I wished I knew what we had. There was a bond that had pulled us together, but I had no idea what that meant. It seemed, to me, that I’d only ever gotten Ryder into trouble. He was under no obligation to continue helping me, yet he’d saved my life again.
You’d be surprised how fast I can move when your life is on the line.
That single line echoed through my muddy thoughts. I shook my head so I could focus on what needed to be done, but the words refused to let go of me.
“Get out of my bathroom!” Cerri shouted from the living room. “I have been holding my pee all morning, but I’m done. I’m going to piss my pants because of you two!”
I snorted and wobbled out of the bathroom. Before I could leave, I needed to get changed. Cerri was taller than me, so her clothes were a little too large on me. The sleeves of the hoodie she gave me fell past my fingertips. At least the leggings she gave me were one-size-fits-all and clung to my legs nicely. I left with a toaster pastry and a cozy feeling.
Stepping outside made a chill go up my spine. Panicked, I looked in every direction, searching for Harvey until I remembered that he was gone. He wouldn’t be able to hunt me anymore.
However, Alvin was still a threat. He would not be happy that I’d killed his son. Though Alvin had declared anyone too weak to defend themselves as disposable, Harvey had been his flesh and blood. Alvin would be out for revenge, soon.
Walking through Lakesedge on my own wasn’t the brightest idea, but I couldn’t go back inside and ask Ryder or Cerri for help. They’d already done enough for me. I wasn’t going to rely on them when they had their own lives to worry about.
Besides, I didn’t want either of them overhearing what I needed to ask Addie. That was a conversation that I hoped she and I could keep between ourselves.
As if she’d known that I was on my way, Addie opened the door before I even finished climbing the steps. I paused, hesitant to bother her with my questions. She’d panicked the last time her arcana had slipped out. Maybe she didn’t want anything to do with the darkness lurking inside of me now.
But Addie welcomed me in. She led me into the kitchen where she had a couple of glasses already prepped with chocolate drizzle. We were silent as she filled the glasses with ice and milk. Only the sound of her espresso machine broke the comfortable void between us. When she finally handed me an iced mocha and a muffin, I looked up and met her gaze.
There were dark circles under her eyes, though she gave me a soft, reassuring smile before turning away.
“You smell different,” Addie said.
I tilted my head, confused. Nervously, I lifted my arm and snuck a quick sniff. Though I clearly hadn’t showered, my scent hadn’t changed. “You’re not a shifter.”
Addie twirled her metal straw in her cup, clinking it mindlessly against the inside of her glass. “I can’t smell things the way you do. It’s a different kind of, ah, ability.”
I hadn’t yet recovered from the after-effects of the poison, so I hobbled over to a chair by the kitchen table and dropped into it so I could listen to Addie.
“I can smell death. It’s not like I can tell when people are going to die—that’s a completely different kind of power. This is like a sensitivity, I guess. I can smell when there’s something dead nearby or when there’s death on someone.” Addie paused. She looked me up and down, her expression grim and filled with concern. “You smell like you’vebecomedeath. It’s not just on you. It’s inside you somehow.”
I hung my head. “That’s what I came here to talk about.”
The darkness in the room seemed too thick. Only a little ray of light through the window over the sink could cut through it.
“I killed Harvey yesterday. Is this…am I just grieving for him? Or has something about me changed? I want to be able to undo whatever this is, but I don’t think I would change anything about what happened yesterday, either.”
Addie set her drink on the counter behind her before facing me again. “Well, he’s not haunting you. So, that’s not the problem here.”
That meant this ice, the cold sensation of death now lingering too close to my heart, was all me. I hated this. Though I’d been desperate for my own arcana, I didn’t want this. If my arcana wanted me to kill, then I would do everything in my power to avoid it.
I should have known that my arcana would be dangerous. The command was already something that would be horrible in the wrong hands. I’d abused it more than once, myself. If I couldn’t be a better person, then I would hurt the people around me.
“I don’t want this either, but we can’t change who we are. There isn’t a spell in the entire world that will do that. We have to live with what we’ve been given. If we want to run from it, then we can run from it.
“But if you figure out what it is that you’re becoming, then maybe you can use it to protect your pack. I know they need someone stronger. Not just that, they need someone who is selfless. I can’t count the number of times you’ve put your pack before yourself, even though they’ve always betrayed you in the end.”
I kept silent. It’d stung when Connor handed me over to Alvin, but I knew I’d still do anything to protect my childhood friend. Connor didn’t deserve to suffer, even if he didn’t make the best decisions.
Addie pulled up a chair beside me and sat down. She held out her hand, palm up, and asked if she could hold my own. Tense and uncertain, I placed my hand in hers. A cold sensation rippled over my skin, not like water but like a hundred clammy fingers. I nearly pulled back. It took everything I had to keep my hand in Addie’s.
She whispered a soft apology while her eyes were closed. I watched a serenity slip over her face, but the shadows that had been under her eyes darkened like she was pulling them over herself like a veil.
The feeling of fingers dancing across my skin climbed up my arm and over my shoulder. It somehow found its way into my center, where the thick sheet of ice covered my heart. The fingers grazed the ice lovingly. I could almost feel Addie’s arcana sigh like a lover returning to a soulmate’s embrace.
She began to pull back, blinking slowly like she was processing what she’d found inside me. This was the third time I’d seen Addie use her arcana. The first had been to break a curse Harvey tried placing on my car. The second had been the day I’d asked her to help me find a dead body. But this had seemed different.