Claire looked confused. “And you stopped after that one application?”
“It wasn’t my choice. I was stopped in my tracks.” He had tried other ways to get into the culinary industry but had been rejected everywhere he had turned. He had never faced so much failure all at once. It had been debilitating. “The school, head chefs, restaurant owners—they all made it clear to me that it wasn’t going to happen.”
She tossed her hands in the air. “Unbelievable!”
“Why are you angry? This happened years ago. I moved on.”
“I’m angry at you,” she announced.
“Me?” Shock rippled through him. Jason turned and stared at her, his mouth sagging open. “Why?”
She pointed her finger at him. “You had the skills and the money to work toward your goals. You even had the support. Instead of going for it, you wasted your opportunities!”
Wasted? He looked away before he lost his temper. “I told you—”
“You don’t quit when you hear a no,” she interrupted fiercely. “You chip away at it. You fight for your dream until you get a yes. You celebrate and then you do whatever it takes to make it to the next goalpost.”
“That’s not how it works,” he said wearily. “And it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It doesn’t matter?” She said the words slowly as if she knew he wasn’t telling the truth. “Do you still think about being a chef?”
He shrugged. “Sometimes. And then I remember that it was never going to happen.”
She scoffed at his statement. “Because one school and a few jerks rejected you?”
He parked the car in front of her apartment and almost sagged with relief. He couldn’t remember feeling this trapped. Only Claire would force him to examine his choices. Only Claire would make him want to bolt and keep running.
“You don’t understand, Claire.” He turned off the ignition and faced her. “One of these days you are going to be told that you don’t have what it takes to achieve your dream. You’re not going to believe it at first, but it will sink in when it’s drilled into you repeatedly by people you respect.”
Claire didn’t say anything but he recognized sympathy in her eyes. He didn’t want to be pitied. He wanted Claire’s respect and admiration. But now he had ruined that chance. He shouldn’t have said anything.
“I don’t wish it on you. I don’t wish it on anyone,” he said. “But once that happens to you, you can come back to me and tell me where I went wrong.”
* * *
CLAIRE UNBUCKLED HER seat belt with fumbling fingers. She wanted to say something but it would reveal too much. She never discussed her limitations. She had to get out of the car before she said something.
She opened the door and swung one foot out and paused. “I know what it’s like,” she said without looking at him. “I’ve been told many times that I wasn’t good enough.”
“I’m sure you proved them wrong,” he said as he unbuckled his seat belt.
“No, I didn’t. If anything, I reinforced their beliefs.” She said it in a whisper as if she was confessing a great sin. And, in a way, it was. Why was she saying anything? She never discussed this, even with someone who’d encountered the same struggles.
Years ago an acquaintance had casually mentioned having dyscalculia. Claire had been surprised to meet someone else who shared the same learning disability in math that she had, but she had kept quiet. She hadn’t discussed the woman’s journey or asked her about her coping strategies.
So why did she feel the need to share anything with Jason? She watched him get out and walk around the car. He’d had disappointments but almost everything came easy for him. She faced every day as if she was swimming against the current with all of her limitations weighing her down. Maybe she wanted him to understand how hard this was for her.
“And when I started my business,” she said as she got out of her seat and closed the door, “everyone said that I would fail. I’ve been doing it for three years and people are still telling me that I’m going to fail.”
People like her parents, who didn’t believe she was smart enough to make something of herself. People like Max Blair, who’d predicted she wasn’t innovative enough to keep her business thriving. Their comments jabbed at her insecurities. She wanted to prove them wrong but she feared they could be right.
“How can anyone say that to you? You are the hardest worker I’ve ever met.”