As Cara fell into an exhausted slumber, he closed his eyes and wondered what he was going to do.
Chapter Six
CARA WOKE UP WITH HIS arms wrapped tight around her.
She blinked, remembering the scene and the things she'd told him. Things she'd wanted to confess for a long, long time. Lying still, body sore from use, she wondered if Rem believed her. He was the type of Dom to always comfort a submissive. It was amazing how ruthless he could be within a scene; trained completely on her satisfaction no matter what he used to get her there. He'd changed. Before, if she protested, or sulked, or fought his demands, he gave in. Cara knew it was because he'd loved her and recognized they were finding their way.
But it had still been too much for her.
"You're awake."
She blinked and lifted her gaze. Stunning ocean blue eyes seethed with a variety of emotions, before shutting down behind the barrier. Cara knew the wall too well. She'd used it many times in her past, but not tonight. Tonight, was a gift, and she'd use the opportunity without holding back.
"Yes. I'm sorry about -- that."
A frown marred his dark brows. "Never be sorry about emotion. It's the most honest thing we have. My intent was to push you to tears. Sometimes, we need the cleansing. How are you feeling?"
"Good. A bit sore."
"Good. I always liked you sore. Meant you were worshipped the way you should be."
Raw emotion clogged her throat. This man had never left her heart, even after all these years. The combination of ruthless command and aching gentleness undid her completely. She spoke in a husky voice. "Rem, I should've never ran away. I didn't want to hurt you, but I convinced myself it would be better for both of us if I just disappeared."
His jaw clenched. "Better for you, Cara. Not me. I have to hand it to you -- I had no idea. I thought you were as happy as I was."
"You did make me happy. But I doubted myself, and each time I tried to share with you, you told me I was perfect." Misery crept through her. "It's crazy, I know, but I needed you to step back and let me find my way. It wasn't just about the sex, Rem. You were sure about your future as a dealer, and our future. Sure about your wants, and your needs. You knew where we were going to live, and that I'd work as a teacher, and that we'd have three children one day. There was never any room for doubt, and I felt like, I felt like--"
"Like what?"
She dragged in a breath and dove into truth. "I felt like I was disappearing. I didn't know who I was anymore, because you already knew. Does that make sense?"
Naked pain flickered over his face. Cara reached out and touched his cheek. He flinched. "Yes. I loved you too much."
Cara closed her eyes against the grief. "Yes. I wasn't ready for a man like you. I needed to crash and burn and make mistakes and find out who I was. Without you."
The distance and coolness shimmered around him. Cara felt as if she could actually touch the barrier separating them, from too many regrets and scars that never healed properly. It was her fault. He hadn't deserved to spend these past five years wondering what he'd done wrong. Somehow, some way, Cara needed to heal this man, and forge something new between them. They couldn't go back.
But they could move forward.
"Rem, I thought about contacting you, but I was afraid I'd beg your forgiveness and re-start the cycle. I had to grow up and find my own way first. I never stopped loving you."
His lips tightened. "Cara, you were never returning to me. And I couldn't take you back. The cliche is exactly right - there's too much water under this bridge to save. What you love is the memory of your first love. But it wasn't real."
Her eyes stung. "Yes, it was," she said. "It was so real it scared the living hell out of me. Don't you know why I signed up for FANTA-C, Rem? I wanted to experience everything I'd ever been afraid of. You were right. I'm a submissive, and I love that part of myself. I just wasn't ready to be your submissive. Now, I know I'm the woman I always knew I could be. Not a girl, but a woman to hold her own and not be afraid when things get hard. A woman strong enough to be yours."
Rem shook his head. "What we had is long gone. You've haunted me over the years. I think we were meant to see each other one last time to clear up the past. Maybe we can finally let each other go now."
Cara jerked back. Of course. He looked at this night as a cleansing to wring her from his system. She didn't blame him. All she could do is give him everything he asked for and more. Surrender her body and her heart and soul. If she lost, at least she had no regrets.
"Rem, you're not alone. I've woken up every morning with the memory of your face behind my closed lids. I've gone to sleep every night with your name on my lips."
In seconds, he roared up and flipped her over, pinning her arms back and pressing her deep into the mattress. She gasped at the leashed savagery of his hold, the thick strain of his cock pressing against her buttocks. Primal desire pumped through her veins and made her wet.
"I'm not here to talk about the past," he growled in her ear. "I'm here to test your limits. I'm here to fuck you over and over until dawn. Understood?"
She shivered and kept her secret close to her heart. Everything made sense now. These last five years had been necessary to make her way back to him, and gain his forgiveness. She'd win him back. She had no choice, but right now, he was her Dom and demanded her submission. "Yes, Sir."
"Good. Get up from the bed and wait for my instructions."
He climbed off her. Cara stood beside the bed, naked. She made sure to keep her shoulders back and spread her legs. His nod of approval made her confidence surge. Cara watched him rustle a spreader bar from his duffel bag, along with two long chains. Her eyes widened in surprise when he walked to the center of the room and attached the chains to the hooks in the ceiling.
His lip kicked up in that famous half smile. "FANTA-C has these hotels for a reason. I told them exactly what I needed for tonight, and they provided." He tested the hold and made some adjustments. "Come here, Cara."
She obeyed. He shackled each of her wrists. Her hands were pulled above her head, but not too high where she'd cramp up. "Feet wide apart, please." Cara spread her legs wide, and he slipped the spreader bar between her ankles. Once again, he adjusted the width until she was open to him but her thighs weren't straining with discomfort. The position put her completely at his mercy, her body on display for whatever he wanted to do.
The slow, smug grin curved his lips. How badly she wanted that delicious mouth on her everywhere. The memory of those powerful orgasms tightened her nipples into hard points, and immediately, her pussy throbbed in demand. Remington Steele was addictive. Her body had never forgotten him, and was well trained in responding to the slightest touch or look.
"Very nice. Does anything hurt?"
"No, Sir."
"We'll fix that soon." Her heart pounded frantically as he removed a flogger. Smacking it against his palm, the thud of the leather hit her ears and flooded her with arousal. "Ah, I see someone has learned to enjoy the flogger. Who was the Dom that trained you?"
"Paul, Sir."
Determination flickered in his eyes. "I know Paul well. Let's see how well he served you, shall we? I'll begin with a warm-up. Don't forget your safe word."
"Yes, Sir."
Cara began the deep breathing she was taught, and softened her body against the dull slap of the flogger. He kept a light, experienced hand, covering every inch of skin until she was warm and tingly. She pulled at the chains, enjoying her bondage and the sound of the clinking metal, reminding her all choices were out of her hand. Rem circled her body, moving from the back of her legs, up to her ass, and covering her back. Suddenly, his hard hands were on her ass, rubbing and squeezing her flesh, dipping one finger into her pussy to test her wetness. A moan spilled from her lips.
"You're so wet, sweetheart. My little slut likes to get beaten by my hand. I like my subs vocal. So I won't be satisfied until you scream, Cara. Until you beg me to let you come. Do you
understand?"
She gasped as his finger coated her clit with her own wetness. A tingle of alarm cut through her. She disliked yelling during a flogging, preferring to bury the pain deep inside. To her, it was a test of her will. A matter of dignity. But he wanted her agreement, so she easily gave it to him. "Yes, Sir."
"Let's begin."
Cara jerked at the first real slap against her ass. The sting was more than she anticipated, and her body tensed up. God, it hurt. Paul had moved slowly, taking her to higher levels with a careful precision that allowed her to trust. If Paul gave her a hard slap, his next would be medium, then low, then back up. It became almost hypnotic and soothing. She'd heard many subs found a deep release via the use of pain, and though she enjoyed it, Cara figured she wasn't built that way.
Rem continued without lessening the strength of his hits. She liked the flogger. But not like this. Not with such... intensity. She waited for a breather, but Rem fell into a steady rhythm, alternating right to left, increasing the blows until she was shaking with the effort not to wriggle away. Swallowing hard, she tried to wrap her mind around the pain and sift through it. Biting her lip hard, she struggled to remain quiet.
The next blow on her inner thigh forced a low cry from her throat. A strange, unsettled emptiness rose up from her belly, flickering across her sensitive nerve endings. Her ass burned like fire.
Suddenly, he stopped. "I'm not hearing you, Cara. Where are we? Do you need your safe word?"
She panted and squeezed her eyes shut. "No, Sir."