Chapter Nineteen
After puttinga call through to Bryce and Max explaining my plan, they both decided it would be better if they spent the night away from home to truly give us time alone. When I told them about what Dr Salahan had said they hadn’t hidden their disappointment. It made my heart hurt, but they had such faith in me and our love that, despite the news, they werehopeful.
Now, as I pull on my leather trousers and Pink Floyd t-shirt and stare at my reflection, I hope that whatever brought Hudson and me together in the first place has the power to bring us together once more. Allowing myself a small smile for courage, I adjust my t-shirt, take a deep breath and headdownstairs.
Hudson is waiting in the lounge. He’s wearing his tracksuit bottoms and a hoody, probably in an attempt to turn me off him. I imagine he assumes that no effort would equal no interest from me. Little does he know that’s exactly what I love to see him wear most. Maybe deep down, locked away inside of him, he knows it too. I hold onto that thought as I stride towards thekitchen.
“Hey,” I say as casually as possible, even though my heart is galloping like a thousand stallions in mychest.
“Hi,” Hudson responds, a note of interest in his voice. Good. “Nice outfit. Are we going outsomewhere?”
I smile to myself and reach for a bottle of red wine from the rack. This is the outfit Hudson saw me in at Le Carnival club in Alpe D’Huez. I’m using everything I have to try and remind him why he was attracted to me in the first place, to remind him of the girl he fell in love with. It’s worth ashot.
“We can if you want. But I was just going to order in a take away,” I say, pouring two glasses of red wine. Picking them up, I take them over to where he’s sitting on the sofa. I hand him one and take a seat next tohim.
“You don’t cook?” heasks.
“I do, I just prefer not to,” Ishrug.
He arches his eyebrow at me. I know what he’sthinking.
“I probably wasn’t the best chalet maid, but you got fed and looked after well enough. At least, you didn’t complain at thetime.”
He nods his head, choosing not to question my statement. “You like Pink Floyd then?” he asks, his green eyes trailing over my t-shirt. It isn’t just the logo he’s staring at. I feel my nipples harden. I’m braless, purposely so, using all the tools at mydisposal.
“Yes. That surprised you the first time too,” I say with a slantedsmile.
He cocks his head at me. “You don’t appear to bean…”
“Alternative chick? You said that aswell.”
His eyebrows pull together. “I’m on a back foot here. You have an advantage over me, and I don’t likeit.”
I shrug my shoulders. “So, take the advantage back,” I challenge. His eyebrows lift in surprise. He stops slouching and sits up straighter in his seat. Tapping into his need to be in control at all times, I give him a chance to takeit.
“How?” he asks, narrowing his eyes at me. Behind the barely held annoyance, anger even, is lust as thick and electric as it has always been between us. Lust I can handle. Indifference, not so much. Lust brought us together the first time, and friendship, understanding, then love followed. I hope the same would happen for usnow.
“You’re the smart arse, the business man, figure it out,” I say, taking a sip of wine for courage. By the way he is looking at me, I think I am going to bloody needit.
“Sex is a weapon. I use women, but this you know already,” he says, his eyes locking withmine.
“Yes and no,” I say, readying to strikeagain.
“Yes and no? I think I know my own mind,” he retorts sharply. There’s that anger again. Why is he so damnangry?
“Yes, youusedwomen, used being the operative word, but you didn’t use sex as a weapon against them. No, the only person you truly hurt by fucking without a connection was yourself, Hudson. Tears might have been shed by women who thought they knew you, but they were superficial. You were the one who was shattered inside each time you fucked withoutlove.”
Hudson stands, knocking the table with his knee in his bid to escape mywords.
“Fuck this shit. I can’t do this,” he says, anger pushing away everything else. But his anger isn’t directed solely at me, it’s directed at the truth of himself. I can see him war with the truth of my words and how they cut him deep, and the need to stay and listen to what other secrets I know about him. Perhaps I am being cruel, perhaps thisisunfair. To have lost a piece of yourself, only to know others have access to it, must be hard to dealwith.
Ultimately though, whatever way you look at it, I am doing this for his benefit. He needs to see that there is so much more to him, so much more he can give if he just allows himself to let mein.
I stand with him. “You promised me one night, Hudson. Are you going to back out on your agreementnow?”
“This isn’t what I agreedto.”
“You thought we would fuck and that would be it? Believe me I want to, but there’s something else that is more important tome.”