I shrug. “Since I stopped going to the slimming group. Justin said he would do that so I could come off the pill. I’m sure it wasn’t helping with my weight.”
“You can still get caught up to three months after a vasectomy, though. That’s what happened with my sister.”
My heart flutters with panic again, and I wipe my brow before my fringe sticks to my forehead. “Yeah, I doubt it, though. I mean, we had two drunken quickies when the kids were asleep. I doubt his swimmers are even capable of impregnating me. We tried for years before. I just can’t see it, Claire.”
But Callum’s swimmers are probably gold Olympians. Have you thought of that?I take another large bite of the scone to shut up the annoying voice in my head.
A shiver claws up my spine and the hairs prick up on my neck. “I had an affair,” I mumble with a mouthful of scone.
Claire’s lips part and her silvery-blue eyes stare at me as she leans over the table and places her hand on mine. “I know, hun.”
I pull my hand away and wipe the crumbs from my mouth as I gulp. “How do you know?”
“When you were upset at Christmas, I guessed. But he left work right, it was over?”
“I slept with him again. After my holiday.”
Claire’s eyes widen. “So the baby could be Callum’s?”
I suck in a breath and cover my mouth with my hand. This babycouldbe his. “Wait. I don’t even know if I’m pregnant. It could just be a bug, Couldn’t it?”Right. Keep telling yourself that.
“Look, don’t do anything drastic just yet until you know for certain. There’s no point in telling Justin about the affair if the baby turns out to be his. Especially now you’re getting on again.”
“I told Justin I wanted a divorce the other week. He’s been sleeping in the spare room ever since.” I rub my hands over my face. “Everything is such a mess.”
“Hun, is that what you want?” Her head tilts, and she gives me a sympathetic look.
“I think so. I did. I was looking for somewhere to live, but I think Justin’s hoping I’ll change my mind. Deep down, I wonder what his motives are. I’m certain it’s because he doesn’t want to sell the house or give me any money.”
“You’re entitled to half of everything. You realise that, don’t you? If you want to leave, I think you should.”
“What if I’m pregnant? I don’t think I could be a single mum.”
“Lots of people manage, and you will too. You’re an amazing mum.” She smiles and rubs my hands as it rests on the table.
I certainly don’t feel like an amazing mum. I’m certainly not going to win any awards for mother of the year any time soon.
* * *
I avoidcoffee for the rest of the day. My outburst in the cafe had left a bitter taste in my mouth. Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time I drank coffee. I’ve been opting for tea.
Pulling out my diary, I work backwards trying to think when my last period was. I can’t even remember. It must have been before the holiday about seven weeks ago now. I definitely had a period before the holiday as I remember being thankful that I wouldn’t have to deal with it abroad. Although, since I came off the pill, they have been irregular.
My palms sweat as I realise there’s a good probability that I could be pregnant. If I’m carrying another life, I need to stop freaking out and stay calm.
I lean back in the office swivel chair in the study at home and rest my hand over my soft round stomach, feeling a bubbling sensation, and I wonder. Could it be?No, that’s the scone.I ignore the annoying voice and smile as the possibility of another baby sets in.
As old as I am, and while it’s the last thing I would expect or plan at this stage of my life, the thought that I could be carryinghischild fills me with overwhelming joy and protection. A motherly instinct takes over. This is the push I need to come clean and leave Justin for good.
How will I contact Cal? My shoulders slump, as I have no idea of how to contact him since he changed his number. If he even changed his number or just blocked me? I need to do a test. Maybe a scan too, to check the dates.
I imagine a dark-haired little girl like his daughters. I’d be a single mum. Or he’d be torn between two worlds. As if our situation wasn’t bad enough, but I can’t stop smiling thinking of him kissing my stomach and reading to our unborn child as he used to read to me. His hands placed there while our baby kicks and an arm resting on my heavily pregnant belly as he snuggles me from behind. All things I imagined him doing before when I thought I was pregnant in our teens.
* * *
Monday morning comes around all too quickly.The dreaded birthday, where I’m officially another year older. I walk into the kitchen, and Justin hands me a tea, noting that I don’t drink coffee anymore. He thinks I’m on some detox health kick, cutting down on caffeine.
I haven’t been sick since Saturday at the cafe, but cleaning my teeth this morning made me gag. I tried to forget about the possibility of a baby this weekend, so I can celebrate my birthday. Justin gets top marks for effort. He’s planned an evening meal with my family, even though I’d much rather spend it on the sofa with a takeaway, bottle of wine, and a good book.