"I dont want to upset you, Amy, but. . . I cant do my job when I have to check up on you, worry about you, or make sure youre okay," he explains when the guy is out of sight. "Youre a distraction. "
"And what about that Liron girl in your unit? Shes a girl. Why arent you worried or distracted by her?"
"Shes not my girlfriend. You are. And shes Israeli-- youre American. "
"So if I was Israeli, youd be fine with me being here?"
"If you were Israeli, you wouldnt have a choice. Youd be required to serve in the military. But youre American. "
Yeah, technically. But. . . "My dad is Israeli, so that makes me half Israeli. And Im Jewish. Ive heard that every Jewish person can automatically get Israeli citizenship just because theyre Jewish. "
"But youre not Israeli, Amy. Tell me youre okay with trading in your designer sunglasses and designer clothes. " He takes my hand in his and looks at my painted nails. "And your pink nails, for dirt buried under your fingernails. "
I pull my hand away. "For your information, Avi, I dont even own designer sunglasses. " Okay, so technically I owned them a few hours ago, before they fell into the pee/ poop hole in the bathroom. But Id rather die than admit that fact. "And even though I do have painted nails, and Id rather be at the beach than learning how to march in formation," I continue, examining my nails and noticing a new chip in my polish on my index finger that Ill have to fix later, "Im doing this for you. . . for us. "
"Gefen!" a guy yells out. That guy just happens to be none other than Sergeant B-S.
Oh, no! Were totally busted!
Avi straightens and whirls around. "Ken, Hamefaked! he says, then salutes to the sergeant.
Sergeant B-S barks out some command in Hebrew. Then he says, "Amy, go eat. Dont stop on your way there. "
"Its my fault that Avi and I are alone," I tell Sergeant B-S. "I--"
Avi takes my elbow and gives it a gentle squeeze, cutting my explanation short. "Just do as he says. I would make that an order, because Im a higher rank than you. But I know you better than to do that. So Ill say please. "
"Im sorry I got you in trouble," I tell Avi quickly, then run to the cheder ochel.
Once there, everyone is busy eating dinner. Miranda waves me over. "Amy, over here!" I sit next to her and she pushes a plate full of food at me. "Here. I got you food. "
I dont feel like eating, but know I need my strength. I nibble on bread and choke down the Israeli salad (which doesnt have any lettuce--whats up with that? Its just tomatoes, cucumbers, and onions). Every second or two I glance at the door to see if Avi walks in. I wonder how much trouble hes in and wish we could have avoided getting caught altogether.
Five minutes later (which means I checked the front entrance about three hundred times), Avi walks in with the sergeant. Neither look happy.
Avi s gaze briefly meets mine before he sits with the rest of the Sayeret Tzefa squad.
"Where were you?" Tori says to me from the opposite side of the table.
"In the bathroom," I lie.
"Oh, really? Because I saw you go off with that Israeli guy you hugged this morning and I was worried. I mean, I know the rules state we can get kicked out of the program if were caught fooling around. "
"So you told the sergeant?"
"Oh, no. Actually I told Ronit I was worried something happened to you. Of course she was talking to Sergeant Ben-Shimon at the time. " Tori puts her fingers to her lips and sucks in a breath. "I didnt get you in trouble, did I?"
I dont buy her fake concern for a second. I let out a big, hearty chuckle. "No. "
Tori is officially a person I will never trust. The girl is as manipulative as this girl Roxanne at my school.
Tori now gestures in the direction of Avis table. "How do you know him?"
"Hes her boyfriend," Miranda informs her cheerily. "Theyve been dating for a year. "
"Wow. A long-distance relationship?"
"Yep," I say.
"So are you guys exclusive or what?"
Thats a tricky question. Avi and I agreed to have a dont ask/dont tell policy since were apart for such long periods of time. If I go on a casual date, Im not going to tell Avi. Hes not going to tell me if hes been on one, either. Avi and I are boyfriend and girlfriend, but were trying to be realistic about our relationship.
"Hes not available, if thats what youre thinking," I say, more defensively than I mean to.
If they werent aware of it previously, our entire table now knows Im dating Avi. I try not to glance at him while were eating, but I cant help it. A few times I catch him looking back at me, but as soon as we make eye contact he breaks it.
This is definitely not turning out the way I expected. Has coming here been a huge mistake?
After were done eating and scrape our plates into the big garbage bins (that dont have liners so Im not sure how they clean them), were excused to our barracks. I try to linger, hoping to exchange a few words with Avi, but Ronit comes up to me with a big frown on her face.
"Amy?" she says.
"Yeah. "
"Follow me. "
Chapter 9
Is it any wonder the person who invented pushups hasnt come forward to claim their invention?
Its just me and Ronit walking away from everyone else. I follow my instructor to an open area, beyond the barracks. To my surprise, Avi and Sergeant B-S are waiting for us. Avi is standing at attention.
"Stand next to Avi," Ronit orders.
I have to get Avi out of trouble. Im the one who lives in the gray areas of life, not Avi, so he shouldnt be reprimanded.
"Were very disappointed in both of you," Ronit says.
"It was my fault," I admit to our superiors. "I begged him to talk to me in priv--"
The sergeant, with a very pissed-off look on his face (which has just gone a dark shade of red resembling a very red grape), cuts me offin a stern loud voice. "Do not speak until spoken to!"
"But he--"
"Die!" (I learned back in January that die means "stop, enough!" in Hebrew. . . because when Avi told my dog to "die" when it was sniffing his crotch, I thought he was being rude, but he was just giving a command. )
I cover my mouth with my hands to stop myself from accidentally opening my lips and getting myself or Avi into more trouble.
Sergeant B-S steps between Avi and me. He gives Avi an order in Hebrew, then says, "Gefen, Kadimal" Then the sergeant turns to me. "Your job is to watch him. Come," he says, placing me a few feet in front of my boyfriend so Im facing him.
"Watch him?" I question.
"Yes. Just stand and watch. "
I know if I protest its going to give him another reason to yell at me.
Avi, the ever-obedient soldier, gets on the gravel ground and does a pushup, then stands and our eyes meet. He repeats the pushup/standing exercise a few more times, and each time he stands our eyes meet. We cant talk, so our eye contact is the only way to communicate with each other.
Avis straight, direct eye contact with me is telling me that hes okay. . . hes strong and hes fine.
Im feeling worse than guilty. I wonder when hell get to stop.
Avi is still going strong after five minutes, even though his back must be bruised from the rifle strapped to him. His palms are probably raw and bleeding from the gravel, too, but he doesnt give any sign hes in pain.
I hate watching this. The day has started to cool off, but Im sweating again. Every time he goes down for another pushup, I wince. When he comes up, I want to tell him Im sorry and wont lure him away again. After ten minutes, I swallow back tears and give Sergeant B-S a pleading look. Hes got his arms folded in front of him, and doesnt show any sign of planning to let Avi stop any time soon.
I know when Avi is in pain, even though by looking at him you couldnt tell. I know it because he stops looking directly at me when he stands between those pushups. Hes looking forward, but not at me. . . hes looking through me. Hes in "the zone" and
is a robot now. Its a miracle he hasnt thrown up his dinner. I sure feel like throwing up mine.
My stomach twists. I cant deal with the fact that Im just standing here doing nothing. I cant follow the order just to watch Avi. I know Avi wont stop until the sergeant says to, even if hes in pain.
I get it. Break down the soldier until they understand rules are not to be broken. Ever. Or else. Avi and I cannot go away in private even if were dating. He knew this, but I lured him to break the rules and he did.
In the army there are no gray areas. I was wrong to ask him to break the rules, and Avi is paying the price for listening to me.
The next time he stands, I mimic him like a mirror and get on the ground to do a pushup with him. I try and do a manly pushup without putting my knees on the ground, even though my arms have the strength of a spaghetti noodle.
Silently I pray to God to give me strength.
"When Avi and I both stand, this time he looks right at me and is not in "the zone" anymore. He shakes his head just the slightest bit, telling me to stop mimicking him. But I wont. I did the crime; its not fair that hes the only one doing the time. The sergeant wanted to make me feel guilty. It worked.
I am back on the ground again, doing another pushup. Little pebbles get stuck to my sweaty palms, and it makes me cringe imagining what Avis palms must feel like. But I dont stop.
"Die!" Sergeant B-S says.
For a second, I think hes giving an order for both of us to die on the spot. . . maybe hell just take his gun and shoot us both. A harsh punishment for disobeying orders, but this is the army so maybe anything goes.
But then I remember it means "stop. " Avi and I immediately stand at ease.
"I told you watch him. Youre not good with following directions," the sergeant tells me.
I dont know if Im supposed to answer or not, so I stay silent.
"Gefen tells me you and him are, uh, together. Is this the truth?"
My eyes stay on Avi when I say, "Yes, sir. " "This is a problem. On this base, between parachute training and Counter Terror School, Sayeret Tzefa trainees are assigned as instructors for the American volunteers. Special Ops soldiers must obey rules or they get reassigned. Eighty percent of Sayeret Tzefa trainees flunk training. Gefen might get reassigned as a driver if he doesnt obey the rules. And Gefen would rather die than be a driver. Nachon, Gefen?"
Avi stands tall and says, "Ken, Hamefakedr "I understand," I say. "It wont happen again. " "I dont care what you do off base or when Gefen is out of uniform. On my base, hes my soldier. Amy, you are a civilian trainee, dont forget that. Israeli soldiers are not to go off in private with civilian trainees of the opposite sex. Understand?"
"Ken, sir," I say, using the Hebrew word for "yes. " Its one of the few Hebrew words that I actually know how to use correctly.
"Youre both dismissed," he says. "Zooz. " Avi does an immediate about-face and jogs away as if he hasnt just pushed his body to the limit. I want to run after him and apologize. I itch to examine his palms and take away whatever pain and cuts and bruises hes endured because of me.