“The boy knows how to mix feed,” he replied, never taking his eyes from the window.
“He says he’s forgotten. That Jack did it last year and he can’t remember what it needs.”
“Not today.”
“Mr Hopkin. John,” I was pushing my luck being so informal but I pushed ahead anyway. “We need you back outside with us.”
“Let it go,” He gestured with his hands as he spoke, spilling whiskey from his glass. “Let it all go. What good is it anymore?”
“How will that feed the family?”
“Family?” He finally turned to look at me. “My wife doesn’t talk anymore. Jack is gone. Sophia is dead. Betty is broken. Nellie is to be married soon and Nan can’t wait to get a job away from here. And we all know Howell’s not cut out for farming. Me and Teddy can’t do it alone, even with your help. The house will come to a standstill soon. Let it go.”
“Everyone else is already keeping this place going,” I argued back, annoyed that he didn’t seem to realise how hard everyone was working. “It’s you who’s come to a standstill and locked yourself away. We need you outside. The house is fine. Nellie is keeping it running as well as it ever has been.”
“That girl’s not meant for the kitchen.”
“Well, we both know where she should be,” I replied, pushing my luck once more. “She told me, you know, that you wouldn’t allow her to train at the infirmary. You’ve seen her. She’s incredible and it makes her so happy. You’re the one who’s made sure she’ll never leave the kitchen.”
He rose forward slightly, anger rising, before shaking his head at me and settling back in his seat, returning his gaze to the window.
“I’m not a monster, Thomas.” His voice was calm, considered, and for a moment it even wavered a little. “I know they all think I’m a bad person, but everything I do, I do for them.”
“Then why stop her from doing what will make her happy?”
“While she lives under my roof she follows my rules,” he said, before stopping briefly to consider his thoughts. “But she won’t live under my roof forever, and I need to make sure she is taken care of.”
“What do you mean?”
“It will be Nellie's job to run a house and look after her own children one day. I did what I did because Gethin asked it of me. I’ve no desire to squash her dreams but her husband's wishes must come first and he asked that I deny her request. Once they are married they can argue it out amongst themselves.”
“But he’s not her husband yet.”
“And he never will be if she’s disobeying his wishes before they even stand before God.”
“But they’re not his wishes. Not in her eyes. Don’t you see? He’s letting you take the blame because he’s too cowardly to speak for himself. Mr Hopkin, I mean no disrespect and I’m sorry to speak out of turn, but Jack already ran away because he couldn’t take control of his own life, and Sophia, God rest her, will never know her own. Are you really going to stand by while Nellie lives a life set out for her by others? Watching as she grows more resentful and too old to start over? I know you want better for her. I know you do.”
“It’s done!” he shouted. “I’m not meddling in their affairs anymore.”
“Then meddle in your own. You might be ready to watch this farm fall to ruin but the rest of us want to at least try.”
I could see the anger spreading across his face and made my exit to rejoin Teddy in the yard before things could escalate any further. There was nothing more I could do, but the sound of his glass smashing against the wall as I went back downstairs let me know that I’d struck a nerve.
Back in the yard, we set about gathering tools from the barn and I told Teddy about the conversation I’d had with his father and how I may have overstepped the mark.
“Couldn’t have been that bad,” he said, pointing back towards the house.
I looked up from the bucket I was filling to see Mr Hopkin, dressed in his overalls, exiting the back door. He grabbed a shovel that had been left leaning against the kitchen wall and began walking towards the pens. It was the first time I’d seen him outside in days.
“Let’s hope he’s not just out here to dig a grave for me,” I said, making Teddy laugh. “Grab the barrow. We’ll go make a start before he changes his mind.”
He only spoke to give instruction, but he stayed out and worked with us for the rest of the day.
It was a start.