I felt terrible that the smile slipped off Penny’s face, my sweet girl uneasily looking between us, but I couldn’t find it in myself to fake it.
“Mia.” This from Lyrik who raged by the wall.
I didn’t look at him, just muttered, “It’s fine, Lyrik. You should probably give us a minute to talk.”
I could feel the animosity coming off of my brother, the silent threat he emitted. Nixon just stared him down. Both of them volatile. Prone to violence.
“Do you want me to take the kids?” Tamar offered from right behind me.
“Yeah.”
Nixon grunted. “Leave my kids here.”
Lyrik took a step forward.
I put out my hand. “It’s fine. Just go.”
I could sense Tamar nod, her wariness, the little shock of vicious that she was radiating from her body as she wound passed, Lyrik hesitating, before he finally gave.
At least I knew I would always have them to take up my side.
The four of us were frozen in this lock-down until Lyrik and Tamar’s footsteps retreated, both doors clicking shut.
I glanced at my daughter. “Penny, please take Greyson into the next room.”
She seemed unsure, questioning it all, but she took Greyson from my arms. “Thank you, sweet girl.”
She nodded, looking back once, before she stepped into the other room and closed the door.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded as soon as they were out of earshot.
The second I said it, Nixon let go of the anger he’d been restraining. “I told you I was coming to take you and my kids home.”
I was struck with a bluster of rage. Something old. Something I’d tried to keep covered for the sake of my children. “And I think you should know by now that you don’t have a say about what I do.”
He angled forward. His ice-blue eyes hard, all the sharp, cut angles of his face harsh. “Well, I think I have a say in where my kids are living and who they are hanging around, don’t you? Where is he?”
“Not here.” I wasn’t about to honor him with the details.
“Stay away from him, Mia. I’m warning you.”
I could feel the force of the grief twisting my face. “That’s what this is about? That’s why you showed up here? Because I’m with someone else? Because I fell in love with someone else?” I spat the words. Knowing they were daggers.
I didn’t care.
He didn’t get to do this.
Fury blistered across his face, and he released a cruel bout of laughter. “You think you love him? You don’t even know him.”
I scoffed. Disgusted. Wondering how I’d ever let this jerk touch me. “You don’t know anything about me, Nixon. Know nothing. You know nothing of what I feel or what I want or who I know. And you don’t get to come barging in here pretending like you do.”
“He’s dangerous, Mia.”
My face pinched. “What are you talking about?”
A disturbance rising up. A flicker of awareness that sent worry flooding through my senses.
Contempt rolled from his tongue. “Leif and I? We go way back. Asshole hates me, and the only reason he is here is to get back at me.”
Shock rocked me to the soul.
An earthquake.
A fault line that split me in two.
“What did you just say?” I tried to make the words sound defiant, but they trembled in my throat.
Aftershocks.
He knew Leif?
That couldn’t . . . that couldn’t be possible.
No.
“I said he’s dangerous, Mia, and you and the kids are coming with me.”
Dizziness spun, and the nausea I’d been fighting all day hit me hard. I ran into the bathroom.
Dropped to my knees.
Purged the pain.
I clung to the edge of the toilet, trying to see through the tears that rushed down my face and blurred my sight.
Leif knew Nixon.
Leif knew Nixon.
Oh God.
Why . . . why would he do this to me? Why would he come here and rip me apart?
I will ruin you.
I will ruin you.
Is that what he meant? Had he done this on purpose? Cruel and unjust.
No. There was no way. He’d pushed me away a thousand times. But our connection had been too great. The man my gravity.
There was no faking that.
My mind spun, back to what Penny had said. The worry she’d worn when she’d explained Leif’s reaction to Nixon.
They knew each other.
They did.
That’s what had sent Leif running.
I moaned through the agony, and I could hear Nix in the other room, telling Penny to get her things.
Greyson was whimpering. Crying for me.
I had to get it together. Understand what Nixon meant. I refused to believe it—that Leif was actually dangerous.
That he would hurt us.
Leif’s voice spun.
But the rest of who I was? He was a bad guy. He did horrible, bad things.”
“Just because I didn’t pull the trigger doesn’t mean I wasn’t responsible. Doesn’t mean I’m not the devil.”
I puked some more. Unable to keep it down. To stop this eruption of grief. The poison that roiled inside of me.