“So you’ll be… waiting for me?”
Is that what she wants? I try to read her expression, but I can’t figure it out. “We’re friends.”
“We are.”
I suck in a shallow breath. “Do you want something else?”
Her eyes meet mine. “Oh. Well… it’s for the best. Like we talked about.”
“Right.” My stomach twists. “We’ll always be friends.”
“I hope so.”
“And I’ll always be there. I can’t promise I’ll be lucid. Or sober. Or smart. I might tell you to go get wasted and fuck the nearest hot guy—”
She shrinks back, wounded. “Yeah.”
“Can’t promise good advice. But I will try.” I run my hand through my hair. Fuck, this is not what I’m supposed to say. But I can’t say what’s in my head.
This is what’s best for her.
It’s probably best for me too.
I’ll see that eventually.
It just has to suck for a while.
I can’t stand in her way.
I can’t clip her wings.
“If you ever need an ear… I can do that.” I force a smile. “I, uh… I got you something.”
“The notebook?”
“Yeah. I left that on the table. This is… more personal.” I pull the jewelry box from my pocket. Offer it to her.
“Oh.” Her fingers brush mine as she takes it. “Can I—”
“Later.” I can’t watch her open it. I won’t be able to leave.
“Sure.”
I can’t take another moment of goodbye. I already miss you so fucking much. “I have an early morning, so—”
Her eyes turn down. “Of course.” She stands.
I do too.
She opens her arms.
I pull her into a close hug.
She melts into my chest. Just like she did that day in Mexico.
Like it’s where she belongs.
Like this is where both of us belong.
But it’s not. It just feels like that right now.
I release her.
She looks up at me with a soft smile. “You could come by tomorrow. If you want. We’re leaving at eleven.”
“That early?” I tease.
“Yeah, Oliver figured it was the best way to beat traffic. But I think he just wants to sleep in.”
“Probably.”
“We’re stopping in Monterey for the night. To see the aquarium. So, uh… we don’t get into Berkley until the day after tomorrow.”
“Say hi to the octopus for me.”
“Sure, yeah.” Her fingers brush my wrist. “You could come by… in the morning… if you want.”
I can’t. I can barely stand here. “I have an appointment.”
“I’ll be up early.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” My eyes meet hers. There’s so much in those gorgeous blue eyes. Pain, longing, determination.
This hurts her too.
But she’s sure.
As sure as she was when she set these terms.
She’s the one with her life in flux. I can’t tempt her with an offer of something steady. No matter how badly I want to.
“Well, just in case…” She wraps her arms around me again. “I’ll miss you, Holden. I really will.”
“I’ll miss you too, kid.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Holden
I don’t drive home. I go to my brother’s place.
He answers the door with a raised brow and a knowing smirk. “You finally gonna admit you’re miserable?”
“No, just looking for a good Moscow Mule. Know anyone who makes one?”
He pulls the door wider. Motions come in. “I might.”
I follow him into the apartment.
Skye’s on the couch in some gorgeous black dress. She’s sitting there like a curvy goddess—not that my body cares.
But she’s not alone.
Ariel is next to her.
And my sister is holding my niece.
“You left the house?” I ask.
Ariel shoots me a get real look. “You’re not ruining my first night talking to another adult in—”
“What about Chase?” I ask.
“What about me?” The brooding tattoo artist steps out of the bedroom with a raised brow. “You looking for some tips? Not inspiring enough women?”
Forest chuckles.
Skye laughs too. “You know that only encourages him.”
“Why are you in his bedroom?” Either there’s something weird and kinky going on or—
“Too much attention for Charlotte.” He crosses the room to his daughter. Pulls her out of Ariel’s arms.
Ariel squeezes her tiny hand. Kisses her tiny nose. “Sleep tight, baby.” She waves Charlotte’s tiny hand. “Say good night to your uncle.”
“You mind if I help?” I ask Chase.
He raises a brow. “You want to help? Period? End of sentence?”
“What’s wrong with that?” I ask.
Chase shoots Forest a look. Then Ariel. Skye.
“I can be sincere if I want,” I say.
“Can you?” Forest asks.
I flip my brother off.
He just laughs. “See. It only lasted a minute.”
“Come on, Mr. Sincere.” Chase nods follow me. Holds his daughter to his chest. “I’ll show you how to do it. Then I have some tips that might help you keep a woman around for—”
“Do I need to explain how many times I made—” Fuck, I can’t say it. It hurts too much. “What’s there to say? Growl like this, baby. Or you’ll come when I say so, baby. Then you hold her arm down until she’s screaming.”
“It won’t disturb you if I say ‘yeah,’ will it?” Chase asks.
“No, but it will disturb Forest,” I say.