Alexa repeated the mantra every hour of every day she spent away from the man she loved while her baby grew in her belly. He’d made his choice and she needed to face reality.
“The count took me to dinner the other night.”
Distracted by good gossip, Alexa smiled and studied her friend. “And you didn’t tell me?”
Maggie shrugged. “We clashed. All he did was talk about you. He’s in love with you, Al.”
Alexa laughed. “Trust me. There’s no spark and there never will be.” She clucked her tongue with interest. “You fought, huh? You may have finally met your match.”
Maggie snorted. “That’s ridiculous.”
She pursed her lips in interest. “He may be the only man who can handle you, Maggs.”
“Pregnancy has warped your brain.”
For a moment, Alexa caught a glimpse of regret shimmering from Maggie’s eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but the poets lined up and took their seats. Moody music played through the speakers to set the tone. Lights were dim, darkness fell outside. A buzz of creative energy filled the room as the poets began to recite their thoughts and dreams into the mic. She clutched a notebook close to her chest as she watched on the sidelines, and allowed herself to sink back into the comforting fold of images. She closed her eyes and let her senses take over, sharpening, judging, as pictures flowed through her mind like oils seep and blend onto a canvas.
There was a brief pause as the poets changed.
Then she heard the voice.
At first, her mind was open to the deep, gravelly tone of the man who read into the mic. As her heart made the connection, a breathless, nameless fear filled her. Her breath hitched. Slowly, she forced herself to look at the poet standing on the stage.
Her husband.
At first, she thought her vision played tricks on her. The Nick Ryan she knew did not exist on the stage. Instead, a stranger stood before her.
He was dressed entirely in Mets gear. A blue and orange cap was set backward on his head where stray blond locks escaped. He wore a Mets jersey, jeans, and sneakers. He held an orange chain in his hand, and she saw Old Yeller sitting beside him with a quiet dignity that bespoke of purebreds and not mutts. The dog wore a Mets bandanna around his neck. One ear crooked at a broken angle. His tail did not wag. Yet his eyes did not hold the haunted look she usually associated with her broken canine. Propped up in front of his two front paws, a cardboard sign displayed the words: COME HOME.
She blinked once, twice, then realized the scene before her was real.
Nick held a piece of ragged notebook paper between his fingers. He cleared his throat. She held her breath as his voice spilled into the mic and reached her ears.
“I’m not a poet. But my wife is. She taught me to look for the extraordinary in the simplicity. She taught me about emotion, and truth, and second chances. You see, I never realized a person can keep giving everything with no thought to take. Alexa, you changed my life, but I was too afraid to reach for it. I believed I wasn’t good enough. Now I realize the truth.”
Alexa closed her eyes in desperation as tears leaked from her lids. Maggie’s hand gripped hers. Her husband wanted her back. Yet, to choose that road was like the famous poem, an unknown factor. She understood his darkness better, knew if she turned her back on him she’d be safe. She’d make it on her own. The darkness beckoned her like an old friend. In that moment, she had her own choice. And God help her, she didn’t know if she had the strength to try again.
She opened her eyes.
Low murmurings and comments drifted to her ears. She stared at the man she loved and waited for him to speak.
“I love you, Alexa. I want you and I want our baby. I want this ridiculous hound dog because I’ve grown to love him, too. I also figured out what I don’t want. I don’t want to live my life without you. I don’t want to be alone anymore. And I don’t want to believe I deserve not to have you. And I swear to God, I’ll spend the rest of my life making this up to you.”
Her lower lip trembled.
Maggie’s hand tightened on hers. “Do you still love him?”
She choked on her response. “I’m afraid I can’t do it anymore.”
Maggie’s eyes burned with a fierceness that shot sparks. “Yes, you can. You can do it again, and again, and again. If you love him enough.”
Her husband stepped down from the mic and made his way toward her. The carefully built wall rocked on its foundation. “It was always you. You made me whole again.”
And then, he knelt before her and placed his hands against her belly.
“My baby,” he whispered. “I was afraid I had nothing to give. But I do. And I want to give it all to you.”
The wall trembled with a shattering force and crashed around her.
Alexa made her choice.
She pulled him up and stepped into his arms. He held her close, his mouth to her ear, his hands around her back, as he whispered his promise to never hurt her again. A round of applause broke the silence, with loud hoots and high fives.
Maggie grinned. “About time you came to your senses, big brother.”
Nicholas grabbed his sister and brought her into the embrace. His face reflected a lightness and peace Alexa had glimpsed before, but never seen burn bright.
“I hope you know I intend to be godmother of this baby.”
Alexa laughed. “God help us all if it’s a girl. She’ll be dressed in baby leather and brought to underwear shoots.”
“And if it’s a boy, I’ll teach him the proper way to make a woman happy.”
Nick placed a kiss on his wife’s lips. “Oh, you’ll get both, Maggs. I think I’ll take my wife home and start practicing on a second.”
Alexa’s eyes widened. “A second? First I have to get past the morning sickness and weight gain and labor.”
“Piece of cake. I’ll be there through the whole thing.”
“Only if you wear that Mets jersey.”
Nick smiled. “Actually, I’ve thought about your arguments on the subject. Maybe you’re right. Maybe the Mets deserve another fan in their arena.”
She lifted her eyes up to the sky.
“Thank you, Earth Mother,” she whispered.
Alexa made a mental note to give the book of spells to Maggie. Something told her Maggie’s life was about to change. And she’d need all the help she could get.