“On th-the inside, I feel as if th-there’s acid flowing th-through my veins ins-stead of blood. It itches. It burns. It hur-rts.” My head hits the headrest, and I close my eyes.
Vienna’s face floats before me—the wide grin on her face the day I first ordered her coffee.
Lukas grabs my shoulder, and I turn my head to look at him. Concern takes over his face as his eyebrows draw together.
“What d-did Zander mean when he s-said you wouldn’t have any problem with th-this?”
He opens the door and walks out, strengthening my suspicion that had been brewing over all these years that Zander knows something about Luke that no one else does.
“What d-did he mean, Lukas?” I walk closer to him.
“How the fuck would I know? Your brother has a habit of hitting the ceiling when things don’t go as he expects.” The bitterness in his voice doesn’t surprise me really. Zander and Lukas always had a strenuous relationship.
“You know th-that’s not true. Zander w-worries too much. He just w-wants to protect. Me. V-Vienna. You.”
Lukas turns to face me. “You’re a good person, Zane. Maybe the best person I’ve ever known.” His hands press down on my shoulders. He searches my face, and I’m sure it isn’t difficult to read.
Somehow, I could never learn the art of hiding emotions.
“You love her?”
I duck my head, and Lukas’ hands drop.
“I’ll g-go home. I need t-to check up on Mys-stery and Tasse—”
Would Tassels still be at home? Or did Vienna already pick him up?
Do I still have a chance to wish my wife a proper goodbye?
34
ZANE
My pulse speeds up when I reach the cabin and find Mystery and Tassels lying on the porch recliner.
Hope builds inside me, and for a fleeting second, the black cloud fades. I pull open the main door, hoping to find Vienna in the kitchen arranging our dinner and decorating it in one of her styles. But anxiety crawls back into my chest when I find the kitchen in the same state as we left it this morning.
The two Mr. and Mrs. coffee mugs that Vienna found in a flea market are still sitting on the counter, as we left in a rush.
My feet shake as I make my way to my bedroom, hoping to find her bundled in her purple comforter. But she’s nowhere.
I’m about to check the backyard, when my cell phone vibrates.
Wife: Can you please keep Tassels with you for one night? I’m staying at Ivy’s, but I’ll pick him up tomorrow morning. You don’t have to wait for me. I’ll use the key hidden in the porch.
She isn’t here.
My feet halt as I clomp toward the porch. When I flop down onto the couch, Mystery and Tassels curl up beside me.
“Sh-she isn’t here t-tonight, so you w-want me,” I say out loud, and a pained chuckle escapes me.
I look out to the tiny lights in the mountains of homes located far away, of cars traveling on the winding roads. Vienna and I’ve spent so much time on his porch. Sometimes we talked about nonsense, and sometimes we shared our fears and our truths.
I thought all of that meant something to her.
I didn’t know she was just filling the time.
She was never mine.