I’ve even considered telling her that just to test out the truth of her statement, but frankly the idea of testing someone who likes me reminds me way too much of Mateo, so I can’t bring myself to do that either.
Basically, I’m stuck.
The fact remains, though, if Mateo does find me, being close to Carly puts her in danger. When they do find me, since I’m not on the run, they probably won’t act immediately. They’ll stay a couple of days to get a feel for my routine first, make sure there are no loose ends they don’t know about. Carly constantly being around is going to make her look like my girlfriend. I haven’t made friends here—didn’t see the point this time—so Carly is the only loose end, the only person who might have something to say if I went missing. If they think she is my girlfriend, they won’t know what I’ve told her. I assumed Mateo put cameras at the first apartment he moved me into, but he doesn’t have any way of monitoring me here. If they think there’s even a remote chance I’ve told Carly about my family, and Carly might talk if I turn up dead or missing, they’ll kill her too, just to keep things simple.
While I’m over here convincing myself to push her away for her own good, Carly’s brain apparently took a different path. “Do you ever think about going back to Chicago?” she asks me.
I glance her way. “I’m exiled, remember?”
“I know.” Her tone is calm, her gaze steady. “But you went back before, right? Do you ever think about going back again?”
The nice thing to say would be no. So I say, “Yes.”
She swallows. The light in her eyes dims. I feel immensely guilty, but I remain silent. “For Mia?”
“Not just for Mia. For him. I’d love nothing more than to kill him for all he’s done. He hurts everybody who loves him. He gives no love back—he’s not capable of it. He’s a fucking monster. But he’s a hell of an actor so he’s able to hide it, to make people forget. Mia’s a nice fucking person, she’s loving and forgiving and… she just got taken in by him. She believed his lies and it completely warped her mind. He’s literally brainwashed her,” I state, looking at Carly to see if she thinks I’m crazy.
Surprisingly understanding, she nods. “That must have been hard to watch.”
“It was. It was fucking terrible. She’s just easily led and she got swept up by this evil fucking person. It’s like she needs to be saved, you know?”
Carly nods, processing my words. “Here’s my question. And please don’t take this as me not being on your side here, because I am. I don’t even know these people or care to, I’m just trying to look at this my way. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe in fate. I believe that every experience we have, good or bad, can serve a purpose in our life. So, my question is, regardless of how evil he is, regardless of whatever lingering feelings you have for this girl, or the circumstances of their union… does she want to be saved?”
“Well, no. But that’s because he controls her mind.”
She nods, not agreeing, just accepting my claim. Which, I realize, without knowing Mateo, sounds fucking crazy. “So, what I am hearing is that you feel responsible for Mia. You feel like you need to save her from this man—I’m assuming you’re how she met him?”
I feel heavier just thinking about it. I nod. “I led him right to her doorstep. Literally.”
“Okay. Stay with me here, because you may not like what I’m about to suggest. And I may not be right,” she offers, shrugging and absently adjusting the strap of her bra-shirt-thing. “But what if you just considered things through a different mental framework? Maybe instead of feeling responsible for bringing her into some tragic situation, you should consider a different possibility. Personally, I think people come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes people are only meant to be in our lives for a brief time, they’re only there to either transport us from one place to the next, or for us to do that for them. Some relationships, no matter how real they felt at one time, are only meant to be vehicles.”
“Vehicles,” I repeat, raising my eyebrows.
She gives me a cute smile. “Like I said, stay with me while I try to explain. What if the whole reason you met Mia was to bring her to Mateo?” She pauses, watching me like I might explode. Then, when I don’t, she continues. “And what if you were never supposed to keep Mia? Maybe you held on past the point of your relationship’s natural expiration and it turned toxic. Not that it’s your fault,” she adds, quickly. “Your feelings were totally valid and real. But what if Mia was just a vehicle for you? Maybe it was her job to get you away from an environment that sounds like it was toxic for you. What if the only reason you and Mia were ever in each other’s lives was so everything that has happened could happen?”