘I understand that.’ Vicki’s jaw tightened.
Ouch. He’d walked right into that one. But he understood where Vicki was coming from. What if he had tried harder to be with her whenever he’d been on base in Sydney? What if he’d talked to her more about what made him tick so she’d understand where he was coming from? Cole shuddered. That mightn’t come easily, but it was something he had to get over if their relationship was to work out. She did deserve the best from him.
At least now there’d be more time for her, for them together. If he hadn’t left it too late. When he’d told her during their last phone call that he was back in Sydney, seeing out his contract, she hadn’t been full of the joy he’d hoped for. Certainly hadn’t given him anything to get excited about.
Since the scandal that had affected his family he’d become cautious about letting anyone into his heart. Nathan had eventually made it as a close friend. He glanced sideways to watch Vicki manoeuvre through the traffic along the water-covered road. This wonderful woman was the real exception. From the moment he’d met her he’d lost the battle to remain uninvolved. She’d had him by the short and curlies, and a whole more. She was beautiful, funny and serious all in one, cheeky, and totally into him. Unused to being accepted so readily and completely, he’d fallen hard.
He’d skimmed over what had happened all those years ago, hadn’t wanted to tell her how shamed he still felt; and how his family had paid huge consequences for him blindly trusting friends. Now he had to tell her everything, bare his faults, if he stood a chance of winning her back. Frustration burst across his lips. Why couldn’t he just touch Vicki? Feel her skin on his palm? Because he wouldn’t be able to stop at that. That’s why. Longing ran through his veins without any brakes. Only making love would calm him.
This weekend was too important to stuff up by coming on to her when she was obviously holding back. He’d love to return home to Sydney on Sunday with Vicki at his side. Or at least with a promise that she’d follow him as soon as she finished the job at the medical centre. From what he’d heard, the GP position at a family medical centre in Rose Bay, Sydney, was nearly his. One final interview on Monday and hopefully they’d move forward—together.
Get real.
From what he’d seen so far, nothing would be that straightforward. He had a lot of apologising to do, as well as a long-overdue explanation of why he had done the things he had. He needed to tell her why he’d become the man he was, but again the hesitation stalled him. He’d lost too much already because of those so-called friends. His mum to heart failure. His father to work as he’d tried to move on from his initial, ready acceptance of his son’s supposed guilt. Now he was available for Cole in a sad, less involved way, except when it came to supporting Vicki.
Cole’s life compartments—before the theft, during the repercussions, and afterwards were about keeping the past away from the future. Vicki didn’t belong in the past, and yet she deserved to know, if only so he could bury it once and for all. So why was he afraid to tell her? Pride, probably. An emotion that got in the way of being open and sensible. Okay, he’d add that to the list of things to discuss this weekend. In the end, it might be the easiest of the lot.
A fire engine came towards them on the other side of the road, lights flashing, the siren ripping through the air. Vicki looked sideways as it passed. ‘I imagine Damon’s lot will be busy pumping water from buildings.’
‘You haven’t heard from him?’ He liked Vicki’s brothers, though where he stood with either of them right now was anyone’s guess. This family was very loyal to each other, almost too much sometimes, and he might find himself an outsider now. ‘What about Phil?’ The police would also be out in force.
‘Not a word from either of them. At least Mum and Dad’s house is off the ground.’
‘Looks like the power hasn’t been affected.’
Just then lightning cracked across the sky directly in front of them.
‘Did you have to say that?’ Vicki smiled easily for the first time since he’d arrived.
His heart melted all over again, which it was prone to do whenever they were together. ‘Of course I did.’ It used to be one of their little jokes. Vicki reckoned he always tempted fate with his wisecracks. For a brief moment he felt good.
Then she spoiled it. ‘Fingers crossed you’re wrong.’
Vicki had hated the dark ever since, as a teen, she’d gone to the bathroom without turning on lights and sat on the toilet, only to get bitten on the backside by a carpet snake languishing in the water. Apparently, only weeks previously her friend had nearly died from a poisonous snake bite. She always kept a night light on in the hall when she went to bed. Out at Palm Beach it would be darker than in the city if there was a power failure with no generators to keep street lights going or emergency lights glowing from high-rise buildings. She wouldn’t let him hold or comfort her tonight. She was too edgy for that. Apart from the odd slip she’d been holding herself tight, keeping away from him physically and mentally since the moment he’d said hello.
‘I have been known to be,’ he said quietly. About a lot of things. Especially about how he hadn’t been there for Vicki at the worst times. But she hadn’t always given him a fair chance, either. ‘Why didn’t you wait until I came home to discuss how unhappy you were? It wasn’t going to be for ever. Hearing you say you’d had enou
gh over the phone was awful.’
‘It would’ve been nicer if you were standing in front of me?’ she snapped.
‘No, but it might’ve been easier to understand with you unable to hang up on me. That’s when we could’ve talked about everything.’
‘Like all the other times, you mean? Ten minutes between parade and going to the medical unit. Or in bed after making love and you falling asleep because you’d just done seventy-two hours nonstop on an exercise. Give me a break, Cole. You never took time to actually listen to what I said.’
‘I heard everything. Every time. What about me? You know it was important to me to do the years in the army.’ So much for waiting until they were at the house before talking.
‘Didn’t know why, though.’
The car’s indicator was flicking, Vicki turning onto the road that led to Palm Beach and her parents’ home. Her focus was totally on the street ahead. Her hands were gripping the steering wheel and her chin pointed forward.
The need to be out of this tiny, intense space began overwhelming him. To be inches away from Vicki and not lay his hand on her thigh, or rub his shoulder against hers, was driving him insane. Not that spending the next two days and nights inside the house with only her for company was going to be much better. In this weather there’d be no getting away from each other whenever they needed to think and breathe properly and gain some equilibrium.
She turned into the driveway.
Time was up. Out of the car and into the fire.
Unless he could make her understand he’d never wanted to hurt her and that he’d do anything not to do it again—except walk away from her for ever.
Tugging the key from the ignition, she snapped, ‘Come on, Cole. Losing the baby broke my heart. And you weren’t there. From where I stood, it seemed you never had been when I needed you, and what guarantees did I have you would be in the future? Sure, I was sad, lonely and down. I reacted out of fear and desperation. But I’ve had time to think about it, and I would still do the same.’
‘And you say I’m the one to let you down.’
‘I’ll take my share of the blame, if it makes you any happier.’