“Ready to talk?”
“That depends,” she said warily. “About what?”
“Let’s start with McCall.”
She ran her fingertip along the top of the steering wheel and tried to sound casual. Matter of fact. “Oh, that. There’s not much more to say. I’m going to withdraw my application.”
“While I’d love to think it’s because you can’t live without me and you want to stay in Grand so we can be together, somehow, I doubt that’s the reason. So do you mind telling me why?”
Two hours ago, it was because she didn’t believe she could handle the stress. Now that she’d gotten past the fear, and her own lack of patience with waiting for news, she wasn’t so sure. She’d had time to burn off the adrenaline and accept that her smokejumper was alive, mostly thanks to his own common sense, but also because she’d made sure he was prepared.
What she wasn’t yet past was Dan making jokes about their relationship—or lack of one, to be exact.
“Why couldn’t that be the real reason?” she demanded, annoyed.
He had the nerve to look confused. “Why couldn’t what be the real reason?”
“Why couldn’t it be because I can’t live without you and I want to stay in Grand to be with you? Why is the thought of us being a couple such a big joke to you?”
“Now I know for sure that firefighters are crazy,” he said. “I’ve never once suggested our relationship is a joke. We both agreed to be exclusive. You’re the one who keeps pointing out to anyone who’ll listen that we’re not a couple.”
“Being exclusive means agreeing not to sleep with other people. It only makes sense. You, on the other hand, told a trash television reporter that I was your girlfriend even before we reached that agreement. It’s been a running joke with you ever since.”
“It’s not a joke. It’s me making myself clear. If I’m not serious about you, why would I invite you to have dinner with my parents?”
Now she was the one who was confused. “When were we having dinner with your parents?”
“Who did you think we were having dinner with tonight?”
“I thought it was a party, the same as the open house. You said your mother likes feeding people.”
“She does. And tonight, she was planning on feeding you. She and my dad want to get to know you better.”
“That’s getting too far ahead,” Jazz said. A panicky feeling fluttered under her skin.
“Not for me.” His voice floated on the car’s shadowy interior. “I’ve loved you since the moment I met you, when you insisted on driving your bike to the base rather than allow me to give you a ride because ten miles was too far to run wearing leather. All I had to do was picture that in my head and I was done for.”
The panicky feeling grew worse. “My gene pool suggests I might not be good at making that type of commitment.”
“Your genes don’t prevent you from being amazing. You’ll figure it out. I’ll help. You’re turning down McCall to be with me, so that’s a start. You’re making a sacrifice.”
“Don’t let it go to your head. What’s your sacrifice going to be?”
“Are you kidding me? I’ve met your mother.”
And he was still here.
In her head, she knew Dan wouldn’t be here with her if he wasn’t interested in more. The sex was great. But that wasn’t why she was with him, either. Sitting in the dark with him, and talking things through, was even better. Losing this…
That would be hard. Being with him inspired such a broad range of emotions they were hard to sort out, but she did know one thing. It made her happy.
And that made her cautious.
“What if it doesn’t work out between us?” she asked.
“We can start off slow. If you really want to take that job at McCall, then take it. Grand will always be here for you, when—if—you decide you want it.”
“Maybe you just think you love me,” Jazz said.