Watching Ryder struggle with his overwhelming emotions in the face of the pack’s appreciation threatened to melt the cold ice protecting my arcana. I sucked in a breath and tried to steady myself. If I shoved my feelings aside, then I could pretend that there wasn’t a slow and steady warmth building in my stomach.
“You’ve earned it,” Dad said to Ryder.
Ryder shook his head. “I’m not… I never asked… Don’t bow to me.”
A murmur passed over the pack. I could hear the confusion in their mixed voices. They threw confused glances in Ryder’s direction.
This close to Ryder, I heard the soft choked sound in his throat. He sucked in a breath between clenched teeth and took a step back. Before he could break down in front of the pack, I grabbed his hand and excused him from the impromptu cookout. Back inside, I led Ryder up the stairs to my old bedroom. I shut the door behind us and put my back against it so that he would know that no one was going to interrupt us.
Ryder collapsed onto the edge of my old bed. He stared ahead blankly, his hands dangling between his knees.
When he lifted his gaze to meet mine, he said, “I’m not Alvin.”
Taken aback, I studied him for a heartbeat. “What does that mean? Okay, let me backtrack. I know for a fact that you’re nothing like Alvin, but also, what does that mean?”
He swallowed. His gaze remained on the floor. His face was colorless all the while. I wished I could reach into his mind and draw him out of wherever his thoughts had gone. Instead, I could do nothing more than wait.
“The people outside submitted to me like I was going to punish them. I know that’s what they expect from an Alpha, but I don’t want to be that person.”
“Oh. That’s not at all what happened.” I laughed, much to his irritation if his dirty look told me anything. “They were greeting you with respect. No one in the pack has greeted Alvin like that since my first shift. Alvin forced them on their knees. They chose to bow their heads to you. There’s a difference.”
Ryder didn’t seem convinced. He still stared into the nothing. It made me wonder if guilt and shame were chewing on his insides. That was a feeling I could relate to, but not one that I knew how to stop.
Out of nowhere, Ryder asked, “What if I fail them?”
My heart ached for him. I dropped to my knees between his legs and took his face in my hands again. “You won’t. We’re going to defeat Alvin.”
Ryder covered the back of my hand with his own. “And after that? What then? What if I can’t be the Alpha that they need? I’ve already failed one shifter family.”
“You didn’t fail your other family. You did what needed to be done, and there were painful consequences. I know firsthand that a lot of the right choices come with painful consequences. Trading myself for Janessa got me into a world of trouble, but it was worth it when she thanked me earlier.”
Neither of us could predict the future, but I was confident that Ryder would be a good Alpha. He’d already done more for this pack than Alvin had in his entire life.
“The pack doesn’t even know about why I had to leave my clan,” Ryder said, his voice cracking.
“They’ll understand. Of all the people in the world, this pack will understand. When this is all over, and they get to know you as well as I do, they’re going to love you. I promise. You may think their faith is misplaced right now, but they can tell a good person from a bad person. The pack knows that you’re a good person, Ryder.”
He pressed his lips into a thin, unconvinced line.
I was about two seconds away from shaking some sense into him. Frustrated, I pulled his head close and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. The warmth in my core flared hot and bright. I had to shove it back down so that it wouldn’t melt the ice in my chest.
With Ryder in my hands, I stood on a precarious precipice. I desperately wanted to heed my mother’s advice and give everything to Ryder. Two things stood in the way. Even if Alvin hadn’t cursed me with the binding ritual, then Bri would still have Ryder’s heart.
I mourned what I could not have. It fucking sucked. It really did, but there was nothing I could do to break them apart, even if I wanted to. Which, I didn’t. I wasn’t going to destroy what they had.
Ryder ducked his head and rested it on my shoulder. His back shuddered as he caught his breath. Warmth spilled from him and washed over me. I wanted nothing more than to sink into him, but I held myself upright.
I ran my hand along his back. “The pack will chill out once they get to know you. Right now, they’re being respectful. Enjoy it while you can. Before long, they’re going to be teasing you. They’re going to ask you when you and Bri are going to have little baby dragons. The pack will treat you like family soon.”
Ryder stiffened. He turned his head but didn’t lift it.
It seemed like he had something he wanted to say, but a shriek outside pulled us to our feet. Ryder helped me up and out the door without question. He practically flew down the stairs while I leapt down them, three at a time. I landed on the floor with a heavy thud that drew Ryder’s attention for a split second.
Once he saw that I was all right, he ran outside. There, we saw my father standing with his phone outstretched in his hand. Dad’s face was white as a sheet. He met Ryder’s gaze with worried eyes.
The phone crackled and a familiar voice greeted us.
“Hello traitors,” Alvin growled. “Now that I have you all in one place, it’s time that I announce my return. Did you really think that I would stay away forever?”