My insides turn icy cold at his remark. “What are you saying, Zane? Your brothers love you,” I whisper in shock.
Never in a million years did I think there’d be a place for any other emotion but love between the Teagers. I didn’t know that guilt had found a way into the thin crevices.
“Th-they do, and I give nothing good in r-return.”
I turn around to face him, but before I can say anything more, he places a finger on my lips.
“You as-sked about my childhood, and I blurted th-the biggest s-secret of my life. I fear wh-what else you’ll ask and what else I’ll t-tell you.”
29
ZANE
It’s the day of Vienna’s neuroendoscopy. She’s been taken to the operating room while I wait. Whenever the door opens, my gaze flies to the waiting room door, hoping it’s one of the nurses, with some information about my wife. But no one comes to get me.
Time drags and hours fly. By now, I’ve tried every sitting place in this waiting room. My reputed patience shreds by every passing second, and I’m about to go mad when, thankfully, Dr. Bernd walks into the room in his scrubs.
“Everything went perfectly well, Mr. Teager.” He lightly pats my back and explains the procedure that was followed.
My mouth remains shut as I wait for him to tell me what didn’t go right.
Good things have never visited me alone. There’s always a constant shadow of pain and guilt that has loomed above my happiness. But nothing of that sort comes out from Dr. Bernd’s mouth.
“You sit tight for a little longer, and one of the nurses will take you to your wife once she’s in the recovery room.” With another pat on my back, Dr. Bernd leaves me alone in the waiting room.
Times passes and my stomach remains tied in knots as I wait for… I don’t know what.
“Mr. Teager, we have moved your wife to the recovery room. You can see her now,” a young nurse with a stark red lipstick says in an accented voice. “It’ll be a while before she fully wakes up.”
My heart fucking pounds as I take heavy steps, trailing behind the lady. No thought visits me as I put on the blue scrubs and cap.
A male nurse gives me a small smile before opening the curtain, and the ground beneath my feet shatters when I see her.
A huge bandage covers her head. My pulse skitters.
What if she doesn’t wake up?
What if we made a mistake agreeing for her surgery here?
My brain throws all the nerve-racking questions, tearing every bit of sanity from me.
My trembling fingers graze her forehead before I place a kiss on her cheek, right under the bandage.
“D-don’t leave me, Vi. I n-need you. I l-love you.” I whisper the words I wanted to say on our wedding at the altar, the words I should have said before making love to her. But now, they get lost in the air, as my wife lies unconscious.
Almost mechanically, I return to the waiting area and look out the window.
The darkness of the night has taken everything in its grips. After we moved into Beast’s home, Zander taught me to count in reverse whenever I was in pain or fear clouded my memory. I rarely think about our early childhood days, as they bring along extreme guilt and the reminder of my brothers’ pain. But tonight, I can’t help myself.
One hundred. Ninety-nine. Ninety-eight…
I lose count on how many times I go from one hundred to zero. Maybe ten. Maybe twenty.
“Mr. Teager.” The same nurse with the red lipstick calls my name as I’m just saying eighteen in my head. “Your wife is settled in a private room. You can sit with her now.”
She leads me to the room, and my incessant counting feels like a prayer as I step inside my wife’s room.
My legs shake when I see her before flopping down on the chair next to her.