My shoulders tense, along with a tightening in my stomach. No wonder he’s been having nightmares of death with the anniversary of his son’s death weighing on his mind. “I’m coming with you.”
“Steph. You don’t have to do that. It’s why I didn’t tell you. I don’t want to burden you.”
My eyes water. Thinking of him going through this alone because he doesn’t want to burden me with his problems breaks my heart. I step closer, place my hand on his cheek, feeling the bristles from his unshaven jaw against my palm.
“Cal. I’m coming with you. I’ll always be there for you.” Can’t he see I love him? I’ve always loved him.
* * *
“Canyou call at the supermarket before we leave town?” I say, getting into Cal’s new car. It’s still an old model, but has that freshly valeted car smell.
He turns the ignition. “I just come from there. What do you need?”
“I just want to get something.” I sit my hand on his leg as he drives, wanting to let him know I’m here for him. “How old would he have been?”
“Fourteen.” Cal’s voice is quiet. He places his hand over mine and gives me a half-hearted smile. Caleb babbles away to himself in the back seat, which makes us both widen our smiles.
Cal drives up to the doors of the supermarket and parks in a parent and toddler bay.
“I won’t be long.” I needed to do this for him. For Jax. I want to do something special.
Caleb’s eyes bulge when I return, placing fourteen brightly coloured helium-filled balloons in the boot of the car.
“You didn’t have to do that, Steph.”
“I know, but I wanted to.” I place my hand back on his leg and stroke over the denim fabric with my thumb.
His jeans buzz, sending a vibration up my arm. Cal lifts his arse and pulls his phone from his front pocket and hands it to me. “Just answer and tell my mum I’m on my way.”
I swipe the green button right and press speaker.
“Hello.”
“Mum. I’m on my way.”
“Oh, love. I thought you’d got held up, so I drove myself. I’m here now. Rachel was here, but she’s just left.”
“I’ll be about fifteen minutes,” Cal says, speaking a little louder than usual.
“All right, love. No rush.”
“Mum.”
“Yes, love.”
“Was Rachel all right? Was she well?” His voice quietens, and he gives me a sideways glance. His fists grip the steering wheel and I feel his body tense.
“She’s doing great. Her husband and son were with her. She had a daughter, too. They must be doing all right because they’ve moved onto that posh estate near the private school.”
Cal relaxes into his seat, nodding and smiling as his mum rambles on through the handset speakerphone.
“She asked about you, too. I told her you were doing well and have a baby boy and you’re happy. You are happy, aren’t you, love?”
Cal pauses, concentrating on the road. His Adam’s apple moves in his throat as he swallows. He shifts gears as we come to a set of lights. His hand moves from the gear stick to my thigh and as the car comes to a stop, his eyes glance at the phone in my hand, then he gazes into my eyes. “Yeah. I’m happy, Mum.”
With his fingers stroking my thigh over the black fabric of my leggings, I break out in gooseflesh. Suddenly the air in the car is stifling. Heat radiates from his hand, spreading across my body, rising to my face. Everything blurs and I’m weightless, like a hot-air balloon ascending to the clouds. His eyes are the fire, emitting the heat that’s causing me to float on air as they peer into me, seeking my soul.
A hooter pips from behind, crashing me back down to reality with a jerk to my heart. Cal snaps his head away, pressing his foot on the accelerator. Who knows how long the lights were on green?