Tina didn’t know how long she had been in that position when she heard a hard, authoritative knock on the bathroom door. Her throat was raw and her body ached. Her eyes felt red and swollen. She already felt broken and her journey had barely started.
“Tina?”
She jerked when she heard Dev’s voice. She swung her attention to the door as the handle jiggled. He could not come in here. Not when she was vulnerable and needy.
“I’m fine,” she lied, her voice wobbling. She forced herself on her feet and glanced at the mirror. She looked horrible. Her skin was tearstained and blotchy. She quickly turned on the faucet and sluiced cold water on her face.
“What’s wrong?”
Tina hesitated. A part of her wanted to tell Dev. She was tempted to lean on him and share her deepest fears. But was that wise? Would he take control of her life again?
She had to keep this a secret, Tina decided as she grabbed a towel and patted her face dry. For now. Until she was properly seen by a doctor and understood everything she was facing.
Something heavy slammed against the door and the solid wood shuddered under the weight. Tina whirled around when she heard Dev’s urgent tone from the other side. “Tina, open this door right now.”
She looked around the bathroom and found the pregnancy test stick was still on the counter. Her fingers fumbled as she snatched it and threw it in the waste bin. It was blinding pink. She grabbed a few tissues and wadded them as the wall rattled behind her. Tina tossed the bunch of tissues in the waste bin and hurried to unlock the door.
She swung the door open and her gaze clashed with Dev. His dark eyes were wild, his skin stretched taut against his harsh features. He towered over her, the worry and relief pulsating in the air. She noticed he held his shoulder as if it ached.
“Dev—” She faltered into shocked silence as he lowered her arm that blocked his entrance and peered into her bathroom.
“Why didn’t you open the door when I asked?” His words were clipped with anger as he grabbed her hands. She instinctively tried to pull away but he was too strong. Dev turned her palms over and checked her wrists.
The old scars on her skin suddenly felt hot and red. “I told you I don’t cut anymore,” she mumbled. She wished he couldn’t see those signs of her weakness.
He glanced up but didn’t let go of her hands. “Why were you crying?”
She bit her lip and looked away. “Dev, it’s perfectly natural to cry. It’s a release from stress and—”
“Not the way you were crying,” he said gruffly. “It was as if your whole world was ripped apart.”
She swallowed hard. “I’m not going down the rabbit hole again. I promise.”
“I think we should stay home.”
“Stay home? No, that’s not necessary.” She blinked as she suddenly remembered they were supposed to go to a wedding today. The daughter of a business associate was getting married in a huge three-day event. All of Bollywood was attending. Tina wasn’t ready to face the pomp and pageantry, but it was better than staying at home and avoiding Dev’s probing questions.
She felt Dev watching her intently and the silence was almost unbearable. Tina struggled to meet his gaze. She was taken aback when she saw the pain in his eyes. It was just like when he had told her that he had gone through hell with her. She didn’t want him to go through it again. This was her battle.
He didn’t need to suffer with her. Because of her.
* * *
The mehndi celebration was bigger and bolder than Dev had expected. The prewedding ceremony was traditionally to prepare the bride for the wedding. Now it was a huge party that was almost as extravagant as the walima.
The ballroom was decorated to give the impression that they were in an ornate tent. Gauzy white curtains and tiny strings of light were draped from the ceiling. The heavy scent of flowers couldn’t mask the aroma of the rich, spicy food. He glanced at the circular platform in the middle of the room. The future bride sat next to her groom as they watched a dancing troupe perform.
He noticed that despite the luxurious surroundings, the bride followed tradition and didn’t wear makeup or jewelry. Her hands and feet were decorated with intricate henna designs and she wore a simple mustard-yellow gown with a dark green veil over her hair.
The guests were a mix of Bollywood stars and members of the Hindi film industry. They were more interested in the other guests than the proceedings. This was exactly what Tina hated about the wedding extravaganzas of his contemporaries.
Dev looked around the crowd, searching for his wife. He wished she had stayed at his side. He liked linking his hand with hers, but she kept finding an excuse to part.