“I just thought since he was living here with you, and you’re back together. It frees you up for him to pop the question if he wants.”
A puff of laughter escapes my lips. That’s a joke if ever I heard one. “We’re not together. He only moved in to be close to Caleb and to help out while I have my pot on my arm. He doesn't want me in that way.”
Justin scratches his jaw. “Unbelievable. Has he said that?”
“Pretty much. A while ago.” I pour us both a cup of tea.
“For someone who says he doesn't want you, he has a funny way of showing it.” Justin shakes his head with a puzzled look on his face.
“What are you talking about?”
“Just how he was when you were in hospital.” He sips his tea. “You still buy that Earl grey for your mother?”
“I don’t care about the tea. How was he?”
“He didn't leave your side. Day and night, he was there, sitting in the chair next to your bed, holding your hand, stroking your arm. He even read to you. He must have gone through a couple of books while you were unconscious.”
I glance at my book on the counter and it all makes sense. No wonder I feel like I’ve read it.
“One night I called to drop some stuff off, and I could tell he'd been crying. I heard him talking to you, but he didn't see me. He was telling you if you woke up, he would love you till the day he dies. He kissed your lips, begging you to come back to him. I coughed as I walked in, and his eyes were red.”
“But he wasn’t there when I woke up?”
“He wouldn't leave unless someone was sitting with you and when visiting hours were over, he slept in the waiting room. The only reason he left the night before you woke was because I told him to go home and shower and spend some time with Caleb. He was a mess.”
“So why hasn’t he made a move on me? We’ve been living together all this time.” I cover my mouth with my hands. “He feels guilty.”
It all makes sense. He was so upset that he hurt me the other night. Even though a bust lip is nothing compared to what I’ve just been through. Realisation hits me in the stomach. Memories of him telling me the accident was all his fault resurface.
I rub my temples. “He blames himself for some argument we had, and I can’t even recall it.”
Every time he believes he’s physically hurt me in the past, it brings up so many triggers for him, with his dad and the abuse he saw growing up when his dad was drunk. I know how his mind works. He’ll be punishing himself, thinking he doesn’t deserve me or something.
“He was in a bad way at the hospital. Your mum blamed him, too. Something about you calling her the day of the accident. You were upset over a row.”
“I don’t even care what it was about. I just want him to love me.” My arms wrap around my body as if it’s Cal’s arms holding me. All this time, I thought he didn’t want me. I need to tell him I forgive him.
The front door opens. Caleb stirs in his rocker.
“I’ll leave the paperwork with you, then.” Justin stands and gives Cal a nod on his way out.
“What did he want?” Cal places the shopping bags on the worktop and unpacks the food.
I unclip Caleb from his rocker and try to hush him back to sleep in my arms. “He dropped off the divorce papers.”
Cal drops a tin of beans to the floor, causing Caleb to jump and cry out. He picks the tin up and strokes Caleb’s head as it rests on my shoulder. “Hey. It’s all right, mate.”
I give him his dummy. He suckles with hooded eyes and settles back down with his head in the crook of my neck. “Will you help me read through the divorce papers?”
“Yeah, sure.” Cal looks spaced out. “Give me him. It’s not good for your arm to be holding him. Just because you’ve had the cast off doesn’t mean it’s fully healed.” He gently lifts Caleb from me, and I help unload the shopping.
I lift a teddy out of a bag and smile. “Cute, but hasn’t he got enough soft toys?”
“It’s for Jax.” Cal’s eyes glaze over. He rubs Caleb’s back and closes his eyes as if holding Caleb is filling the void from the loss of his son. “It’s his birthday today.”
I drop the teddy back in the bag. “Cal, why didn’t you say?”
“You have enough on your plate. I’ll nip to the cemetery after unpacking the shopping. I won’t be long.”