Chapter 22
Bishop
“Iwish you’d talk to me,” Harley whispers as she lays next to me.She came back an hour ago and didn’t speak as she changed for bed.She’d kept looking at me like she expected me to make this all better, but I just couldn’t force myself to say things I don’t mean right now.“You’re purposely shutting me out and I don’t like it.I haven’t given you a reason to do it.More than anything, we need each other right now.”
“You don’t know what I need,” I whisper back at her, but it’s not understanding.It’s got a hard edge to it.One I promised I’d never use with her.Immediately, I’m pissed at myself, but I can’t seem to stop it.“You have the type of dad who cares for you.Who didn’t choose to use you as a pawn.Haven’t you ever wondered why my name is Bishop?In chess, a Bishop captures opposing pieces.That’s what he always wanted me to do.Be the person who would capture the people he wanted to take down.Ever wonder why I was trying to be perfect all the time?No one expects the perfect kid to be a bad kid.It was important for me to never draw attention to myself in a negative way.”
“But you don’t have to be that way now,” she argues.“You can be who you really are.”
“Who is that, though?”I question.“One thing he did by coming back was reiterate I don’t know who I am without him pulling the fucking strings.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, Lee, I don’t.I don’t know who I see myself as without having him to please.He gets all in my head.”
“Then don’t let him.”She says the words like they’re so easy.
“Okay, yeah, I’ll just tell my fucked up head to forget about the man that raised me.”
She sits up, huffing as she props on her elbow.“That’s not what I’m saying, Bishop , and you know it.”
“Do I?I don’t know anything right now.I’m living in either your apartment or your dad’s clubhouse.I’m working for your family’s business and I’m not even patched in.If something happened between us, you could easily get rid of me and you wouldn’t give a fuck.”I throw the words out, hoping she understands where I’m at.
“That’s bullshit and you know it.I wouldn’t do that to you.We’re building a life together.We’ve made a life together,” she repeats, rubbing her stomach.“I don’t take that lightly and I didn’t think you did either.”
Feeling meaner than I should, I allow my irritation to rise.“You thought wrong.”
She flinches, which is the first time I’ve seen her react to words I’ve ever said to her.“I know you’re hurting right now, so I’m willing to give you a pass.”
“Don’t.”I shake my head.“Don’t give me a goddamn pass.I’m not a good guy.Never have been.Somehow, I’ve had you fooled since the day we met.”
“You are,” she argues.“No matter what your dad’s tried to put into your head.You’re one of the best guys I’ve ever met.”
“Then you must’ve met some real shitheads in the past.”
“Why are you doing this?”She looks tired and fed up with my shit.My eyes go down to her belly, hating myself for what I’m putting her through, but knowing if she sticks with me it’s only going to end in misery.
“Because you need to realize you can’t make me be something I’m not.”
“I know who you are.You’re the man I fell in love with.”
Tears spring to my eyes.Maybe it’s time to be vulnerable.“I don’t feel like the man you fell in love with.With every strike of that steel pipe, he took something from me.I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to get it back.”
She faces me, her eyes fierce.“Now is the time to take it, Bishop.Don’t let them make you pretend you’re weak.You aren’t.”
Not sure I believe her, I roll over, just needing to lick my wounds for a little bit longer.