I cry for the life that was just a lie.
A dark thought enters my mind, and I pray.
I pray and I beg for it to leave me. But it stays.
My hand goes inside my Christmas pullover and rests over my aching heart, which is praying furiously. I shake my head at my stupidity, but my heart begs to the universe.
Please let my reports be bad tomorrow.
This is the only way I can keep my Zane.
* * *
Zane and I reach the hospital half an hour earlier than our appointment. The silence in the house was too much to bear, and I’m sure Zane felt it too.
When it’s our turn, a nurse guides us into Dr. Allen’s room.
“Mr. and Mrs. Teager, I have good news.” Dr. Allen hands me an envelope. “Your last MRI is clean, Mrs. Teager. The surgery was successful. I’m really happy that everything worked well with your trip to Europe.” His lips twitch when he says, “I don’t believe in coincidences, but then I see cases like yours. You went on a honeymoon and were able to find an expert surgeon like Dr. Bernd.”
His chuckle does not reach my heart. As stupid as it sounds, I haven’t forgotten about my prayer from last night. In some hidden corner of my heart, I was wishing my report wouldn’t come back clean.
“I know it’s a lot to take in.” Dr. Allen misunderstands my hesitation. “But you and your husband can now enjoy life as usual. Of course, we would like to see you every now and then to make sure everything is working smoothly, but for the most part, you can forget the past few months of your life.”
He doesn’t know that I could never forget these last few months.
“You can also collect your latest reports from the nurses’ station. They should have already prepared everything for you.”
Zane’s phone vibrates once more. It’s been going off since we entered the hospital, and like every other time, he ends the call with whoever’s on the other side.
“You can take it,” I tell him, motioning toward his phone as we step into the hospital lobby. “I’ll collect the reports and meet you outside.”
Zane peers at me, giving me the same look he’s been giving me since I met him in the kitchen this morning. I think he’s about to say no, when the phone buzzes once more and he looks down, shaking his head. “I’ll be r-right back.”
Yes, but only to leave me again.
I clomp toward the nurses’ station. This isn’t how I should be feeling right now. I should be ecstatic, thrilled with joy, but instead I feel like my worst nightmare is yet to come.
“Mrs. Teager.” Mary meets me on the way as she strolls out from the OB-GYN department. “How are you doing now?”
“I’m well. Dr. Allen told me everything was good with my tests.” I smile as the nurse almost hugs me and then sobers fast and pats my hand.
“I’m here to collect my reports.” I squeeze her hand before taking a step toward the counter and giving my name to a male nurse.
“We have everything ready, Mrs. Teager.” He slides a huge envelope toward me when I hear a familiar baritone voice.
“Thanks, Mary. We’ll see you in a few weeks,” Zander says and my body freezes completely. I close my eyes, hands by my sides, hoping, praying. Not like this. God, please no. Not like this.
But as if God is carrying a personal vendetta toward me, Mary says to Zander behind me, “Of course, Mr. Teager. Oh, I would like you to meet another Mrs. Teager.”
I slowly turn around, trying to put a smile on my face and explain to the excited nurse. “Zander is Zane’s older brother.”
“Oh. That’s so wonderful. I can see the facial similarities now.” Mary clutches her hand close to her chest.
“Hi, Zander. Hi, Rose.” I give them both a tiny wave.
“Vi, what are you doing here alone?” Zander arches a brow, as always, his hand is firmly settled on Rose’s shoulder.
“Zane just went out to take a call,” I reply quickly. “We came here for some follow-up tests.