8
Ness
It feltlike months since I’d last spoken to Cerri, but in reality, it’d only been a day or two. I stood outside her door, my fist hovering in the air as I debated turning around. Cerri had ignored me the other day. Even at the pack meeting, she’d done everything in her power to avoid looking at me.
My friend probably didn’t want to see me on her doorstep.
This arcana trying to hijack my body was a growing problem, and Cerri was the only person I could trust to take care of it.
Fuck, I really hoped she had the power to handle this. If she didn’t, then I was royally screwed.
I moved my iced hazelnut mocha from one hand to the other and wiped the condensation on my jeans. I knew I was buying time, but I didn’t really care. Shifting my weight from one foot to the other, I slowly lifted my hand again.
This time, I didn’t have to force myself to knock. The door flew open. My curls shuddered in the sudden wind. Cerri, looking both excited and apprehensive, appeared in the doorway. She leaned in, as if to hug me, then suddenly rocked back.
Cerri cleared her throat, nervously. Her bruises had faded since the last time I’d seen her. The mottled violet had paled to a sickly yellow, so fast that I assumed she’d finally used a potion.
Though Cerri had been born into the pack, she had no animal of her own. She couldn’t shift at all. To make up for her perceived weakness, she’d dabbled in a number of crafts. She’d become a master potion crafter, mixing her arcana with brews that she could use in all sorts of situations.
I was proud of her for figuring herself out so quickly. Cerri had the kind of determination that I strived for. Maybe if I could borrow even an ounce of that iron will, then I would have my own arcana under control by now.
Instead, I fumbled around much like Addie and Vi. How Cerri could bear to deal with us, I would never know.
“I missed you,” I blurted out.
A soft smile reached her lips, but she didn’t say it back. “Do you need help with something?”
I hated to admit that was the reason I’d come. I could have told her that I just wanted to check in. If she found out that I was on her doorstep just because I wanted her to do something for me, then she might resent me even more.
“Oh, ah…” I trailed off because I couldn’t find a good reason for being here.
Cerri’s lips pursed as she nodded. She stepped back. I thought she would slam the door in my face. Instead, she stepped aside to let me through.
“It’s not like that,” I said.
There was no backpedaling from this. I needed Cerri’s help, but I also needed her to know that I hadn’t come just to use her. She was, first and foremost, my friend, and I was worried about her.
Cerri retreated to her potion table as soon as I was inside. I closed the door behind me and rocked on my heels, unsure if she wanted me to come any closer. Cerri kept her back to me, her head bent in submission.
Seeing her like this broke me. Alvin could inflict any kind of torment upon me, but the moment he laid a hand on someone else, I lost the resolve that allowed me to power through. If I couldn’t be the one to carry this weight, then what use was I?
I couldn’t say any of that out loud—to anyone. I knew everyone would try to argue with me. They would tell me that I didn’t need to have a use and that I was putting too much pressure on myself. They were wrong, though.
I needed to do something. We were living in a time of war, and if I couldn’t help, then I was a liability.
“Ness,” Cerri snapped.
My head lifted, and my vision cleared, so I could see Cerri facing me with her hands on her hips. She gave me an unimpressed glare that made an electrical shock run through my body. I sucked in a breath and straightened my spine.
A regal aura surrounded Cerri. For a moment, she reminded me of Beryl. There was something fey and otherworldly about my best friend that I’d never noticed before. Her eyes glimmered—not with stars but with flickering color like a field of wildflowers dancing in the wind.
“Stop being self-deprecating,” she commanded like a queen.
“I wasn’t…I didn’t…Shut up. You can’t read my mind.” I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted at her.
A small smile lifted the corner of her lips. “I can’t read minds, but I can read your face like an open book. You’re always blaming yourself for things outside of your control. You can’t control everything that happens. Sometimes, things are completely out of your hands.”
I growled, my hound joining in.