Take it off. Take him.
My hound whispered to me. She goaded me, telling me what to do and how to do it.
I broke away, gasping. Ryder shuddered, a look flashing across his face before he buried it in my shoulder. His hand on my thigh tightened. He trembled once again. I got the sense that he was fighting his dragon the same way I fought my hound.
We couldn’t do this.
I had no idea why we reacted to each other this way, but he already had a mate. A shifter couldn’t have two mates. My hound had latched onto him because he made me feel safe, not because he truly was my mate.
If Bri wasn’t his mate, he would have told me by now. He wouldn’t have dodged my question earlier. Whatever was happening between them, I couldn’t get in the middle of it.
“Ness,” Ryder moaned.
Electric excitement shot through my core at the sound of my own name on his lips. I arched into him again before I could stop myself. He growled and yanked me tight to his body. His cock still pressed between my legs. It throbbed in time with my own need, a feeling so exquisite I could have cried.
I was actually going to cry if I had to fight this any longer. If I didn’t get away from Ryder, I would make a mistake that would hurt my friend. Bri didn’t deserve this. She seemed like a good woman.
The ice…
I shoved Ryder back in a panic. Hands to my own chest, I searched for the icy barrier that had been protecting me.
It was still there, but not as strong as before. The ice had melted, and now there were cracks running through it. I scrambled off the couch and lurched out the door. When it slammed behind me, I lifted my face to the sky.
New clouds opened and rained soft droplets upon my face. The chill air and rivulets of water on my skin cooled the heat pulsing in my core. I couldn’t give in. There were so many reasons why I couldn’t have what I wanted.
My tears mixed with the rain. When Ryder stepped outside and joined me on the porch, he couldn’t see my tears. He pushed a beer into my hand and sat down beside my legs. We stayed like that, wordless, for a long while.
Finally, when we were soaked through, we shared a look.
Do we go back inside? We certainly weren’t going to pick up where we’d left off. There was a hurt on his face that he couldn’t quite hide. He did his best by not looking me in the eye. He kept his face turned away from me for the most part.
But Bri, I wanted to say.
I didn’t understand what they were to one another. I’d assumed they were mates with a hefty amount of baggage between them. Now, I wasn’t sure. I had no idea what to think.
Even if they weren’t mates, and I could have Ryder all to myself just the way I wanted…I still couldn’t risk letting him past the ice in my chest. That barrier death had left in my chest kept me safe. If Ryder’s affection melted it, then we would both be in trouble.
So, in the end, it didn’t matter what we were to one another. I couldn’t let him get close.
The thought made me want to scream. I cursed fate for everything it had done to me. If I could weave my arcana into my voice and tell fate to fuck off, I would have. Somehow, I doubted fate was listening. It’d never answered me before. Why start now?
“I’m going on a manhunt tomorrow,” Ryder said.
I nodded. “We’re going on a manhunt.”
Ryder looked like he wanted to argue with me, but he pursed his lips, looked away, and gave a nod. The rain had plastered his dark hair to his forehead. When he slicked his hair back, I got a good look at his eyes. His beast was still close to the surface.
“When is the last time you fully shifted?” I asked.
Ryder gave a shrug.
I rolled my eyes. “You should take a day to shift. Your beast needs to get out and stretch its legs. You can’t keep a beast that large cooped up forever.”
“There’s too much that needs to be done.” He stood and shook his head. “Don’t worry about me. Think about yourself.”
I recoiled from the last words. Guilt slapped me across the face. I opened my mouth to tell him that I wasn’t just thinking of myself, then I realized that’s not what he meant.
Ryder reached for me then hesitated. He settled for putting a hand on my shoulder. I wanted to pull him into me, but I swallowed the overwhelming urge and kept my hands to myself. He gave and nod and went back inside.
I didn’t deserve him.