Chapter 15
Harley
Reaching down, I smooth my hand over my stomach.It’s grown even more the past few weeks and I have my appointment tomorrow that tells me the gender of what we’re going to have.Which is why I’m here right now, looking at this room in our apartment that once belonged to Justice.Tomorrow, I’ll know how I want to decorate it.
I always believed I would be the type of mother who would decorate in neutrals and not care so much about perceived gender colors but, the closer I am to finding out what I carry, I’m wanting to go hard toward either pink and lacy or blue and all boy.
It’s not a big room.Justice took the smaller one because she’s always let me have what I want.To say I’m spoiled is an understatement and she’s one of the reasons why.
“You okay?”Bishop asks, walking in and eating a bag of chips.“I told you I was home, but you never said anything.”
“Just thinking.”I walk over to him.“When this room was Justice’s, I never thought of it being anything other than hers.Now?I’m imagining it as our baby’s.I’m trying to envision what colors we’re going to use.Where will we put the crib?It’s a blank slate and I’m not used to having that.”
He walks over to me, holding out a chip.I open my mouth, taking a bite.“I don’t know what you’re thinking you are, babe, but you’re still figuring out who you are.As far as I’m concerned, you’re a blank slate ready to be molded.”
“You gonna mold me?”
“Whichever way you want me to.”He winks.
“Not right now.I’m trying to do something serious.”
“Well, so am I.”
I give him a glare.Eventually, he relents.“Okay, what is it you wanna do?”He asks.
Walking over to the white wall, I run my finger along it.“Tomorrow, after we find out what we’re having, I want to go get the paint.I want to get it all.I’m feeling this need to be settled.”
“You’re normally a procrastinator.”He laughs.
“I know, but this…” I turn around in a circle.“Is going to be theirs and I want them to know it from the very beginning.I won’t be taking care of it the night before I go into labor.We’re going to be prepared.”
He chuckles.“I think a lot of people assume they’re going to be prepared, Lee, and they just deal with it the best they can.Which is what we’re going to do.”
I walk over, putting my arms around his neck.“Serious question.”
“Okay.”He dips down, kissing my lips with his.
“Do you think I’m going to be a good mother?”I don’t show my vulnerability with anyone and to share it with him is hard.I close my eyes, knowing what I want to hear, but scared it’s going to be what I don’t.
“I think you’re going to be the best mother.”He rests his forehead against mine.“Are you going to know all the answers?No.None of us do.We’re gonna bullshit our way through this like everyone else does.”
I giggle when he keeps talking.
“We’ll learn as we go.But there’s a few things I know about you.”
“Yeah?”I lift up on my toes, kissing his lips softly.
“Yeah.When you love, you do it with your entire heart.When you care about someone, you will fight for them to the death.I have no doubt you’re going to be the most loving and fiercest mother in the history of the world.”
“Even more so than my mom?”
He clicks his tongue.“It’s gonna be hard to beat Charity Walker, but if there’s anyone who will?It’s her daughter.”
“Thank you.”I sigh.“There’s so much going on with my body, it’s starting to affect my head, if that makes sense.Every day something in my body changes.Like this shirt is a size bigger than what I was previously wearing.It affects me more than I thought it would.”I do my best to explain.
“I have no doubt you’re going through some shit.You don’t have to explain it to me.”
“But I feel like I should.I’m not the same person I was a few weeks ago, not even a few days ago.”