CHAPTER18
Rafe
Colby had shut down again after Sig had fucked her and it’d been a week with no signs that she was going to open back up. She was still learning Arabic from Arsen and playing a daily chess game with me, but it was a routine. Her walls had been firmly reconstructed. I was right not to press her any further that night. She wasn’t ready.
She hadn’t spoken more than a handful of words to Sig and the poor guy looked crushed. He and Arsen were worried that we’d pushed too far, too fast.
We hadn’t, she’d been receptive to everything we’d done to her. No, she was fighting herself. Unfortunately, I knew this was going to happen at some point. Being out here, under the constant threat of danger, seemed to hasten everything. Our feelings for her, hers for us, and her need to fight against those feelings. Everything was elevated and moving along at a rapid pace.
If you’d told me a few months ago that a woman like Colby would come into our lives and knock my cold dark soul on its ass, I’d have laughed at you. No, Sig would have laughed at my expense. Laughing wasn’t my thing. I would have clocked whoever had dared say it. Yet, here I was.
My eyes couldn’t go more than a few minutes without finding her to see what she was doing. Every instinct inside of me was shouting at me to keep her nearby, keep her safe, make her mine.
I’d already done all of those things, but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t know that it ever would be. Scrubbing a hand over my face, I stared out over the desert.
Something was bugging me. Some inner alarm was wailing, though I didn’t know why. Turning, I strode back to the hut. “We’re leaving.”
Shock filtered over Colby’s expression. “What? Why?”
The other two sat watching me with neutral expressions. They were used to this. Used to following my lead. This wasn’t the first time I’d moved us on a whim, thanks to some gut feeling.
“Where are we going?” Colby asked, getting irritated when we ignored her.
My eyes found my friends’. “Tomorrow morning.”
They nodded and stood as though they shared a brain. Without another word, we started packing up everything we’d need from the camp. It would take us most of the day to get everything situated so we could leave.
Colby’s angry huff floated on the wind—which had picked up—and I considered telling her my plan. Discarding the idea quickly, I continued working. When she let us in fully, no walls, no silent treatment, nothing standing between us and her heart, that was when I’d confide in her. Until then she would have to learn to obey and not question.
My hands stilled on the bag of beans I was tying up as I realized that’s what I wanted. I wanted her to offer herself to me—to us—whole heartedly. Was it fair? No. But fair didn’t exist out here in this harsh wilderness.
If she gave herself over to me, then I would reciprocate. I’d come to realize the other night—while I bathed her—that I was never letting her go. How we spent the rest of our lives was ultimately going to be up to her. Living at each other's throats, with little trust and overbearing passion was fine by me, if that’s how she wanted to play it.
Then again, I had a feeling she wasn’t going to be able to hold out. I watched Arsen hand her a flower he’d sewn together yesterday out of a burlap sack.
She stared down at the brown bloom in her hand, then lifted up onto her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. It was only a matter of time until we wormed our way past her defenses. She was only denying herself at this point.
She sat down on her log and watched, her pretty hazel eyes following us as we made trips, back and forth, to arrange our supplies near the camels. It would make for easy loading.
“Can I pet them?” she asked as she followed me and Arsen on one of the trips.
Motioning for her to come to me, I took her hand as she approached. Ayad—my camel—had much the same disposition as me, so introducing her to him required a delicate touch.
He grunted at us as we stepped in closer to him. His eyes were glued to Colby as I murmured to him in Italian and patted his neck with my free hand. The one that held her hand, ran down to her wrist and I tugged her forward, prompting her to touch his neck as I was.
She looked uneasy. “I don’t know if he wants me to touch him.”
“His name is Ayad. He’s just a little cranky in the mornings, not unlike someone else here in camp.”
“It’s afternoon,” she whispered, as though he were going to pounce on her for speaking too loudly. She ignored my dig at her, too entranced by the creature.
Ayad turned his head and stared down his long nose at her. Their eyes clashed and with me pulling her hand toward him, she finally laid it on his fur. He let out a low bellow and she jumped.
Before she could move away, I stepped in behind her, using my body to keep her in place. “Stay. He’ll get used to you.”
She’d frozen when I’d pressed my body against hers. I took her hand again and placed it back on Ayad. My camel let out a few more grumbles, but held still while we petted him.
“You’re so beautiful,” she said softly to him, and now he looked like a preening peacock.