“Seriously, TMI,” Forest whispers.
Skye just laughs.
They get quieter as we move into the bedroom.
Chase lays Charlotte down on a tiny foam mattress that’s sitting inside a mesh crib.
I kiss her goodbye.
Give him his moment.
He lingers with her forever—and I thought the guy loved Ariel—then he turns to me, slides his arm around my shoulder, shakes his head. “Are you going to admit you’re miserable? Or do I have to—”
“What, hit it out of me?”
He arches a brow really.
“You ever hit someone?” I ask.
He shakes his head no. “I was going to offer you a drink.”
“You’re offering me a drink?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s that bad?” I ask.
“It’s way worse.”
Chapter Forty-Six
Daisy
I mingle. I chat. I even flirt with the guy from my AP Chemistry class.
I don’t avoid or overdo it on the cupcakes (decorated with bright blue icing and gold candy, of course).
I wait until the party dies down. I make it all the way through my shower. All the way until I’m in my bedroom alone, Holden’s present resting on my sheets.
It shouldn’t be the present.
It should be him.
His body against mine, his sweet nothings in my ears, his hands on my skin.
It should be a million things.
But it’s not. And I know…
This is what he wants.
It’s what makes sense.
Sure, it’s horrible and miserable and awful. And it’s only going to hurt more when he’s an extra few hundred miles away.
But—
It’s logical.
There’s no reason to go to college with a boyfriend.
With a boyfriend who’s never even been a boyfriend.
With baggage.
With a tether.
With an inability to truly lose myself in the moment.
I pull the covers over my head.
I tell myself I won’t open the present.
But I do it anyway.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Daisy
There’s a soft knock on my door.
I swallow a sob. Pull my cover over my head. Press my eyes together. Please go away. Please don’t force me to face this. Please—
“Daisy.” Oliver’s voice is understanding. “I’m coming in.”
“Don’t.”
Yellow light floods the room as he opens the door.
He steps inside. Presses the door shut. Sits on the bed.
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah?”
I nod yeah.
“Crying in your bed, alone, at ten p.m. because you’re fine?”
“That’s what fine people do.” I press the silver key chain between my palms. It’s mine. I want it to stay mine.
To stay ours.
If Oliver sees it—
Sure, it’s under the blanket, but… I don’t know.
I just need it to be mine. All mine.
“You need to know something, Daisy,” he says.
“That you refuse to believe simple facts? Like me being fine?”
He turns so he’s looking me in the eyes. “If he hurt you, I’m going to kill him.”
“Oliver—”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t. I’m not a fucking idiot.”
I swallow hard.
“And don’t say I thought you wouldn’t notice ’cause you’re so drunk all the time or some shit like that. You aren’t changing the subject.”
“I’m an adult.”
“I know.”
“I can sleep with anyone I want.”
He stands. Flips on the light.
Fuck, that’s bright. I pull the cover over my head.
He tugs it back. Sits at my desk. Shakes his head at the sorry sight that is my life. “What? Did it get too real for him?”
“No, I… it was my idea. Or his. I don’t know.”
“It your idea to…”
I clear my throat. “Can we not?”
“Sure.”
“Thank you.”
“As long as you look me in the eyes and convince me you’re actually okay.”
“I’m just…” I meet my brother’s gaze.
He stares back with those penetrating blue eyes.
It’s way too much. Honestly, I don’t get why Luna is into him or his eyes. She’s always going off on how pretty and penetrating they are. Yours are pretty too, but his are just mmmmm.
“I’m gonna kill him.”
“Can you not?”
“No.”
“Just… stop at hurting him.”
“I’ll consider that.”
“Please.”
“Eh.” He shrugs like he’s considering it.
“Pretty please.”
“Pretty please?”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck. That’s it. That’s the code word.” He holds a poker face for a moment. Then he cracks. Lets out a soft chuckle. “I gotta do it if you say pretty please.”
“You could not hurt him at all.”
“I don’t know… sounds like we agreed on me hurting him.” He raises a brow I gotta do it. “Look how miserable you are. And he’s the cause of that.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I… it’s the logical decision. No tethers, right? That’s what everyone says. And I… I just…” I blink back tears. “Why do I have to do all this? Leave? It’s too far from home. It’s too much on my own.”
“It’s a lot. I know.”
“Too much.” A tear rolls down my cheeks. “I can’t do this. I just can’t, Ollie. I can’t be that far away from you or Luna or Holden—”
“Daisy—”
“And it’s not just because I like him. Or love him. Or want him. Or whatever it is. It’s all too much. What if I relapse? I’ll be all alone, with no one to notice the signs. I’ll come home for Thanksgiving and be—”
“You won’t.”
“You don’t know that.” I shake my head. “I can talk to Dad in the morning. I can skip this semester. Start in the winter. Or transfer to UCLA.” I suck a breath through my teeth. It’s not enough oxygen. I need more. “I can’t do this all on my own, Ollie.”