I braced my hands against Ryder’s chest and shoved myself away. He didn’t try to hold me still. Ryder let me break the kiss, though I could see the hurt in his eyes as I did so. He reached for me again but curled his hand into a fist to stop himself.
I watched his eyes flash bright with electrical energy. A spark darted through me, like I was the lightning that he was calling. It drew me into him. I dragged in a ragged breath and held myself back.
If Ryder melted the ice inside me, then we would be screwed. I didn’t want Alvin to use me as a weapon against the man I loved. If the ritual’s arcana got past the ice protecting me, then I wanted Ryder to leave town.
Hell, I would ask the whole pack to run, if I could.
“You’re still mad that I didn’t find you sooner,” Ryder said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
My head lifted. “Huh? What?”
He gave me a tight, apologetic smile, his brows vaulted in the center. “If I’d caught up to you faster, Jackson wouldn’t have been able to push you off the roof. I’m sorry that I was too slow.”
“No! That’s not…I’m not mad at you.” I bit my lip and weighed what I would say next. “There’s a chance that I could have survived that. I’ve come back from the dead before. Wow, that sounds funny when I say it out loud.”
He huffed, a facsimile of a laugh. Even though his lips lifted ever so slightly, I could tell that it was just for show. If anything, my words might have made things worse. And I couldn’t do anything to fix the situation. I had to hold myself at a distance so that he wouldn’t melt the ice protecting me from the ritual arcana.
If I told him why I kept myself at a distance, I might let my guard down. I had to hold fast, even if it hurt, because Ryder couldn’t protect me from what was already inside me. He could save me from being kidnapped and thrown off a rooftop, but he couldn’t reach inside me and prevent the ritual arcana from seizing control of me.
I placed my hand against his chest. There, I could feel the steady beat of his heart. If he felt anything, I couldn’t tell. I hadn’t quite realized what I was doing—that I’d wanted to feel the frantic beat of his heart—until disappointment sank like a stone in the pit of my stomach.
Maybe he didn’t care as much as I thought. Ryder was just doing a job. What a weird way to go about a job. Had he held me in my sleep just so that he would know if I was possessed again? I’d started to think that maybe he might love me in return, but I could tell now that Ryder just wanted to make sure I lived.
“Saving me won’t bring your father back,” I mumbled before crawling out of bed.
I didn’t wait for Ryder to say anything before I left the room. I padded into the living room, filled with the pale light of the setting sun. My stomach grumbled unhappily, but I couldn’t stand the thought of eating just yet.
Behind me, I heard the thunder of approaching footsteps.
“Do you really think I’m here because I want to fulfil some kind of cosmic balance?” Ryder bellowed.
Fists balled at my sides, I spun around and faced him. He glared down at me. His beast lit his eyes with a churning storm. I could feel the same storm crackling within me. It filled the air with the scent of ozone and lifted my curls.
“This isn’t about my father,” Ryder growled low.
I covered his heart with my hand. “Then what is this about? Because I can tell that you don’t…”
His heart thundered now. It slammed against my hand.
He was angry with me. His heart hadn’t responded out of love or fear for me, but in anger. I snatched my hand back and tightened it into a fist once more. Biting my lip, I lifted my gaze to meet his.
“No.” With a growl, he snatched my hand back and slapped it over his heart.
I tried to pull back, but Ryder held me in place. When I narrowed my eyes at him and growled back, he didn’t budge. He stared me down while his heart thumped against my palm. With my hand against him, I could even feel the subtle tremble of his chest.
He let go of my wrist. I thought I would be able to escape, but he captured my face. His lips crashed into mine. I groaned and opened without thinking about the consequences. Hunger pinched my core tight. I gripped his shirt for dear life as a wave of emotions threatened to drown me.
I broke away and sucked down air. Ryder barely gave me a moment to breathe before he pushed me back onto the couch. I fell and bounced, but the weight of his body soon pinned me down. His hands travelled down my sides. One stayed on my hip while the other slid back up my body, leaving a trail of searing hot fire behind.
I arched into him. A needy whimper escaped my mouth. I wound my arms around the back of his neck so that he couldn’t escape.
Even though thoughts of Bri strayed through my mind, I quickly swatted them away. Greedily, I shoved my tongue into Ryder’s mouth. The sound of his groan drove my hound wild. She rolled over in delight.
Mate, she cried.Mate!
Ryder thrusted. I could feel the evidence of his need, rock hard against my groin. It pulled another needy whimper out of me. I dragged my claws along his back in an effort to get closer to him, even though there was already no space left between us.
Only clothing.