“Thank you.” I rush to the doors and press the buzzer. “I’m here to see Stephanie Bailey. Can I come in?”
“Not right now. The doctor is doing his assessments.”
I check my watch. For fuck’s sake, will I ever get to see her today? I trudge back to the waiting area and drop into the chair, burying my face in my hands.
The nurse from before approaches me. My heart races thinking the worst. “Is she all right?”
“There’s no change, but I notice you’ve been sitting here all day and haven’t actually had the chance to visit. She’s free now if you want to go in. I know how difficult families can be.”
“I appreciate that. Thank you.”
I follow her to the room. The central station is a hive of activity and I pass various machines beeping and humming, but once I’m next to Steph, everything stills. The only sound is her own steady heart monitor.
I pull the chair close so I can take hold of her hand. “Baby, I’m here. I’ve been here all day.” I kiss her fingers and hold her palm against my cheek. “Caleb says hi. He misses his mummy. I miss you, baby.” I kiss her hand as I hold it against my face and scratch the bristles from my jaw against her palm.
“I bought you a book today. From a New York Times bestseller. You’d like the dude on the cover. He’s got a few tat’s, dark hair, brown eyes. A bit like me. Maybe you wouldn’t like him as much as I like to think, but I’m gonna read you the story, anyway.”
I pull the book out of the carrier bag with my drink and half-eaten sandwich. “You like to hear me read, don’t you?” I kiss her palm and with one hand, rest the book on the bed, turn the page and read.
“Are you still here?” Sue’s voice screeches as I was a quarter of the way through the book. I’d lost track of time.
“I’ll be here until she wakes up.” I fold the corner of the page and place it back in the carrier bag.
“She won’t want you here when she wakes up. I know you had a falling out. She called me from work yesterday because she wanted me to have Caleb for a few hours after so she could take a nap. She was tired and unwell because of you.”
“If she doesn’t want me around, she can tell me that when she wakes up. Until then, I’m staying.” I know I’m to blame. I don’t need Sue to keep reminding me. The guilt I feel has manifested itself in my stomach, giving me nausea and a throb in my temple that won’t go.
Sue sticks her chin out and huffs, walking over to the bed. She brushes the side of Steph’s cheek with her fingers. “You’ll have to go because her dad’s on his way up. He’s just parking the car.”
I stand and step away from the bed, but before leaving, I turn back to Sue. “I do love her, you know.”
She tuts. “You’ve only ever disappointed her. If you loved her, you would have stayed away instead of getting her into this mess. She was happy before you came along.” She breaks down and drops to the chair on the other side of the bed. I walk back to the waiting area with a wounded ego to go with my wounded heart.
Everything she said is true. Steph was happy. The woman I saw at Browns Media on her first day is not the woman she is now. I’ve zapped all the life out of her, drove her to drink, just like before. Why do I always hurt the woman I love the most? Did she fall asleep at the wheel, or did she do this on purpose? Either way, it’s my fault she’s here.
* * *
Several days have passed.I’m now on first-name terms with the hospital staff. Steph twitched her fingers the other day. Tracy, the nurse said it’s just reflexes, but I’m sure she’s trying to find a way home.
“It’s only taken us three days to get through this book. I’ll have to look for another one tomorrow.” I place it on the table at the side of her bed. Then brush the hair from her face. I lean over and peck her lips, needing to feel the warmth of them against mine.
Dropping into the seat again, I interlace our fingers together. “Hurry and come back to us, baby. Caleb needs you. I need you.” A tear forms in the corner of my eye, and I blink it away. “Come back to me. I’m gonna spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I’ll never leave or hurt you again.”
I stroke her arm with a smile on my face, thinking of when we were kids. Even then, I would hurt her, mainly to get her attention. We've known each other since we were five, but we weren't always friends.
“Baby, do you remember when the teacher made me sit next to you in year two?” I huff out a laugh, stroking her arm in the crease of her elbow. I was constantly causing trouble at the back of the class so the teacher sat me with little miss perfect.
“That became my seat for the rest of the year. I hated sitting next to a girl, especially one that was the teacher’s pet. Your uniform was pristine and your long French plaits were done to perfection with little red bows on the end that matched your red uniform. I couldn't resist tugging on them. Even then, I liked to pull your hair, but for very different reasons.”
A whimsical smile paints my face as my mind draws the picture of how we once were. I made her cry a few times, too.Some things never change. I'm sure she hated me back then.
“Even though I was a little shit, you still found it in your heart to show compassion.” My lips press against the back of her cold hand and I hold it there against my mouth, my hot breath warming her skin.
“I was having a tough time at home, tried breaking up a fight between mum and dad and was knocked into the glass coffee table. I needed a few stitches on my cheek, near my ear. Had to miss a few days of school and I missed you. Even if it was only to torment you.” A silent laugh rocks through me.
“When I returned to school, you studied my face. I kept my head down and said, 'what you looking at?' But you brought your hand to my cheek saying, 'let me make your poorly better.' Your lips were like an angel’s kiss and all my troubles disappeared. I knew from that day you were more than just a girl I sat next to in class.”
My eyes glaze over, blurring my vision, and I close them, holding her hand next to my cheek. I still tormented her, but she seemed to like it most of the time. She was my reading buddy.