GABRIELLA
It was chillier than usual that Wednesday. I sat on the park bench, bundled up in my cardigan, and watched Luna play on the playground with her best friend, Penny. Penny’s mother, Ainsley’s close friend Veronica, was out of town for two nights for a romantic anniversary getaway with her husband, and Ainsley had offered to look after her daughter.
Luna was thrilled, of course. The girls had been inseparable ever since Ainsley moved out here for the one-month contract working with my brother. Once they decided to make the move from Boston to San Francisco permanent, the girls’ friendship became even more precious.
Ainsley sat down beside me and pulled two bottles of iced coffee out of her large bag. She handed me one before unscrewing the cap on hers and taking a sip. “How are your hands?”
I held up my hands, which were still bandaged. I’d gone in for a check-up earlier this morning and confirmed that everything was healing nicely. “The bandages will come off in a few days. The skin should be good as new.”
“Thank goodness,” Ainsley breathed. “I still can’t believe what happened. And how quickly you reacted.” She shook her head in disbelief. “You could have been killed, Gabi. Your brother was beside himself over this whole thing.”
“I’m okay.”
“Are you?” She searched my eyes. “You haven’t been the same since the accident, and something tells me it isn’t just about the burns. Do you need to talk about something?”
A lump formed in my throat. I’d been trying to act cool since the accident, and I believed I was doing a good job convincing everyone that I was just fine.
Apparently not.
After I was discharged from the hospital, Beck had come to pick me up. It had been late, and he’d been worried, and he refused to drive me back to my house to let me spend the night alone. We’d gone back to his place, where Ainsley had made up the guest room for me.
Their kindness had made me sob, and when they fussed over me with concern, I assured them the emotions were just fallout from the stress. They might have believed it at first, but when I was withdrawn the next day, they started asking more questions.
I just couldn’t talk about Jake yet. It was too fresh.
But now, after having a few days to cool off, it might be time to open up.
“I feel like a broken record,” I said after I’d filled her in on Jake’s reaction in his office. “I keep having the same problems with the same person. I know the solution is to leave him, but God help me, Ainsley, I’m in love with him.”
She put her hand on my knee. “Why didn’t you share any of this with your brother?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t want him to track down Jake after he brought me home from the hospital and punch his lights out.”
“Fair enough,” Ainsley said. “He might have done that.”
I sighed. “I’m so tired. And so conflicted. If the shoe was on the other foot and Jake had been the one to witness the crash, I know he would have responded exactly how I did. He’d have forgotten entirely about dropping off the paperwork, and even if he hadn’t forgotten, he would have acted to help people rather than prioritize a business deal. He just… he reacted before I had a chance to explain. He didn’t bother searching for answers. He jumped to conclusions.”
“That’s not healthy, Gabi.”
“I know,” I said a little sharply. I flinched at my own tone. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not healthy. But he’s been in survival mode his entire life. I understand him so much better than I used to. He’s always anticipating betrayal. He’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop. So, when I let him down, he lashed out. It’s exhausting to deal with, but at the same time, I feel so deeply for him, and I know him to the depths of his soul. If he knew what had happened, he never would have been angry. He’d have rushed me to the hospital. He’d have taken care of me.”
“How long can you wait for him to change?”
“I…” I trailed off and shook my head. “I don’t know. But I want to spare him from feeling the way he does. I want to show him that not everyone is out to get him. All this stress will put him in an early grave. He’s a good man, Ainsley. It might not seem like it sometimes, but he is.”
Ainsley gazed out at the girls on the playground.
Luna was up on the highest platform, standing above the giant blue slide that rushed down to the ground in a zig-zagging pattern. Penny, who had just gone down the slide, was making her way back up to the top. Other kids played all around them, but the girls only had eyes for each other.
“Are you going to try to talk to him?” Ainsley asked.
I sipped my iced coffee. “I don’t know.”
“Or do you think it’s time to walk away?”
“I don’t know,” I said again, but her words left an ache in the pit of my stomach that threatened to swallow me whole. “I don’t want to lose him.”
“But what if you lose yourself to him? You can’t fix people, Gabi. And you can’t save them if they don’t want to be saved. At some time or another, you might have to accept that Jake is and will always be the way he is. You don’t have to hitch your wagon to his out of obligation or concern. I know you want better for him, but maybe what is really best is stepping away from each other and letting him heal himself. Focus on you. Build your own dream life without him taking up all your breathing room.”