“Fine. I’ll give you five minutes, after that I’m going to bed. I’ve got a fucking headache,” Hudson concedes, striding over to the sofa and sitting down with an impatient sigh. I swallow my growing anxiety and unease, and head to thekitchen.
“Good, I’ll make that tea then,” I say in a voice that sounds lighter than Ifeel.
“Let me give you a hand,” Max offers. He’s jittery and clearly in need of occupying his hands and mind alittle.
“Sure.”
I boil the kettle and Max grabs the mugs, milk and sugar whilst Hudson and Bryce sit on the sofa, talking in hushed tones. I can tell by the set of Bryce’s jaw that he is angry. Whatever Hudson is saying, it’s winding Bryce up. Perhaps this isn’t the best idea after all. My attention is drawn back to Max, who is making an awful lot of noise banging the mugs down on the counter. It’s a wonder none of thembreak.
“You okay?” I sayquietly.
Max catches my eye and winces. “Hud’s beginning to piss me off. The whole flight home he said less than two words to you. I know this isn’t his fault, but I hate this bullshit. I don’t get why he needs to be so fucking rude. Either that bang to the head has given him a personality transplant, or I never noticed how much of an arsehole he was before we metyou.”
I place my hand over his. “Deep down you know he isn’t an arsehole. This whole thing has thrown all of us. It must be hard for him. He’s doing what he does best and protecting himself,” I say, trying to soothe the crack that is beginning to form before it turns into a soddingchasm.
“I don’t like how he’s acting towards you, Icy. Lost memories or not, his attitude needs to change,otherwise…”
“Otherwise what? No, Max, this is not how it’s going to be. We will get through this without infighting between you. That won’t help, gotit?”
Max clenches his jaw. “Got it,” he says, though I am not convinced he will heed mywarning.
I grip hold of Max’s arm. “You don’t need to worry about me. I can deal with this.” Leaning over I give him a kiss, trying to soothe the anger I see bubbling, then grab two of the mugs and head over to Bryce andHudson.
“Here we go. Just how you like it,” I say, placing their tea on thetable.
“Thanks, sweetheart,” Brycesays.
Hudson raises his eyebrows. It’s the first time Bryce has referred to me as his sweetheart in front of Hudson since the accident. I almost want to say,‘See, I told you so’, but Irefrain.
“I believe you have something you wish to say?” Hudson says, taking a sip of his tea. He views me from above the rim of his mug. There’s that spark of interest again. Good, that’s something, and a vast improvement fromindifference.
Max settles beside me and rests his hand on my thigh. Hudson pretends not tonotice.
“Yes, there’s a lot I want to say. Will you hear meout?”
“I don’t seem to have muchchoice.”
“For fuck’s sake, Hudson,” Brycesays.
“Fine, I’m all ears,” he responds. Those green eyes I love to lose myself in penetrate me with a hard stare. In business deals I imagine he presents himself as a hard arse, just like this. He gets what he wants. Well, this time he isn’t leaving the room until he’s heard what I want to say. I can be a hard arse too. I didn’t survive my mother by beingweak.
“I know how strange this must be for you, Hudson. To see us so obviously in love and to not feel a part of it. I figure that cuts deep, doesn’t it?” He flinches. Bingo. So that’s where the attitude is coming from. If he is jealous, afraid perhaps, of how Max and Bryce are with me, then that’s something to build on. Better that than being uninterested, it shows that somewhere deep inside he has feelings for me, even if his conscious mind doesn’t recognise them justyet.
“You look at me and have no idea who I am. You don’t remember anything about our time in Alpe D’Huez. You don’t remember anything about Petite Cabane.” I hold his stare when I mention the place that is their sanctuary, that before me they’d never shared with anyone else. The surprise on his face isunmistakable.
“Yes,youinvited me to stay there over Christmas. Selfishly, I want you to remember our time together for me, but more so for you, for Bryce and Max. These past few months have been the happiest of my life and I’ll be damned if I let them go without afight.”
He seems surprised at my honesty, my courage to speak the truth. He may have reverted to the person who locks himself inside a glass prison of his own making, butIam not that person anymore. The brothers have broken through the ice walls encasing my heart, and I am free now to do and say what I damn well please, especially when it comes to confronting the ones Ilove.
“Before I met you all, I came from a place where happiness was a rarity, where I didn’t feel I deserved it. Before you I had no idea what love was or what it meant to be adored. It was a fucking shit life, with a mother who cared more about her next drink than she did about her owndaughter.”
“Sweetheart…” Bryce gets up and walks around the table, sitting down next to me. Hudson’s eyes follow him and his shoulders tense. Three against one, that’s what he’s thinking. But that isn’t how this is, this is us showing Hudson how we can be together. How he can be with us again too if he takes a leap offaith.
“It’s okay. I’m okay,” I say, smiling at Bryce, and I am. I let my past go that day by the grave, it doesn’t have the power to hurt meanymore.
Hudson views us all. I can’t read him this time, so locked behind a barrier of his own making. I want to know what he’s thinking, but I won’t force it. I can only tell him how I feel and hope for the best. Hope that somehow what I am about to say can penetrate his walls, if only to let a pinprick of light through to thedark.
“You let me in, all of you. You broke through the ice around my heart and in turn I broke throughyours.”