“Things have changed,” I say through gritted teeth.
“I don’t see it that way,” Becky argues. “Austin asked me about why you didn’t drink at the beach party, and I explained what happened. I took up for you,” she growls through gritted teeth, looking back up at me. “Told her that they blamed you, but it was an accident.”
“Oh, please.” I laugh. “We both know the truth.”
“I lied to her for you.” She shoves me backward, but I don’t budge.
“You lied, but it wasn’t for me.” Does she think I’ve forgotten what happened that night?
She ignores my comment. “I continued to cover for you even though I had no clue what was going on. I saw you falling for her, so I wanted to help you out. I didn’t want her to see you as a murderer like everyone else in this town. The things people had said about you …” She trails off, unable to get the words out.
I stiffen. Austin already knew I was a murderer long before she knew I killed three of my friends. “Austin knows I wasn’t driving.”
“You told her?” she asks wide-eyed.
I shake my head. “She realized I was in the passenger seat. She thinks I’m covering for Eli.”
She swallows nervously. “Did you …?”
“I let her believe whatever she wanted.” My jaw tightens at those words, knowing I’m still keeping quite a few secrets from her. At some point, I’ll need to come clean, but that means telling the others as well.
She nods her head quickly and then runs her hand through her hair. “But I also told her the truth, Cole. It was an accident.”
I fist my hands. “God, quit fucking saying that.”
“It’s true.” She sighs heavily. “We both know none of us could have seen that happening.”
“We were reckless.” No one should have been in that car other than me.
I should have left their asses at that party and left on my own. Jeff must have followed me that night and set it up. We were out of control. Partying every night of the week and never thinking twice when we got in the car to leave. He knew I’d be out drinking that Saturday night, and he knew what the town would say about me once I was dead. But he didn’t count on me not driving. And surviving. I’ve just wondered why he never came back for me once he realized I didn’t die. Why didn’t Bruce try again?
“Bruce paid to kill you,” she snaps.
“Which is what makes it my fault!” I shout back.
She places her hands on my upper arms, but I pull away from her, and they fall to her sides. I’m confused about how we got here. This conversation. At what point did it take a turn? A very bad turn. We don’t discuss that night.
“The only ones who blamed you didn’t know the truth.”
I don’t have anything to say to that ’cause that was my plan all along. No one needed to know the truth. I’ve lived with secrets all my life, so what’s one more?
“You’re right.” Her eyes meet mine. “We both have secrets. And I’ll keep yours if you keep mine.”
I won’t point out that I hold two secrets of hers. If she told mine, then she would be telling on herself.
Her head falls, and she looks at Austin’s closet floor. “Deke would never forgive me if he knew the truth.”
The truth is Bruce paid to kill all of us in that car. Why would he hate her so much for that? He would be mad that she hid it, but never forgive her? I’d forgive Austin. I decide to change the subject. “He told Bennett and me that you guys are over.”
“When?” Her blue eyes go wide.
“Does it matter?” I ask. She lets out a long sigh. “If you wanna work it out, Becky, you need to tell him. It’s out. Bruce paid …”
“No!” She shakes her head and tears start to well in her eyes. “I love him, Cole.”
“Then why did you break up with him?” I’ve always known how Deke felt about Becky but how she feels about him …?
“Maybe he broke up with me,” she offers.
I laugh. “I know him.”
She looks around the closet as if searching for an answer. “Bruce won’t matter. He’ll blame me. I’m in too deep. Too many lies. And Austin …”
My jaw clenches. “I think she deserves to know.”
“No!”
“So you want to continue to lie to her too?”
“What is going on between me and my best friend is not a lie. I’ve never once fabricated a story to her, but Deke I have.”
“It’s still a secret,” I offer.
“It was a deal!” she snaps. “And she won’t forgive you.”
She would. I’m not saying it wouldn’t take time, but I’ve done far worse to her than lie. “You make it sound like we had a contract written in blood.” Which, in a way, I guess it was. Both of us had blood on our hands.