‘No.’
So Ally didn’t believe in a happy future for herself.
Her laugh was brittle as she shifted the direction of the conversation. ‘I had one goal—to become a midwife. Shortly after my foster-mother’s baby arrived, I went back into a group home, but I enrolled for night lessons at high school and worked my backside off during the day. Finally I made it to nursing school and then did the midwifery course and here I am.’ The words spilled out as though she wanted this finished. But she couldn’t hide her pride.
‘It must’ve been darned hard work.’ Lots of questions popped into his head, questions he doubted she’d answer. Ally looked exhausted after revealing that much about herself. It obviously wasn’t something she did often—or at all.
The drive home was quiet. Flynn’s forefingers drummed a rhythm on the steering wheel as his frustration grew. He’d learnt something very important about Ally that had briefly touched on who she was, and yet it wasn’t enough. There had to be so much behind what he’d heard, things she obviously kept locked up, and he needed to hear them. How else could he help her?
‘Dad, stop. You’re going past our house.’
Flynn braked, looked around. ‘Just checking to see if you were awake.’
Ally stared at him like he’d grown another nose. ‘It’s dangerous not to concentrate when you’re driving.’
Because she was right and he didn’t want to tell her what had distracted him, he ignored her and pressed the automatic garage door opener.
Inside the house, Flynn reached for the kettle. ‘What would you like to do now, Ally?’
She tensed briefly then shook her head. ‘You know what? I’m going to head back to the flat. I’ve got a few chores that need doing.’
His heart lurched. ‘Thank you for sharing some of your story.’
Her deliberate shrug closed him off from her. ‘I’m just your regular girl. And this regular girl needs to do some washing and answer some emails before work tomorrow.’
He wanted to insist she stay and share a light dinner, watch a movie on TV with him, but for once he knew when to shut up. ‘Okay. I’ll see you in the morning, then.’
CHAPTER SEVEN
ALLY DROPPED HER keys on the bench and stared around Kat’s flat. Not grand on any scale, but a cosy and comfortable bolthole for Kat at the end of her day, a place to kick off her shoes and be herself. A place to face the world from.
What had possessed her to spill her guts to Flynn? At least he’d understand why she wasn’t mother material. But it was Adam’s laughing face cruising through her mind, teasing her with hope when in reality she wasn’t ready for a child, would never be. Ally caressed her two ornamental dogs, her mouth twisted in sadness. Real-life pets required stability in their lives. The idea of owning a home hadn’t made it onto her list of goals for the next ten years. She faced everything the world threw her way by digging deep and putting on a mask. She didn’t need bricks and mortar to hide behind. Honestly, she had no idea about setting up a home that she could feel comfortable in.
Would I feel more content, less alone, if I had a place I could call home? A place—the same place—to live in between jobs, instead of bunking with whoever has a spare bed?
Sweat broke out on her upper lip. Her stomach rolled with a sickening sensation. Thirty-one and she’d never had a home, not even as a child. Those foster-homes she’d lived in had been about survival, not about getting settled. She’d always tried so hard to please her foster-parents in the desperate hope they’d fall in love with her and adopt her, but that had never happened. The only time she’d believed she might be there long term had ended in tears and her packing her few possessions to take to the next stop in her life. She’d finally wised up to the fact—starting with her own mother—that no one cared for her enough to give her what she craved.
Don’t go there. You’ve been over and over and over trying to understand why she left you on a stranger’s doorstep. There is no answer.
Poking around in her bag, she found her music player, put the earbuds in and turned the volume up loud. Music helped to blot out the memories. Sometimes.
Then her phone vibrated against her hip and broke through her unease. Removing the earbuds, she answered the phone. ‘Hey, Lilia, glad you rang.’ Curling up on the settee she sighed with relief. A bit of girl talk would send those other thoughts away. ‘What have you been up to?’
Lilia had refused to be pushed away while she’d been on a job in Lilia’s home town, and they’d become friends despite her wariness.
‘Just the usual. What about you? Having a blast on the island?’
‘Yep, it’s great.’
‘Try to sound like you mean that,’ Lilia said. ‘Not like you’ve been sent to the middle of nowhere with no man in sight.’
That might’ve been boring, but it would’ve been safer. Flynn was sneaking in under her radar. She drew a breath and found some enthusiasm. ‘Oh, there are men here. Even downright drop-dead sexy ones.’
‘Ones, as in many? Or one? As in you’re having fun?’
‘One. Dr Flynn Reynolds. Do you know him? He used to work at one of Melbourne’s hospitals, left about two years ago.’
‘The name doesn’t ring any bells, and I can’t picture him. Is he a GP?’
‘A GP, a widower and father of one. Perfect for a short fling.’
‘Why do I hear a note of uncertainty?’ Lilia suddenly laughed. ‘Oh, my God, don’t tell me you’ve gone and fallen for him? You? Miss Staying Single For Absolutely Ever? I don’t believe it.’
‘That’s good because it’s not true.’ Not true. Not true. Her heart thudded so loudly Lilia probably heard it. Her fingers gripped the phone. ‘We’ve been doing the legover thing, even taken the dog and kid for a walk, but that’s as far as it’s going.’
‘Taken the kid and dog for a walk?’ Lilia shrieked. ‘That’s Domesticity 101. You are so toasted.’
Panic began clawing through Ally, chilling her, cranking her heart rate up. ‘Seriously.’ She breathed deeply. ‘Seriously, it’s all about the sex. Nothing else.’
Lilia was still laughing. ‘Go on, tell me some more. Is this Flynn gorgeous?’
‘Yes, damn it, he is.’
‘Good. Is he a great dad?’
‘What’s that got to do with anything?’ The panic elbowed her. Adam was happy, but even if he wasn’t, that had nothing to do with her. Unless she was contemplating having babies with the man. The phone hit the floor with a crash.
Slowly bending to retrieve the phone, she couldn’t think of what to say to Lilia. She didn’t know what to think, full stop.
Fortunately, Lilia had no such difficulty. ‘What happened? You okay? I’m sorry if I’ve upset you. You know I mean nothing when I say these things.’
Swallow. ‘Sure. I dropped the phone, that’s all.?
? Another swallow. ‘Lilia, what if I did like Flynn? I can’t do anything about it. I know nothing about families or looking after kids or playing house.’
‘Hey, girlfriend, go easy on yourself. You’re so much better than you think. You’re capable of anything you set your mind to. I know you haven’t told me everything, but how you handled putting yourself through school and getting a degree shows that in bucketloads. Do you really like him?’
Unfortunately, it could be shaping up that way. It would explain her unease and sudden need to re-evaluate her life. But it was early days. She’d soon be out of here and so would whatever feelings she was dealing with. She’d settle back to her normal, solo life and forget Flynn. Easy. ‘He’s okay. So how’s it going in Turraburra? Any interesting men coming your way?’
‘That’s why I rang.’ Lilia got a giant-sized hint without having to be bashed over the head. ‘You know Noah Jackson, don’t you?’
‘Enough to say hello to and swap a sentence or two about our weekends whenever I bump into him, which isn’t often as I rarely see the surgical teams. Seems an okay guy, though.’ She turned the tables. ‘You interested in him?’
‘I’ve heard he’s starting here in a month or so, apparently.’
‘He can’t be. You’ve got the wrong guy. Noah doesn’t do general practice. He’s a senior surgical registrar, not a GP. Great guy he may be, but he’s very determined to get to the top of his career—and that does not include sitting and talking to mothers and their colicky babies in a small town.’
Lilia sniffed. ‘Nothing wrong with general practice.’
‘I know that. But I can’t see Noah fitting into it. Nah, you’ve got the wrong guy. The Noah I know wouldn’t be seen dead in a place like Turraburra.’
‘Well, I heard he’ll be with us for four weeks. Perhaps it’s a mistake.’