“Like a wedding, children, vacations,” he replied.
“I have children,” I said. “Three of them here. Another hundred or so at work.”
“Wait, what?” he asked. “You don’t want kids?”
“Do we need kids?”
He pushed me up and turned to look at me. “You don’t want children? Before, we used to talk about having at least three.”
“I’m not sure we would have the time,” I said.
“I’ll hire a nanny,” he blurted out. “Five nannies.”
“Not that kind of time. I’m not exactly a spring chicken.”
“You’re not exactly middle-aged either,” he said. “You really don’t want kids?”
I patted his cheek. “Of course, I want kids. I want your babies. I think you are going to be an amazing father.”
His face fell. I knew exactly what I had said. “I’m sorry,” I said.
“It’s fine,” he said with a half-smile. “I’m fine. Let’s talk more about babies.”
“Do you really want kids?” I asked somewhat surprised.
“I do,” he said. “Always have. I think I’ve been waiting for you to come back into my life. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew you would come back.”
“We’ll have to get started on that pretty soon,” I teased.
“We’ll probably need to practice,” he joked. “I want to make sure I’ve got it down. I don’t want to mess this up.”
“Oh, I think you’re pretty talented in that department.”
I leaned back against him and went back to fantasizing about the new shelter. I was already thinking about what it would be like to have a structure that wasn’t falling in on me. I was certain people would be far more willing to visit something new and clean. It would be far more inviting. While I was daydreaming, I noticed he’d gone quiet. He’d been slowly growing more withdrawn the last few days.
I turned off the tablet and put it on the coffee table. “What did Clark have to say?” I asked.
“Not much,” he said. “Unfortunately, my father really did vanish. He’s been chasing down leads, but he’s just not getting anywhere. Every once in a while, it hits me that he’s gone. Part of me keeps thinking he’s just on vacation and will come back. Then I remember he’s gone.”
“You don’t know he’s gone,” I said. “He is still out there somewhere.”
“Sure, he is, but is he alive?”
“You can’t give up hope,” I said. “I know it feels like forever, but it hasn’t been all that long. There is still a chance he just needed to get away. He needed some time alone or something.”
“I thought that at first, but every person leaves a trail,” he said. “He’s not a spy. He doesn’t know how to hide his tracks. I’ve gotten into his credit cards and bank accounts. He hasn’t spent a penny. There weren’t any large withdrawals before he disappeared. I think you know my dad. He’s not frugal. He would have to eat. He would be buying drinks at the very least. He’s gone. I think I have to start bracing myself for the fact he might be gone for good. I’m not sure I’ll ever see him again.”
I wanted to tell him to stay positive, but that almost felt cruel. Hope was a double-edged sword. “I don’t want to sound like a Pollyanna, but I think you should try and believe he’s coming back. I know it probably sounds impossible, but nothing is impossible. Your dad is a smart, savvy man.”
“If he’s kidnapped, why haven’t we gotten a ransom note?” he asked. “What’s the point of kidnapping someone if you don’t demand money?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “Maybe they want a property.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You know, that’s not a bad idea. I’m going to have Clark check to see if there have been any property transfers. Any other ideas?”
It felt good to be able to offer some input. “I wish. I’ll keep thinking.”
“I love you,” he said.