After a long pause, I clear my throat. “I’ll let you get some rest. I’ll be outside.”
I close the door behind me and slump to the waiting room with my head low and my hands in my pockets.
Her family discuss a rota of who’s going to take care of her when she returns home.
“We have the room and I can take some time off work. She can move back in with me,” Justin says.
My eyes widen. “Like hell she is.”
Justin scratches the back of his neck. “I have the room. She’s familiar with the house. She lived there for years. Plus, I can take time off work to help take care of her.”
“She can move into her old bedroom back home,” Sue says, clutching her handbag on her knee. “Her dad and I don’t work. We can take care of her and Caleb.”
“If anyone is taking care of Caleb, it’s me.” I press my lips together into a thin, hard line while they all discuss her fate, but they can leave my son out of it.
He sits on Sam’s knee, sucking on a Milky Bar. White chocolate dribbles down his chin onto his clean clothes. “Sam, there’s a bib in the changing bag.” I smile inwardly. Living with Steph these past few weeks, I’m sounding like her.
She opens the bag that’s between her feet. “I think we should ask Steph what she wants. Don’t you think she’ll want to return to her home comforts? I can sleep over at her place a couple of nights a week to help her out.”
“I can do that too. We can take it in turns,” her mum says.
“If anyone is staying over at her place, it’s me. He’s my son, and I’ll take care of him and Steph.” I pick Caleb from Sam and wipe his mouth.
Justin pipes up, “Aren’t you meant to be going back to Australia?”
“I postponed my flight again. Wednesday, I should have left. My girls are going back soon, but I’m staying until Steph’s better.”
John stands, clearing his throat. It’s not often he has anything to say, but when he does, everyone listens. “I think we should ask Steph what she wants when the time comes. It may be a while before she’s ready to come home, so we’re all arguing for nothing.”
He walks over and places a hand on my shoulder. “If Steph agrees to have you take care of her, we’ll all be here to help. You don’t have to do this alone.”
I drop my head, not wanting to look him in the eye. He doesn’t know I need to do this. I need to take care of her. It’s the only way I can atone for my actions. Maybe if I show her how much I care, she’ll forgive me.
* * *
Once Caleb is settledin his cot, I walk into the lounge to find Steph fast asleep on the sofa. She’s been desperate to come home since she woke, and couldn’t wait to be discharged today, but just getting dressed and getting in the car has zapped all her energy. Her brow furrows and her eyes move rapidly underneath her lids. I wish I could take away her pain, physical and emotional, but I’m the cause of both turmoils.
My ex was right when she said I’ve fucked up every relationship I’ve ever had and fucked over every woman I’ve ever known. None of the others seem to matter to me as much as Steph.
She stirs, letting out a murmur as I drape a blanket over her body. Her head tilts, leaning against a cushion, exposing the pulse below her ear. A strand of hair falls on her face from the loose ponytail. Grazing my thumb over her cheek, I stare at the smooth skin on her neck, and my breath hitches as I picture myself kissing and licking the spot that sends her wild.
If I could, I would suck her so hard, I’d mark her so everyone would know she’s my woman. I wet my lips, swiping my tongue over my dry cracked skin, itching to suck on her neck like a fucking vampire needs his fix. My eyes roam to her soft, pursed lips. Lips I’ve kissed a thousand times, and it’s still not enough to satisfy me. An eternity with her wouldn't be enough.
My head moves closer to her, and I hover over her face. It would be so easy to kiss her, brush my lips against hers, but I know she would reject me. I don’t deserve her.
She’s always forgiven me for anything, but not this time. I took things too far, but I swear to God, I’m gonna spend the rest of my life making things right. All I want is for her to be happy, whether that’s with me or without me. Fuck, please let it be with me.
I’ve always taken her love for granted and whatever I did in the past she welcomed me back with open arms. Even after I broke her heart, crushed her dreams and told her I didn’t love her, she still opened her heart to me.And her legs. And I took it all like the fucking bastard I was. I used her for my own selfish needs, knowing I wasn’t gonna stick around. I hate that fucking prick that treated her that way. She deserved better.
Fuck, she had better when she had Justin, and I ruined that for her, too. How will I ever make it up to her? I can’t offer that lifestyle. The fancy home with a white picket fence, European holidays. I’m sticking around this time, though. I’ll make sure of it and maybe one day she’ll forgive me for treating her like shit and making her feel so low that she wants to end everything. After reading her book, I know that’s how she felt the last time.
She’s snoring now; a gentle purr. I pull the blanket over her body and around her neck, and she stirs a little more. I was going to put the TV on, but I don’t want to wake her. Instead, I pull my phone out and read.
* * *
STEPH
A sharp painpounds in my head. I turn my body, and a dull ache throbs in my arm, causing me to blink open my eyes. Looking down, I see the cast resting in the sling and all my woes flood my mind and the anxiety fills my lungs.