CAL
I must have been exhausted.Three nights sleeping in a waiting room has done my back in. I wanted to get here early today, but I didn’t wake until late in the morning after tossing and turning all night and the nightmare playing over and over in my head. I was sure I set the alarm on my phone, but I must have turned it off.
The drink she’s holding shakes in her hands, and I pause, worried she’s trembling because of me. Because of the last time we were together. Our fight.
Her eyes glisten each time she looks at me, making the guilt fill my mouth.
Sam rambles on, and no one can get a word in. I take hold of her hand, needing to feel her close to me, and she gives me a warm smile. Has she forgiven me already? Can I forgive myself?
“I think Mrs Bailey needs some space.” the nurse says, walking towards the bed.
“Callum, I think you should wait outside.” Sue snarls.
I grip Steph’s hand tighter. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Mum, can you give me a moment with Cal?” Steph says quietly.
Sue stands in a huff and juts her chin out as she exits the room.
“Kids, let’s see what chocolate there is in the vending machine.” Justin gives me a nod as he guides the kids out.
“Do you want me to take Caleb?” Sam holds her arms out to him, and I let her take him.
Once everyone is out of the room, I stroke her hair back from her forehead that hangs over the bandage. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired, but I’m glad you’re here.”
“Do you remember what happened?”
“No. I can’t remember much. The last thing I remember is being out with Mark.”
I stroke her fingers with my thumb. It’s probably a good thing she doesn’t remember our fight, but the guilt weighs heavily on my chest.
“I’m still trying to piece together what happened. Did I make it to work?”
“You fell asleep at the wheel on your way home Monday.” My throat closes up. I can’t look her in the eye. Instead, I study her hand as my thumb caresses her fingers, running my pad over her broken nail. “It’s my fault, Steph. I kept you up all night.”
She lets out a sigh. “Forgive me, I can’t remember. Are we back together?”
My head snaps up. Her vibrant green eyes peer into mine. “You think I kept you up all night fucking?”
Her mouth hints at a smile on one side, showing her dimpled cheek. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”
“We had a row. I hurt you. I’ll never be able to make it up to you.”
She pulls her hand away from me; her smile turns to a frown. “You always hurt me.” Her eyes dull, like the leaves turning brown in autumn.
“I’m sorry. I needed you to know. Steph, I need you to forgive me.”
“How can I forgive something I don’t even remember?” She turns away to look out the window at the city.
“I just want you to know I’m sorry for everything.” I drop my head in my hands.
“I’m tired, Cal.”
“I’ll leave you to get some sleep.” I stand. My fingers itch to caress her cheek as I would when she was sleeping, but I don’t think she would appreciate that now.
“I’m tired of forgiving you.” Her voice waivers, but she doesn’t look at me and continues to look at the bustling city. A hive of activity, yet in here there’s only silence.