3
Ness
The room wasdark and cold. I remembered being safe when I fell asleep, but adrenaline coursed through my body. It made my skin crawl.
No, that wasn’t the adrenaline. That was the arcana. And it wasn’t under my skin anymore. It held me tight in a vice-like grip. I struggled, a whimper leaving my lips. That was when I realized that I wasn’t in a room. This wasn’t even real.
The arcana had pulled my consciousness into a far corner of my mind and trapped me there. I struggled, scraping at the thick layer of magic holding me down. It shoved back. I thought I would shatter under the force of it, but I refused to let it destroy me.
I heard the soft rumbling thunder of my hound’s footfalls as she ran for me. Even through the ritual’s arcana, I could sense my hound. She leapt into the thick wall of magic. I thought it would trap her the way it trapped me.
Instead, my hound slid through it like water. She crashed into me. I gasped for air as we became one again.
My eyes snapped open. Light seared my vision and made me cringe. The smell of blood reached my nose first. Then I felt the wetness in my hands. My heart clenched. Regret tasted like bile in the back of my throat.
“What did I do?” My voice cracked.
Ryder sighed. He slumped against me. His hand on the back of my head loosened, nearly falling away completely.
I opened my eyes and peered up at him. His face was pale, his eyes turned toward the ceiling like he was thanking a higher power. When he looked down at me, his soft smile nearly broke my heart. I could see the pain pinching the corners of his eyes.
Leaning back, I didn’t think Ryder would let go of me. Eventually, his arms fell away, and I could sit upright. The rest of the room came into focus. We were in the living room with the exit right behind Ryder.
I glanced down at my hands. Claws slowly turned back into human fingers, but that couldn’t get rid of the blood on my hands. My stomach flipped.
Though I dug through my memories, I had no idea how I’d gotten out here. I couldn’t remember going from the bedroom to the living room, let alone hurting Ryder. I had no idea what could have happened, and that was even more frightening.
Ryder put an arm under me and lifted me in one smooth motion. If he was in pain, he ignored it. I couldn’t see even a hint of it in his expression anymore.
“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he said as he carried me down the hall again.
He brought me into the bathroom and set me on the edge of the counter. When he bent to get a clean towel, so he could run it under the water, I opened my mouth. Nothing would come out, though.
I wanted to ask what happened. I wanted to apologize. A hundred other things came to mind all at once and stuck in my throat. Quickly, I clamped my lips together.
Ryder rose with a damp towel and began wiping my hands clean. I groaned.
“What?” he asked without looking up at me.
“Shouldn’t we focus on you? You’re the one who was hurt.”
Ryder said nothing. His silence pained me. Though he focused on my hands, his touch gentle and thorough, I knew he had to be hurting. There were bloodstains on his shirt. Had the wounds closed already? I doubted it, considering how much we’d endured in the past two days. Neither of us had a chance to eat properly.
“Ryder. You need to let me take care of you.”
He stopped and threw the towel down. His eyes flashed with electrical light when he met my gaze. He braced his hands against the counter, on either side of me. My breath hitched when I jerked back. A soft heat crept over my cheeks.
Though I saw lightning in those eyes, I also watched them grow wet. He didn’t cry, but I could see the unshed tears swimming in his eyes. He quickly blinked them away, his visage stoic once again.
“Ryder.” I ran a knuckle along his tense jaw.
He shook his head and donned an unconvincing smile. “Don’t worry about it.”
I pressed my lips together. I could force him to talk, but that would be cruel. I would never use my arcana against Ryder again. While we’d been practicing, I’d tried to use it to make him tell me how he felt. He’d managed to overpower my command, in the end. I was grateful that he had, or else I might have heard something I didn’t want to know.
“What happened?” I asked instead.
Ryder explained how I’d thrown myself off the bed and tried to leave. My heart broke when he told me that I’d attacked him. I ran my fingers through the tears in his shirt. Guilt churned in the pit of my stomach.