He nods, shoving his hands in his pockets. I follow the nurse, stepping into the ICU. Her room is the second on the right. Nothing could prepare me for the sight of her.
My breath stalls as my eyes follow the tubes and wires surrounding her. A purple bruise creeps out from under the bandage around her head. My hand takes hold of her puffy fingers that peek out of the cast, covering her arm.
Beeps from the machine match the thump in my temple, and I lean over and speak near her ear. “Steph.” The word comes out choked as a lump grows and prickles the back of my throat. “Steph, baby. It’s me.”
Walking around the bed, I scrape the plastic chair closer and drop like a lead weight. My hands caress hers, and I stroke her free arm that’s not in a sling while holding her cold fingers next to my mouth as I tenderly kiss her hand. “Baby, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
My chest shudders as tears drip onto our hands. I wipe my nose on my sleeve and hold her palm against my cheek, feeling her icy hands. “I’ll warm you up, baby.” Needing to be as close to her as I can, I sit on the edge of the chair. I’d give anything to have her awake, just so she can shout at me, anything just to hear her voice and know she’s well.
“Caleb’s safe. You don’t have to worry about him. He’s happy and safe.” I don’t know if she can hear me or not, but I keep talking. “Cassie and Cairen are safe, too. Everything’s okay. You concentrate on getting better, and I’ll be here when you wake up. You hear me, baby? I’ll be here waiting for you when you’re better.”
Footsteps squeak against the tiled floor. Justin clears his throat as he steps towards the bed. “I just wanted to see her before I go.” His voice waivers as his eyes move from her head to the cast on her arm. He steps forward and stands at the foot of the bed. “I’m gonna head off, but I’ll come back in the morning. I can call at her house and pick up some stuff if you have to get back to Caleb.”
“I’m not going anywhere in case she wakes up. But I can get the stuff tomorrow when you get here.”
The nurse pops her head in the door. “Visiting hours are almost over, guys.”
Justin bobs his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Yeah.”
With his head hanging low, Justin exits the room, leaving us alone.
My fingers interlace with hers again, and I bring her hand to my lips. “I’ll be right outside, baby.”
I head back to the waiting room and call Mum.
“How is she, love?”
“Not good. She’s unconscious on a ventilator. She has a head injury, a broken arm, and ribs.”
“Oh, love. I’m sorry.”
“How’s Caleb?”
“He’s just had his bottle and gone down for the night. I borrowed a travel cot from a friend of your sisters.”
“I’m staying at the hospital in case anything happens. I want to be here when she wakes up.”
“All right, love. Don’t worry about Caleb, he’s fine. I can go to the shop tomorrow and stock up on milk, baby food, nappies and what not.”
“Thanks, Mum.”
Leaning my head against the wall, I hang up and close my eyes, thinking of all the things I want to say to Steph. Nothing from the past seems to matter anymore. All I care about is having her well to be a mum to our son. Even if she never speaks to me again, I want Caleb to know what a wonderful mum he has.
My eyes leak in the corners, and I pinch the bridge of my nose where the sting holds back the tears. I always said she’d be the ruin of me, but it’s the other way around.